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Original poster

Child(ren) coming to door for DD to play at 7:30/7:45pm

27 replies

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/08/2023 20:11

As title really. We live on very quiet relaxed estate, some children play out. A little girl in particular has been knocking for DD, on her own for about a year now. I used to go out with DD and kids but realising I was the lone adult, I stopped this summer.
This child is knocking at our house later and later. One night a few weeks ago it was 8pm. Today it was 7:35pm, asking DD to play out. She asks to come in our house! I said 10 minutes which turned into 20. I found it hard not to loose my patience tonight. I'm no good at discipling (wrong word) other people's kids. It gets you into trouble doesn't it. What would you say in this situation?
It is too late isn't it? The girls are 5, 6 later this year so still very little.
The girls mum has 3 kids and seems overworked, she doesn't seem to mind or care her DD does this.
What would you do?

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Xrays · 08/08/2023 20:13

Just say no it’s too late and a cheery “bye, see you earlier another day”. That’s what I’d do.

ChristmasCrumpet · 08/08/2023 20:15

Sorry we're having tea/bath/bed/(whatever reason you want to give) now. I'll let DD know you called and she will knock for you another day.

pilates · 08/08/2023 20:15

Sorry it’s too late for DD

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Original poster
mrlistersgelfbride · 08/08/2023 20:16

If I say no she rings the bell again 🙈
It's Google bell and tbh I'm thinking of disabling it.
Sounds dramatic I suppose but it's getting annoying.

OP posts:
Xrays · 08/08/2023 20:18

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/08/2023 20:16

If I say no she rings the bell again 🙈
It's Google bell and tbh I'm thinking of disabling it.
Sounds dramatic I suppose but it's getting annoying.

Then ignore / disable the bell. If you’ve told her and she’s doing it again then you’re perfectly reasonable to ignore.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 20:23

This is a 5/6 year old?
Stop dropping hints that only NT adults would be able to divine and actually tell her in clear language that a child would understand, "sorry, DD goes to bed now, it's too late to play, if you come around earlier tomorrow you could play together." Letting her in etc gives her mixed messages.
Job done.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 20:26

And if she rings again tell her "I already said no. Please come back tomorrow at an earlier time."
Rinse and repeat. She probably won't take the first no because you've given her mixed messages until now.

gothshot · 08/08/2023 20:27

Just tell her no, if she keeps ringing the doorbell either ignore it or tell her no again.

Original poster
mrlistersgelfbride · 08/08/2023 20:27

How have I given mixed messages?

Yes they are both 5 now but 6 before end of the year.

It seems really young to me.
When I was young it would not have been tolerated .

OP posts:
MattBerrysToupee · 08/08/2023 20:38

That's far too young to be playing out alone.

Tell her to not knock again after 7, and if she does don't answer.

FoxClocks · 08/08/2023 20:40

Well most mums these days wouldn't let a 6 year old out to play by themselves at 7.30, so you can't rely on the other mum to set boundaries. Just kindly say its too late to play now.

NaughtPoppy · 08/08/2023 20:43

Just tell her it’s too late and your dd isn’t allowed out after 6.
If she rings the bell again I’d tell her not to, and not to come back until tomorrow.
I wouldn’t be inviting kids in to play at 7.30.

BettyOBarley · 08/08/2023 20:44

We've had this before with a girl repeatedly calling for DD and in the end we had to be kind but blunt as nothing else worked.

Another girl keeps knocking recently at 8pm for DD (9) and I think it's too late to go out at that age, never mind 5!!

NaughtPoppy · 08/08/2023 20:46

I’d definitely be supervising my 5 year old playing out at any time - you also seem a bit slack there. Doesn’t matter what the other mum does.

Smurf123 · 08/08/2023 20:46

My 5 year old goes to bed at 7 every night Blush and he certainly wouldn't be allowed to play out front without an adult

Yeswecan12 · 08/08/2023 20:50

Wow! When I was reading it I thought you were going to say 8 or 9. My DD is 5 and she is bathed and in PJ’s by 7pm, and would never let her play out on the street with no adults present at that age, even on a quiet road…

Tiredmummy201 · 08/08/2023 20:51

I would tell her it’s too late and not let her in. Make it very clear that DD won’t be playing in or out after xpm so she shouldn’t call for her again that late. my DD and next doors DD are always playing here or there I wouldn’t allow her to go over at 8pm… 7.30 Is home time and Dd Is 8.

Original poster
mrlistersgelfbride · 08/08/2023 20:53

I agree with people saying they shouldn't be unsupervised. I always used to go out but I'm the lone adult so I stepped away the last few weeks. I agree that they should be supervised and will start going again. I think it's crazy that there's no other adults to be seen. The kids are 5 at the youngest, some 6 and a couple are 7 or 8. None of them are supervised. Some wonder around on their own for hours! Had other kids at the door whose parents I've never met before!
I lived on a main road when I was young my parents were strict and this was never an issue.
Thanks for everyone's advice.

OP posts:
Finchgold · 08/08/2023 21:12

Work out what you’re comfortable with and stick with it. Kids can ask and it’s up to you to set the boundaries.

In my house the rule is no kids allowed over after dinner unless it’s part of an organised play date. My 6 year old can play out until about 8 but has to stay off the road. I have the windows open to hear problems and generally find something to do beside the front windows so I can keep an eye out.

Its definitely not a situation I expected to be ok with but I have highly social child who doesn’t like to miss out so gradually we’ve built up to this point. It’s actually pretty amazing to watch the group dynamics and see how well they do without parents intervening, far less squabbling.

lljkk · 08/08/2023 21:18

Shoo them away, disconnect the bell, be friendly but firm. Every day is a fresh start. This might be a many years relationship, keep it nice.

Sazza26xx · 08/08/2023 21:18

NaughtPoppy · 08/08/2023 20:46

I’d definitely be supervising my 5 year old playing out at any time - you also seem a bit slack there. Doesn’t matter what the other mum does.

Agree, my son's 6 and nowhere near ready to play unsupervised

DinnaeFashYersel · 08/08/2023 21:20

It's too late at that age.

So just say so.

What are you worried about?

Original poster
mrlistersgelfbride · 09/08/2023 11:38

I don't want to spoil this friendship for DD by not letting her play. That may sound bizarre but she's my only and it's nice her having friends. There should be a cut off, I would have said 7:30pm absolute latest in school holidays and that's pushing it.
Tbh, I'm totally surprised that kids are allowed to play so late.
Last night it was 8pm and the little girls parents were still nowhere to be seen.
Is this strange? I usually text her mum to say little girl has called at our house although she never asks me if it's ok. The kid just comes over.
I'd wouldn't let DD knock on people's doors that late, or at all at that age!

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Isheabastard · 09/08/2023 12:11

I think you need to say to the little girl things like ‘it’s too late for you to be out alone, you need to go home’ and ‘your mummy will be looking for you, go home now’. I suppose it’s possible she’s meant to be with an older sibling, but just takes herself off to do her own thing.

I personally would walk the child home if I could, but you could at least walk her to the pavement/front gate and watch while she walks away.

She is way too young to be out on her own. I would be wondering if this was parental neglect and the mother needs checking in on to make sure she’s ok.

cuckyplunt · 09/08/2023 12:15

NaughtPoppy · 08/08/2023 20:46

I’d definitely be supervising my 5 year old playing out at any time - you also seem a bit slack there. Doesn’t matter what the other mum does.

Rubbish, absolutely depends on the child and where the OP lives. Mine were playing out more or less unsupervised from 4ish.