Fussy unsettled baby, how do others get out of the house

[SuffolkCider]

Our happy chilled baby has turned very fussy in last few weeks, very easily over stimulated and upset. Her wake windows are around 1hr and she can take 5-30mins to settle, with a lot of fussiness thrown in, makes leaving the house too stressful to bother. Not met up with any friends or been to any groups in weeks.

How do others with a fussy baby manage to get out / meet others without it ending in stress x100 and screams?

I had my first walk with a sling earlier this week and managed to get her to sleep for an hr, was great to get outside, but my hips and back were v sore after so not sure I can tolerate the sling everyday. She's doesnt like the buggy at the moment. Any advice v welcome!

What's her routine? X

When my dd was this sort of age (I’m guessing by one hour wake window they’re no older than 3 months), I used to get her to sleep in the sling for an hour or two at a time and that’s when I would go out.

If it is hurting your back you’re probably not tying it correctly or tight enough (unless you’ve got a pre existing back issue) so definitely have a look to see if you have a sling library near you who can help you to do it safely for your back. or at the very least look at the website of some (sheen slings is excellent) for guidance.

My dd wouldn’t go in the pram at this age and going out when she was awake was hard as 1 hour to settle, feed, change etc goes quickly then they need to sleep again. I would persevere with the sling and perhaps the pram for naps if they like it. Now dd is 7 months and I’m the opposite, she loves her upright buggy so I go out when she’s awake and nap at home or in the carrier if we stay out longer. It gets easier I promise!

@Emmamoo89 just trying to establish a routine... wake between 530-7 then play (play mat, stories) and then start settling for nap (rocking, ball bouncing, white noise, dim room, nap in buggy) after 40mins. Next wake window usually includes a feed and short play.

I am EBF and there is little pattern to feeds, sometimes 1hr30 between feeds, all way up to 4hrs. She will refuse breast unless hungry. Wake windows around 1hr until about 5pm when she's awake until 8/9ish... she doesnt seem sleepy before.

Only started thinking routine this week, any tips welcome. Find it difficult to know how to introduce a routine when feeds are irregular in time and length, sometimes she's fed to sleep as a result, other times she's rocked/shushed. Settling for naps sometimes easy, sometimes chaotic, feel l dont know what I'm doing! Thanks in advance! <3

How old is your baby?

@OhBanana thank you... had thought the sling was going to be a revelation but then was in a lot of pain after... no pre existing back.issue - you're right, should check it was being worn properly!

Baby is 12 weeks old... this stage is making me look fwd to naps being dropped tbh!

Perhaps not the answer you’re hoping for but I didn’t go out much. We lived in an awkward neighbourhood that wasn’t great for walking, but I’d go out with him in the sling or pram if he would tolerate it (usually sling though). He hated the car and would scream a lot so going out sucked! I had a good friend who would come to visit me but I just became quite a homebody for a while. Once he was happier in the pram we would suffer the drive into town and go for a walk with friends and he would sleep, but I understand how hard it can be. My boy was colicky so very unsettled! You could try an infant osteo? Didn’t help us but I’ve known others who found it helpful.

wishing you the best! It does get easier and this phase will pass! My son now only sleeps for an hour a day and always wants to be out, so tables do turn

@Thenewone 12 weeks... completely changed in temprement about 3 weeks ago...

Sorry I had a very fussy baby too. I found it hard to go out and do things because I was conscious of him crying and disturbing other people.

The only thing that helped a bit was using the car seat on the pram instead of the carrycot - he preferred that because he was refluxy.

I was always amazed by babies who would just chill out and let their mum go out for coffee with them.

In my experience it was nothing to do with routine or doing anything differently, it’s just the variety of baby you end up with.

OP download the wonderweeks app

it gives you an insight into when certain mental developments are expected to be made and when a change in temperament may appear

Maybe try a more supportive carrier for our and about, I like the Tula free to grow, very comfortable but still feels very cosy, you can get them pretty cheap second hand.

but tbh sometimes you just need to go. You’ll probably find if you go to a group or class, baby will be so busy looking around and fascinated by what’s going on that they won’t fuss as much, yes it will stretch their wake window but they will be fine.

I think they change all the time in the early months (and later) in terms of temperament - my view is it’s best not to label her ‘fussy’ so you don’t create a mid state where that gets perpetuated, rather think of ‘going through a fussy period’. It will pass. Until then do what you can manage and what DD can cope with, short walks, cup of tea with a mate when she naps etc.

Just a thought, have you tried extending the wake windows? With just 1 hour you must be spending lots of time getting them to sleep during the day and maybe if they were awake for longer windows then they would be more tired and less fussy for nap time? (Obviously avoiding them being overtired which is a nightmare :))

I think I’ve read that wake windows can be extended from up to 60 mins at 2 months to 1.5 hours - 3 hours 2-4 months, so maybe worth checking this. It would give you a break and enable you to go out more hopefully!

As others have said, if you do go out the baby will probably either fall asleep or be distracted with what’s going on. It did wonders for my sanity to get outside the house and be around people again!

You could maybe walk to a coffee shop or the library, a friends etc during their nap time and then be ready to feed them when they wake up. Then they can have another nap on the way home!

On second baby here, though a bit older than yours. During the school term we have to do the school run so we have to get out on time come hell or high water. If that meant that the baby screamed in the pram for a few minutes while I scrambled into some clothes and got everything together, then that's what happened (and still happens some times). DC2 has also been a demanding baby so far too, but is actually a lot better out of the house with fresh air and lots of distractions and things to look at so when we're out, we tend to stay out and just do feeds wherever... it's easier and less stressful that way than being stuck inside.

