Really NOT coping with the holidays. Anyone want to chat?

[Earhell]

Anyone want to have a chatter thread?

I'm off with the children over the summer and recognise how lucky I am. However I'm really not coping

Can you post a daily timetable on the fridge each day, hour by hour, like a schedule...help them write it each evening?

I find mine get progressively better as the hols go on, it's a huge change to routine for everyone isn't it.

Another struggler here. Lone working parent. Life is miserable coupled with guilt for not being able to meet the endless expectations social media portrays. It's exhausting.

I've had it relatively easy so far with a 5yo and 1yo, as we've either been on holiday with DH (so we can tag team) or my 5yo has been in activity camps. But from next week it'll be more free range and just me looking after both dc. Usually I like to be more organised and book/pencil in lots of things, but these days are just hectic and I've not had a chance to sit down and do it. We can still do some things but others will already have been booked up. Plus the weather has been so wet and I don't want to plan anything outdoors right now.

I'm a sahm and love being out with my 1yo when my older one is in school, and going out with both of them with DH to help. Having both on my own is so much harder, my 5yo isn't annoying as such but is so used to having adult attention and I feel awful letting her play by herself when I'm watching the toddler. Last summer DH was around and DC1 was still in a year-round day nursery 3 days, so I haven't had to deal with them alone for such a long period before. And DC2 has only been walking for a couple of months - she was much easier to manage before!

Get off social media FFS for a really good start.
Your DC don't know what every fucker else is doing and don't care. Neither should you
Just do what you need to do to get through and whatever helps you to find some joy.
If that's telling them to play without you for a few hours then that's what you need. It's ok. Honestly if there'd been social media when mine were little I'd have gone under.
You're doing amazing and enough. Truly.

We have a plan. It really helps.

Get a piece of paper tomorrow and write down ideas of where to go together. Ask d for their ideas too. Google free things to do with kids in your area.

Check weather forecast and put a few events in.

For the days at home, put in a schedule for the day.
Mine always included some form of exercise - things like Justdance from youtube, kids exercise video from youtube, playing with a ballin the garden, jumping from one end of the living room to the other on, pillow fight, tickle monster.

Time for toys,

Something creative like art or baking

Movie afternoon (time for you to put your feet up too)

Reading

Include a meal plan too.

Include help with chores too.
Kids. often love to help with cleaning. Give them a cloth and get them to wipe cupboards, skirt boards, chairs and table while you're prepping food or sorting dishes.
Put it on the schedule

I'm seriously appreciating all of these solutions. Maybe I'm just in a funk but I can't see how they can all apply.

My six year old can't sit through a movie or breakfast out. He has the attention span of about 5 minutes. Exuberant play like pillow fights ALWAYS escalates because he struggles to bring himself back down. He gets more and more hyper and uncoordinated until someone gets hurt. He can't do places like libraries unless he's in a good zone. Same with coffees out or breakfast out. If we go to the park I need to be on it because he runs away/has unsafe behaviour. Busy places are a no go. He also struggles with transitions so even getting him dressed is a battle.

A routine and plan is great but so often his emotional state means we can't follow the plan....then we have issues over not following the plan.

This is all without the constant whistling, squaking, squeaking, chirping, screaming...hands in my face, sniffing me, licking me.

Then trying to pick a decent moment to get a couple of quick chores done when I know he isn't somehow going to try something dangerous.

Gosh. I'm over stimulated just writing this post 😂

In some ways I think I need to get past the grief and realign my expectations. Because he's verbal it's so easy for me to misunderstand his difficulties

OP I do really feel for you, I remember those long 6 weeks all to well, I think I used to cry at least everyday. My youngest is how you describe and now he is older and at high school he was diagnosed with ADHD and things are so much better. Yes they have their issues as teenagers but it is nowhere near as bad as the early years it’s relentless hard slog.

I really feel for you op, that sounds incredibly tough.

Yeah, that's tough.

Ok. Are there any SEN parent groups near you? Looking on facebook for 'Name of place plus autism' usually gets you something. Might be SEN friendly sessions, might be something like this: https://www.gympanzees.org/

Googling 'name of council plus local offer' should also bring something up.

Does your kid like spinning? Ikea Lomsk chair?

Oh that sounds really tough. Is there anywhere you can get more focused support? Any other forums that could help specifically with dealing with autism?
I know there's an area on mumsnet for neurodiverse mumsnetters and dc. It's in the SN section.

My kids do well with calmer kids yoga, as a balance between energy & movement outlet but not getting them worked up and hyper.

