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Original poster

Today I "lost" my child for the first time

66 replies

amispeakingintongues · 04/08/2023 20:39

Transpired that he was hiding between a book shelf in the small library we were in.

I went into a frantic full blown screaming panic attack and believed he'd ran out into the road and went running across the streets screaming his name. I'm honestly traumatised. Every time I think about it I feel sick. He's only 2. And I'm pregnant.

I am still reeling from the experience so please make me feel like i'm not such an awful mother for this happening?

OP posts:
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TryAgainAnotherDay · 04/08/2023 20:43

Definitely not, I panic every time my child is not in my sight. I think it's just the natural mother tiger and for me Definitely PFB.

TeddyBeans · 04/08/2023 20:43

You're not an awful mother by any stretch of the imagination, kids will be kids after all. I would go Google the loud looking technique so you know what to do next time he decides disappearing is a clever thing to do

Was126orbustandmaybebust · 04/08/2023 20:50

You are not a terrible mother - we all been there.
DD1 and DD2 always loved to run ahead to The Entertainer from a place in a shopping centre that was about 20 meters away but round a corner. They did this every time we were in this centre.
One day DD2 asked can I run to The Entertainer and I said yes and DD1 continued walking with me.
We got to the shop and she wasn't there - cue panic from DD1 and I running up and down the aisles and asking everyone - have you seen a little blond child about this tall?
We look out the door and see her going around on a ride waving at us.
Turns out she hopped on Peppa Pigs back on this ride - intending to slip off again after giving her a hug - and a lady came up put her son on George Pig and put money in the ride and she couldn't get off - we must have walked right by her.
She was fine - her sister and I distraught - took us a few hours to recover.

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FloralDance · 04/08/2023 20:51

I lost my toddler (now nearly three) in the library when she was 20 months old. Was choosing books for her while she played, looked at her, looked at the books, looked up and she was just GONE. It was one of the most terrifying things that's ever happened to me. The layout of our library is like a maze and she wasn't far away but I was just panicking that she'd been abducted or fallen down the stairs. You have all my sympathy. These things happen and there's no harm done so please be gentle with yourself. I still viscerally remember bellowing her name and sprinting around looking wild. So awful.

Sleepysaurus2 · 04/08/2023 20:54

Oh gosh you poor thing. You’re definitely not a bad mother. This could easily happen to anyone. Your toddler was hiding!

Icannoteven · 04/08/2023 21:01

Oh god it’s the worst isn’t it? That awful lurching panic!

I thought I had lost my daughter from our garden when she was 2 - it turns out she was hidden behind a door inside the house, having unilaterally decided to play hide and seek 😬I was shouting and crying - the neighbours thought it was hilarious when they realised what had happened.

GetOurraMeWay · 04/08/2023 21:05

Oh God. My then 2 year old decided to play hide and seek in Crystal Palace park without telling me or exH. Jesus we had the entire park looking for him till he emerged from behind a Dino toy thing in the playground. I was gasping and sobbing with relief. The other parents were very understanding and kind. I went home and guzzled wine till I recovered. He's 10 now and totally fine 😁. Sorry this happened to you OP but you're not alone x

greenteaandmarshmallows · 04/08/2023 21:06

I lost my then 2 year old in my own house but was convinced they must have let themselves out and run out into the road. Terrifying. They were hiding in a wardrobe.

HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 21:08

amispeakingintongues · 04/08/2023 20:39

Transpired that he was hiding between a book shelf in the small library we were in.

I went into a frantic full blown screaming panic attack and believed he'd ran out into the road and went running across the streets screaming his name. I'm honestly traumatised. Every time I think about it I feel sick. He's only 2. And I'm pregnant.

I am still reeling from the experience so please make me feel like i'm not such an awful mother for this happening?

No. It's happened to me with two out of three... Hideous feeling, but like your own situation, all was well (thank God).

Debopo · 04/08/2023 21:10

We’ve all had this, or at least I have too. Breathe. Look after yourself (you’re pregnant!). And feel glad alls well. I would say you’ll laugh about it one day, but I still don’t laugh about the day DS went missing. It’s hideous. Sending 💐 and 🫖 to you OP. You sound like a caring, lovely mum, don’t beat yourself up with this. He’s safe. And so are you.

TinselTarTars · 04/08/2023 21:14

Oh god been there! At two, I was also pregnant, my son ran off joyfully in the snow. Me being so big simply couldn't catch up with him, que screaming banshee...kids eh!

Stratocumulus · 04/08/2023 21:21

I lost my 4 yr old in the men’s department of a French Department store.
I screamed my way around that department then found her near the tills.
Dear God, it was two or three minutes of sheer terror.
I know exactly how you feel & this thread is testimony that many of us have been there.

I hope we’ve been reassuring. X

Original poster
amispeakingintongues · 04/08/2023 21:22

Thank you everyone for each and every response i've had on this thread. I've just read each one and they've all moved me to tears - it is THE most scary, horrendous feeling to lose a child! I'm not sure my brain has recovered from the shock but I'm feeling slightly less awful about myself now. Thank you 😊 Flowers

OP posts:
apapuchi · 04/08/2023 21:23

My older son who's autistic and non-verbal ran around the other side of a toy display in Debenhams and when I got around to the other side he'd just disappeared. He was five at the time, now ten. I started screaming, shouting his name too although he didn't respond to his name then anyway. There were multiple escalators in the centre so I ran to them first thinking I could stop him falling down one and a member of staff came running over and I told her my vulnerable child was missing, I was hysterical. He had literal seconds to disappear, and he did. All sorts went through my head, including that he'd been abducted and I just went wild with that thought given how vulnerable he was (is). The cafe was on the same floor and I found him lying on a low down window sill looking out at the car park a minute or two later. He loves car 🤦 It was the longest probably three minutes of my life.

