Really NOT coping with the holidays. Anyone want to chat?

[Earhell]

Anyone want to have a chatter thread?

I'm off with the children over the summer and recognise how lucky I am. However I'm really not coping

Sorry you’re finding it hard,
How old are the dc?

Solidarity OP. I really struggle with it too.
what aspects are you struggling with exactly?
I have adhd and it makes it hard to structure our time easily.
I also get really overstimulated by my daughter’s constant needs and chatter.

Another here struggling. I can't even tell if it's reasonable that I'm struggling as dc seem fine. But any arguing or upset really throws me off kilter, plus the endless entertainment and requests for snacks is just wearing me out.

Definitely struggling, mine both have autism, they do really well with the structure of school but are a mess with the sudden change of routine.

Today eldest(6) had a meltdown I the park, the worst in ages and to the extent I had to pick him up and carry him to the car while he kicked and screamed. But that then meant my youngest (3) had to leave straight away, without her usual 10 minutes warning and countdown, which set her off aswell. Que me staggering to the car with a screaming child under each arm, while one of them repeatedly bit me. It wasn't a great day.

Tomorrow will be better!

What areas are you struggling with, we might be able to give you some suggestions?

The biggest problem tends to be lack of routine which makes things difficult for parents and children.

For our Summers I get a piece of A4 paper and write down all the dates on it.

1. Put in any preplanned activities
2. Look online for free activities summer fayres, theatre/museum/farm open days
3. Put in cheap activities Kids Club cinema
4. Put in a paid day out to a venue once a week.
5. Find a list of your local parks and bike or walk to them taking lunch (or dinner or even breakfast if you are early birds) and visit a different park each time

Meal plan roughly so you have enough picnic stuff to grab and go.

I have a grab and go back for the beach as its very close by, you could do the same so that when it all gets too much you can grab the bag and head to the beach/ park / forest wherever without having to do a bunch of organising.

I am too but anytime I've complained I've had people that work during the holidays have a go at me!

@frootito have you tried giving them responsibility for their own snacks and entertainment. Fill a basket up with their snacks for the day that they can access and when they are gone they're gone.

Try similar with entertainment, put 5 or 6 activities in sight that they can play with during the day a bit like a nursery would I suppose they know where they are, when things are in boxes it's more difficult for them to choose as out of sight out of mind.

How old OP? My only advice (I have a 5yo and toddler twins) is just get out the house. I pack a little snack, we go out early, and even if it’s an hour in the same boring park we can come home and watch tv / read and that’s the morning done. And repeat.

Boys are 5 and 6. Both going in to year one (eldest decelerated).

I'm autistic and so is the eldest. We've had lots of random noises, meltdowns, aggression.

I was so looking forward to some time off with the boys

Today has lasted FOREVER. I am with you OP the holidays feel a million years long.

Btw I work three days a week how you're managing full time I don't know!! That is HARD. X

Mine are all teens and the last 2 days I know I have been a grumpy cow.

Oldest is job hunting and constantly asking for my help/opinion
Second is getting over a keyhole surgery and is mostly festering in his room all day only emerging for cups of tea and food then out in the evenings
3rd is in and out like a yo-yo all day and I don't know when he's out or in etc
4th is very mentally intense and is with me every minute of the day pretty much (waiting for ADD assessment)

Nowhere near as stressful as some people will be experiencing I know but they are all close in age and when they were little it was hard work and then it petered out and now as they emerge young adulthood it's a whole new ball game and very mentally challenging at times

You are working!
It’s harder and unpaid!

It doesn't even get easier as they become young adults. My youngest DS is moving into his own home tomorrow. For the last 5 weekends and many evenings DH has been over to his house with him doing jobs. It never ends, installing a new kitchen, putting up new doors, tonight I'm taking him to do his first food shop as he will have to buy staples like salt and pepper even. Tomorrow DH is helping him take over all his stuff and set it up. Honestly our wedding anniversary almost got swallowed up by all his house help needed and we haven't had a weekend to ourselves for ages. It's just exhausting. I was expecting him to ask me to help him clean before he moved in but DH told him he should book a cleaner for the morning which he did.