If they like sensory play, find a storage box that fits in one end of the bath, then sit them in the dry end. Just shower any mess down the plug hole when their done. Or if they're really messy, take the box of sensory stuff out and fill up the bath. Mine like jellybaff for this. Make up about 1/4 of the pack for a box full, then put plastic figures in it. I usually just keep the box of goo on the side in the bathroom for a few days, so they can come back to it a few times and get a far amount of play to justify the cost.

Are there any adults who can go with you on the odd day out? It's so much easier with another pare of hands.

I think this is exactly it, OP. With a SEN child other people's routines and plans aren't a useful guide to you. You need to find something that works for your child and their needs, and accept that this will look different from what others do with their kids- and then try to make peace with that and find your own pockets of fun amidst how rough it can be just to meet the child's needs through the day. I get it
How about hiking/nature trails/a running challenge? Explore different new playgrounds in your wider area? What is their special interest- any museums/activities relating to that? If you find something that works for your child out of the house and is at least a little bit enjoyable for you too, I think that might be a game changer x

I just wanted a chatty thread 😂

Op you are finding it hard because your situation IS hard. Please don’t waste your time feel badly about it or beating yourself up. You need some support from a family centre or autism group. I know it’s far from easy but please tell someone in rl that they are struggling. Please reach out to
charities in your area. Even post locally for an active grandmother type who has experience with dc with SEN.

And no one on this thread generally is mentioning other halves and dhs? Are any of the fathers of these dc on this thread stepping up during the summer and taking on some of the extra childcare duties? Or do the blokes’s summers look exactly the same as term time?

Well in my case no, my DC's dad doesn't step up. He had an affair in Covid, moved out before I found out and saw DC sporadically for a few months, this was before ASD and SLD became as obvious, child was under 2. He then got chased by child maintenance because he stopped paying. He now claims not to work (yet clearly is cash in hand) and they have said he won't have to pay for a year til annual review. Doubt he will next year either. He also stopped seeing child around the same time he stopped paying, they have never met his family (including other siblings) and I couldn't tell you where he is now or what his phone number is as he appears to have changed it, or so child maintenance appear to believe.

To be fair, he was absolutely fucking useless before he left anyway, so we don't appear to be missing much. DC hasn't seen him in over 2 years now and he has in no way attempted to make contact. I couldnt tell you if he even knows DC has ASD or SLD, they were still non verbal when he vanished, he has never heard them speak. However, if he was still here, I can assure you, summer time would be business at usual. He refused to take my DC out anywhere because at the age of 2 they were too young 🙄 I've had to take them out since birth so never understood that one.

To be fair, my dh has been fab. I've just spent 90 minutes hiding in the bath. Doesn't help that we are currently trying to pack the house to move also! The days hes at work he leaves at 7.30am and is home around 8pm. They're long and intense but it's compressed days which helps.

What are todays plans for everyone?

We're going to the Edinburgh fringe festival to see a show and have a wander. I've been looking forward to this as its a really easy way to kill time. Definitely not cheap when trains and tickets are considered though!

I am in a better position that a lot of parents in that DH and I are splitting the holidays evenly. We both have days with just our almost 5 year old, and days with both of them. We're even having days off all 4 of us, sometime we'll do things together, or sometimes we take a child each. Our toddler is actually more work at the moment as he never wants to stay still!!

I mean, We're not away anywhere on holiday though, its all just days here and there to cover the school holidays, even though neither child is at school yet. The nursery is attached to the school so keeps the same holidays.

Today I've taken the youngest to b&q to buy bubble wrap. We've wrapped up the kitchen breakables. In laws are coming to give a hand shortly. Eldest finds it hard with more people in the house but ultimately it'll be helpful hopefully

This is exactly how I feel - and as far as I know I'm neurotypical. But it's exactly this, and my kids are easy so I feel even more unreasonable to find it challenging! By the end of lockdown one I was so depressed and drained and exhausted I was practically catatonic. My sense of self was fractured into a billion pieces and school holidays make me remember how that felt. If I don't get regular periods of solitude I just cannot function.

I hear you I'm autistic too

I wrote on a other thread about my kids laughing at me when they make noise and argue. Could cry!! X

And husband said it's a massive scale and I'm at the other end of it so don't really have it

Hi,

I'm super stressed.

Have 4 kids, all 13+ and we are moving this week.

The kids are bored, excited, frustrated at the weather, sick of boxes and packing.

They're bickering constantly.
Which resulted in an accidentally smashed mug and hot tea everywhere this morning.

No disposable funds to do anything due to move. Just throughly miserable.