My first was super fussy and I didn't go out alot tbh not for first 5 months or so.

It sounds like your sling isn't fitted properly as it shouldn't make you ache as much as it sounds like it has.

I found the sling one of the only things she would actually settle in. So I used it quite a bit when I did start going out.

Try not to put too much pressure on napping and sticking to wake windows etc it made everything so stressful for me first time round.

This time I've let him dictate to me when he sleeps, I just wait till he's sleepy and go by his pattern not by what the wake windows recommend. It's helped us to have a much happier and easy going baby.

Feeding to slept is perfectly fine as well.

12 weeks is still really early. I've only just started putting mine down for naps at 6 months of age. My first didn't stop contact napping until she was 10 or 11 months.

I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job. It's so tricky as they can't tell you what they want and you're still finding your feet with this new person in your life.

My son was tricky- from 8 wks he hated anyone or anything that wasn’t me holding him, he cried at every noise, people saying hello in shops, hated baby classes so for a while I stopped trying to socialise as it was so stressful. I wondered what I was doing wrong as I was a nanny and all my children has been sociable and happy, and felt I was failing with my own child. I came to realise he was just different and went with it more. Once he was walking he totally changed and became the friendly chilled child I had envisioned! I honestly think he just hated being a baby! Seeing a osteopath helped with his sleep- he was wedged in the womb and always held his head at an angle, she unlocked that and it helped him lots. Don’t put pressure on yourself, if baby is stressy then avoid making too many plans, try get people to come to you so you’re still having some adult company, try car seat instead of carrycot on pram base (mine hated the carrycot) and also see if a local sling meet, they can advise on fitting yours properly and you can hire others

Thanks everyone for the tips and support

The naps are being dictated by my little one rather than me following a militant 1hour wake window schedule... I'd be much more relaxed about it if she didnt start getting so upset beyond 1hour awake... the yawns start at about 50mins and the screams and shouts beyond 1hr @Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon you're right, most of the day feels like it's spent settling her to sleep ! That's where a lot of the problem lies..

Have been googling all.the symptoms my DD is currently demonstrating and starting to think she's either teething or has silent reflux... which would explain fussiness ...and need for more naps during day ? Plan on trying to get a GP app tmrw re the reflux. She's only 12 weeks so not 100% sure on the teething but have had red cheeks on and off last few days.

This worked for me, no routine as such. If wanted to go I would out them in the pram and just hope for the best. I'm sure they pick up on you being stressed so I just used to try and go with the flow.

You don’t mention it, but a dummy would help.

I had a fussy one and we just used to go out with him crying.

I found the car seat attachment was better as he liked to be sat up a bit more rather then in the carry cot lying flat.
I got a spare bouncer to have upstairs so I could get a shower and get ready. I also tried to have both our clothes laid out an ready for the next day the night before but this went to pot if the baby was sick or had a poop explosion, but when it worked it really helped.
A sensory light really really helped too, was a life saver actually. Could put it on if it needed to pop baby down while I got the bags together.

@underneaththeash My partner has floated the dummy idea a few times. Does it help soothe them to sleep too? Need to investigate further

Yes, my 2 DD found the dummy incredibly soothing and a massive comfort and I’m sure helped with tummy issues, as well as sending them straight to sleep. Other babies I know though rejected it instantly so they might not like it! They also like to hold a muslin as a comforter too.

(for full disclosure I should say that we’ve only just managed to wean my daughter off hers at 3 and it became more of an issue than a help in the end as she did not want to part with it. Invaluable in the baby years though)

I know there are lots of opinions on this, but we kind of established a feeding routine early on - breast about every three hours, me making sure we were somewhere I could feed at the right time. Sleep, was more of a you'll be where I want you and you can sleep if you want. Being reliant on public transport, it would have been impossible to go anywhere if I'd needed to be home for naps, so I just wasn't and he napped in the pram if we were out. I would say just go and she'll get used to being out and falling asleep if she needs. I would second what others have said about using a sling library if there is a local one. We had a fab one, who even ORDERED a different sling for me to try as I have a disability and was struggling with the ones she had.

I had this with my baby at 3-4 months old. Breastfed baby also, she would like to clusterfeed a lot and would only settle when fed when fussy so I fed a lot on public, (you get used to it 😆). Biggest thing that helped me though was getting into a nap routine, I found she wears getting really upset if overtired and wouldn’t just fall asleep Jerald when tired like newborn days, she needed help (to be rocked/shushed to sleep). I downloaded the huckleberry app which predicts their next nap times. I also introduced a dummy which she previously didn’t want but later took which was a game changer and helped soothe her. It’s a really big leap in their development at that stage and they find the world very overwhelming so don’t worry and don’t be so hard on yourself. A couple of times when our, I just had to leave and had a good old cry in the car. This stage does pass and it gets so much easier to be out and about. Hang in there Xx

I'm also on my 2nd baby. I was obsessed with wake windows the first time. I was stuck in the house a lot and she'd do one sleep cycle at home and then I'd desperately try for another one in the pram or car. I was exhausted.

This time I've got a toddler so can't be as rigid. She has to go in the car or sling for big sisters nursery drop off and pick up at a minimum. As a result she does tend to sleep better but the only long sleeps we get are in her cot.

I don't think anything will be a magic cure (dummy, comforter etc). We've even got a snoo and it doesn't solve the catnapping but is a life saver at night as like you neither kid goes down easily. Please just take the pressure off yourself and remember whatever they do is based on whatever they need at that moment. It's impossible to read their cues 100% of the time.