Now ten, as I said, he also climbed out of the driver's door on Monday while I was putting the shopping in the boot after we'd been in Lidl. He was supposedly strapped in in the back with child lock on but did a speedy Houdini. He'd never slipped the seatbelt before and it hadn't occurred to me he'd try the front door as he is just resigned to the back ones keeping him in. I started shouting to others in the car park and ran straight for the main road as a previous poster did. He was sitting ten feet away from the car at the edge of the car park throwing stones (his new thing). The stress is just immense, I need eyes back, front, side and anywhere else, really.

The adrenaline does ease, it's awful. Hope you're ok OP 💓

Lkahsvtv · 04/08/2023 21:25

It’s happened with both of mine at age 2 and 3; both times it felt like my heart stopped.

Original poster
amispeakingintongues · 04/08/2023 21:27

apapuchi · 04/08/2023 21:23

My older son who's autistic and non-verbal ran around the other side of a toy display in Debenhams and when I got around to the other side he'd just disappeared. He was five at the time, now ten. I started screaming, shouting his name too although he didn't respond to his name then anyway. There were multiple escalators in the centre so I ran to them first thinking I could stop him falling down one and a member of staff came running over and I told her my vulnerable child was missing, I was hysterical. He had literal seconds to disappear, and he did. All sorts went through my head, including that he'd been abducted and I just went wild with that thought given how vulnerable he was (is). The cafe was on the same floor and I found him lying on a low down window sill looking out at the car park a minute or two later. He loves car 🤦 It was the longest probably three minutes of my life.

Now ten, as I said, he also climbed out of the driver's door on Monday while I was putting the shopping in the boot after we'd been in Lidl. He was supposedly strapped in in the back with child lock on but did a speedy Houdini. He'd never slipped the seatbelt before and it hadn't occurred to me he'd try the front door as he is just resigned to the back ones keeping him in. I started shouting to others in the car park and ran straight for the main road as a previous poster did. He was sitting ten feet away from the car at the edge of the car park throwing stones (his new thing). The stress is just immense, I need eyes back, front, side and anywhere else, really.

The adrenaline does ease, it's awful. Hope you're ok OP 💓

How utterly terrifying!

I know what you mean about going to worst case scenario in your head. I'd convinced myself there had been a child abductor just lurking in the library and whisked him out the door all in a split second. All this escalation in my mind within the space of about 2mins. It is awful.

OP posts:
Yesabsolutely · 04/08/2023 21:28

I lost my son in a shopping centre 25 years ago . He was found in the ELC playing with a train track . My concern was that he was out on the road. It never occurred to me that he had been snatched. I genuinely didn’t feel a bad mother…it was just one of those unfortunate events that many parents have experienced.

Ketzele · 04/08/2023 21:29

It's awful, OP. I lost my toddler in Holland Park while looking for someone else's lost child. She (mine) was nearly 3, on a scooter, and was gone for half an hour. Turns out she left the park and scooted right across Kensington bloody High Street. Eventually a passing nanny stopped her. My dd wouldn't say a word to her (nursery had just taught them about stranger danger!) so lovely, sensible nanny brought her to the parks police.

That was 15 years ago and I'm still traumatised! You have ALL my sympathy.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 04/08/2023 21:37

My DD used to hide in coats at that age. We lost her in a park under a pirate ship when was about 3. And I lost her in Asda when she was 4 or 5 and she was literally stood next to me one minute then a split second later had gone down one of the aisles.

MrsMarzetti · 04/08/2023 21:38

My exdh lost my 3 year old in a clothes shop, he was hiding in a circular rail of clothing, i was trying on a dress so only knew he was missing for 10 seconds, it was the longest 10 seconds of my life. It was 30 years ago, i can still feel the terror.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 04/08/2023 21:39

It was really horribly scary. She's 10 now and amazing

TitoMojito · 04/08/2023 21:43

I don't have children, but I do remember the feeling of sickness when I realised my dog had escaped from our garden. I did the same as you, running out into the street screaming his name. It's the worst feeling! But your son wasn't in any danger, so no harm done. You'll probably feel better in the morning after you've had a sleep. I find that helps when my brain is stuck on something.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 04/08/2023 21:43

Aparantly you're meant to shout out what they are wearing if you're in public. So IM LOOKING FOR A LITTLE GIRL WEARING A BLUE COAT AND RED TROUSERS or whatever - as loud as you can

Mischance · 04/08/2023 21:43

We've all done this! - it feels grim I know, but all you can do is be thankful all is well now.

I lost my 2 year old in a wood - she was chasing her sisters round a clump of bushes and waving to me each time she came round - and then she didn't !!!

By the time we found her she had taken quite a hike!! Luckily there were lots of people around and they all fanned out and searched. I could not believe how far she had got in what seemed like the blink of an eye!

Bridgingthefeckingmassivegap · 04/08/2023 21:45

We've all been there! Absolutely awful and your mind always goes to worst case scenario, with pregnancy hormones it must be much worse too.

I seen a really useful thing on TikTok that I think all parents should know (bare with me)....when you lose them, instead of shouting their name, start shouting a description so that everyone around can start looking too. "I've lost a little boy, brown hair, wearing yellow hoodie etc"