Fussy unsettled baby, how do others get out of the house

[SuffolkCider]

Our happy chilled baby has turned very fussy in last few weeks, very easily over stimulated and upset. Her wake windows are around 1hr and she can take 5-30mins to settle, with a lot of fussiness thrown in, makes leaving the house too stressful to bother. Not met up with any friends or been to any groups in weeks.

How do others with a fussy baby manage to get out / meet others without it ending in stress x100 and screams?

I had my first walk with a sling earlier this week and managed to get her to sleep for an hr, was great to get outside, but my hips and back were v sore after so not sure I can tolerate the sling everyday. She's doesnt like the buggy at the moment. Any advice v welcome!

If baby is fussy now and awake late evening it really sounds like colic. I would suggest laying them down flat in a pram causes the acid to rise, hence he preferred the sling. Try using infacol before a feed and a dose of nurse Harvey’s after a feed. Laying him belly down over your knees and gently rub his back. Also raising his coat to a gentle slope by putting something under the mattress will help. Good luck. My son went through the exact same at that age.

I had one fussy one and one easy one - there's so much luck involved.

We moved ours to the buggy seat on the lowest incline at just over three months, much happier in that than in the carry cot. Depends on how sturdy your baby is though.

Second baby here.

Ditch the routine, delete the apps telling you about wake windows and leaps, etc. just go by what your baby needs. If they’re taking 30 minutes to put down for a nap at that age then they’re probably not quite ready for a nap yet.

I have a 5 month old, he doesn’t have a routine, if he starts giving cues that he’s tired I’ll put him down for a nap, if he doesn’t seem tired then i don’t, we have ‘wake windows’ that range from an hour up to about 2-3 hours and have done for months, he rarely takes longer than a couple of minutes to get him to sleep and he’s a happy chilled out baby.

Take the pressure off yourself OP, it’s probably just a phase and try not to get out loads while they’re in this stage. My daughter also hated pram and car seat. If I had one suggestion, perhaps they don’t like lying flat anymore in the pram. Can you put them in the pushchair and just lift it slightly so they’re a tiny bit sat up? I did the same with mine at that age. Just for short periods at a time

I also agree with a PP with ditching the routine for a while, sounds like baby isn’t quite tired yet

My first cut his first tooth before 4 months and was definitely starting with teething pain at about 12 weeks - red cheeks and dribbly.

You mention symptoms of silent reflux, my eldest had it and it was a nightmare for me. It was lockdown so no where to go anywhere but since having my second I've realised I probably wouldn't have gone anywhere much anyway.

I recommend getting a lactation consultant to Che k feeding and for a tongue tie if you haven't already - this was the cause of our issues but didn't find that out until around 4 months old. Dummy definitely helped and gaviscon from the doctor. Main symptom for us was extreme crying while feeding, there was probably others but that's what sticks in my mind.

As others have said, the sling is great but probably not fitted properly if it's making you that sore. You might prefer a more structured carrier if you struggle with the sling - ergo baby are great!

Try extending the wake windows a bit - when she gets fussy and you think she's tired, change activity or location and see if you can get her attention for a bit longer. Spending a long time getting my first to sleep is something I wish I'd not done.

And you're doing great, obviously a very caring mum 😊

As soon as I read your post, I knew she’d be 12 weeks, ha.

happened same to us, middle of a pandemic. I’d put her in her pram and push her back and forth on the spot in my living room til she fell to sleep.

it was like she was overtired but not hungry so wouldn’t BF to sleep.