Sympathies. Would a Plan help? @Singleandproud has good suggestions, and maybe a daily schedule for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, bath, activity out of house, activity in house?

Or do you think they just need to chill & have no demands?

I’m not surprised to read your autistic op.

I need sustained periods of guaranteed solitude and just having people in the house with me all the time puts me in a state where I’m constantly on the edge of a meltdown.

I find it hard to think, to plan, to start anything, to remember what I was doing and I’m only half listening to the dc when they talk.

I hate that it happens because it in no way reflects how much I love my dc or want their company.

My dc also need downtime but even if they’re reading quietly or having screen time they’re still pinging on my hyper aware radar and the constant low level stimulation is really really hard.

My 5yo loves writing up a schedule for the week, just put a few ideas down and he writes them on a grid. Things like "play on switch" "go to library" "bus trip" "movie afternoon" you could put them on post it notes or draw pictures?

Mine really loves the structure of a school day so tries to recreate it. Doesn't always stick to what's planned but it doesn't matter!

Another struggler. I do obviously absolutely love my DC and I am enjoying having more time with them. The issue is I am a lone parent. My young DC has ASD and SLD, rarely sleeps and I am lucky if I get enough time for a bath once a week right now. They are up at about 6am, awake until after 10pm, usually wake at least once for hours in the night because they've decided to stop taking their drink at bedtime that their medicine is crushed into. So I literally do not get a minute, I'm just constantly worn out and exhausted. And they do not do well in busy places or out of their school routine so for the most part we have been stuck at home getting cabin fever. Then I get the overwhelming feeling of constant guilt that I feel how I do.

I know this sounds really horrible of me but I'm so relieved I'm not the only one struggling.

Life seems to be one whole demand and I just don't seem to get the meaningful respite I need.

I took them to a club this afternoon and while we were watching a mum asked me how we were doing. I nearly cried!

We did make slime today. It made me feel better to do an activity and also it did calm the boys. We have a steady stream of plans but evidently that doesn't calm them

School holidays are usually followed by a mental breakdown for me in September for a good few years now, funnily enough,have coped better since lockdown than before and children getting older really does help.

I am struggling too. Two kids with a big age gap. Impossible to please both. Throwing money at it with holiday clubs and day camps for the eldest that he doesn't particularly appreciate. Juggling work too but I work from home which you'd think would help but honestly sometimes I just want to escape.

I'm so tempted to just come off social media because seeing everyone else's fun family days and holidays just makes me feel even worse. I don't know why it's so hard.

Mine are older now so not as much interaction, but I remember when they were younger and wanted all my attention, fought constantly and snuffed out my freedom, it was like a long, torturous experience that felt like too much for a human to endure.

Thankfully, it's no longer that intense as I get more breaks and have some freedom back.

I had to tell my dd today mummy has had it. I just put a film on and refused to play for a good hour. I don't want to wish the time away but bloody hell it's hard work. My mum loves it, a day spent inside with the kids is great to her. I'm crawling the walls.

This is what I've been doing, with separate lists for good and bad weather. I always feel better with a plan in place.

I'm sorry you are struggling, I have been too, and I don't have 2 kids 5 days a week. I've an almost 5 year old and a 19 month old, the 19th old is in nursery 2 days a week so we do more grown up things, but my god its so hard trying to stop the toddler just running amok.

Thank god school starts soon, up in Scotland, but we've been off since the end of June and are 5 weeks in so far!

I had a full on row with mine this afternoon about Lego being strewn all over the house and they pair of them bickering all day. They’d actually had a nice day with varied activities and lots of rest. They’ve no idea how good they have it.

I work too. If I was off all summer with them I would absolutely lose my shit