Could you have a night out when baby was 6 months old?

[Mothalina]

I'm a FTM and my wonderful DD is nearly 6 months old. Before her birth I bought my OH tickets to see our favourite band. (To give our relationship context, we got together during the first lockdown so never really got the chance to enjoy dates/gigs together. But we listened to this band throughout lockdown and they mean a lot to us.) I hoped by the time our child was 6 months old we'd have figured how to have a night off and asked my mum to babysit 6 months in advance.

Fast forward six months and we're super excited. We've only had one short evening out together since DD's birth, when my mother babysat and DD didn't even wake. This time I leave DD in a happy mood with my mum and with bottles of expressed milk in case she needs a feed to resettle. We walk to venue (20-30 mins by foot) and are there all of 1 hour 20 mins when my mum text to say DD has woken from her cot, is inconsolable and will I come home. I call and can just hear DD crying. We rush back and are almost home when mum texts to say DD is asleep in her arms again. There's no re-entry to the gig so that's 120 pounds gone after only seeing a bit of the warm up act. OH agreed we did right thing coming back if my mum was struggling but he was really sad the rest of the night. 😭 To make it worse we could faintly hear gig in distance.

I can't tell if my mum overreacted to dd's crying or not. She did question if she had done the right thing or not. She hasn't really heard her cry strongly like that before because I usually respond to her needs super quickly. I'll add that my mum hasn't been as natural with my dd as I'd hoped. She adores her granddaughter and waited a long time for this first grandchild, but she lives two hours away, gets tired quickly and always assumes dd wants mum/the breast rather than addressing her other needs... I'm afraid I snapped at my mum the next morning. She didn't seem to understand what the gig meant to us and why I was upset.

This probably sounds trivial, I'm obviously thankful my dd is safe and healthy but it's upset me in a way I'm struggling to understand. It has made me feel trapped and anxious that we can't even have a night off together. Were we attempting this too early? Or was I expecting too much from my mum (she's in her 70s)? Maybe I need to build an alternative support network?

It's added to my anxiety about my hen do next year when DD will be 15 months old. My bridesmaids are already organizing a weekend away. Will I even be able to go? DD will have started nursery by then and maybe if she's with her dad and not my mum it will be ok..?

Thanks for reading if you get this far.

DD1 who was FF would've been fine.

DD2 who was BF would not have been fine until 3 years old.

DD2 has far better mental health.

I had a first night out from ds1 at a similar age. My mum saw him several times a week and would look after him on her own once a week so I could exercise. He adored her. Still cried for hours as it was night time and he obviously felt differently about me not being there at night.

I think that you should apologise her as she tried her best and a baby that upset cuts through you. I do totally get that it is so difficult when you are on mat leave. My mum had to have an operation and couldn't look after ds for my exercise class for a while and it honestly felt like a bereavement. The only thing I did for me and I couldn't go. I definitely didn't let mum see my disappointment.

6 months isn't too old but I disagree with the implication on here that all people in their 70s are too old to look after babies. My mum is 70 and manages perfectly fine with my 15 month old for a day and regularly babysits him at night. Her best friend is 71 and spends 2 days a week childminding a 3 year old and another friend is 73 and regularly has her toddler granddaughter overnight.