3 kids here. Ditch the routine, it will literally drive you mad. Plenty of time for that later. Just get a decent sling that doesn’t hurt and walk round the block with baby napping in it. If she will sleep on you at home while you have a cup of tea and a rest, do that as well. Give up on the idea that the baby sleeps in the pram or cot for now.. they probably won’t sleep much in either. Your baby isn’t fussy, they’re just being babies

Not sure how old yours is but mine is 3 months and is the same, hates the pram, can't tolerate sling or carrier for very long. I am expecting things to get easier in the coming weeks as they did with my older daughter around 4 months. I've just changed the pram carry cot over to the sitting up part with an insert to support her. She actually fell asleep in it on a walk this morning yay! It's very frustrating but if sling and pram aren't working, it's just about being patient for a bit longer - hard I know. Getting out will get a lot easier soon. X

Might sound odd but maybe she just wants to be put down in her moses basket/cot or similar. I realised with my second around 8 weeks she didn't want rocked she just wanted to be laid down (with me nearby) by herself and to suck her thumb to sleep.

Have you looked at using a snoozeshade to make the buggy blackout so she will sleep in their.... they are great- can get one for a buggy- the one for a stroller is different.... we loved ours- and helped getting her to sleep when out... we also had a old mobile phone with no data card that played whitenoise in the buggy and she slept well when out then!! It does get easier I promise

I would try the dummy. Didn’t use it for my first but did for my second - he’s now a year old and I’m cursing it (!) but it has been a total lifesaver at helping him to settle since he was about 2 months. He was a terrible sleeper so it took us a long time to get into the groove of things but i used the Huckleberry app which helped loads. It predicts the optimum wake windows and adjusts it to take account of a short nap etc. (I know you can calculate these things yourself but I found it really helpful on days when I was so tired I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to remember the times myself..!) We got out every day, even if just for a walk, as I was taking my eldest to nursery. This was a god send as fresh air will help you both - maybe you could make a plan to get out every day for a walk even if you don’t socialise until you feel more comfortable?

Being awake from 5pm until perhaps 9ish will mean baby is overtired - even if they don’t seem sleepy before that, that’s a big wake window for 12 weeks & if she is then waking between 5.30-7 she won’t be getting enough sleep overnight (I’m assuming she is also feeding at night so this will be interrupted sleep too). Be kind to yourself, it’s not an easy time & everything changes so quickly at that age although at times, each day feels like a year 🤯

I had twins. Number one was a nightmare for the first 12 weeks and then settled into being a happy contented baby. Number 2 was my easy child for first 12 weeks and then became a nightmare. Wouldn’t be put down, needed to be entertained constantly when awake. Each child is different and will have different phases at different times. I was just glad my two didn’t have their screaming phase at the same time! Go easy on yourself, take one day at a time and remember it is just a phase. It will pass.

I didn't start groups until 5 months for this reason. I needed more of a routine to know when naps would be as no point attending a group when they're tired and fussy. I did meet a few people for lunch etc. But mainly ended up just stood up rocking a baby. It was stressful tbh. It did get easier when they had a routine and could be awake for a few hours.

Definitely worth checking out the silent reflux angle - with my first DS I mistook reflux for being overtired, so trying to get him down for a sleep made everything worse. It felt like that patch would never end as he hated being a baby and was much happier when he was older. He’s now 13 and making a huge model osprey, so I promise it does pass!

@Adviceneededpleas thank you, this is really helpful to know, more than you probably realise. I think I need to adjust my expectations re getting out of the house right now

@RumbleMum the GP has recommended gaviscon for 2 weeks to see if it makes a difference, as well as holding her upright after a feed. The gaviscon is proving a real faff as DD is ebf! Esp in the middle of the night. Will persevere. Thanks for your reply :)

We kind of just did it.

Obviously we wouldn't go out with baby in a dirty nappy or needing a feed, but if they were grizzly then they'd probably settle whilst out or if they didn't, what's the difference to being home?

They can't run away, the are a minute number of ways to surge then, and all they really need is you and some basic baby bits. It makes no difference to them where they are, so we just got on with life and baby tagged along.

So colicky baby got taken on a plane for a holiday at 6w, as I may as well be pacing a beach target then my own streets, etc.

No one really mind or cares if your baby cries. If you want to go out, go out. Don't wait for the perfect time, which may not come.

We have gaviscon and ebf, wouldn't worry about doing it during every feed or over night. Once before bed should help over night. It works straight away so doesn't need to be done during every feed unless really necessary. Too much can also make them constipated.