Letting 5 month old cry it out?

[Mummytotwo90]

My 5 month struggles falling asleep of a night, I’m really really struggling.. yesterday night I was really overwhelmed and came downstairs with the baby monitor and set a 5 min timer.. just before the timer went off he was fast asleep!

Tonight I was struggling again done his whole bedtime routine, bath, book, white noise, feeding, cuddling, rocking and I took the baby monitor downstairs and set a 5 min timer and he’s fast asleep right before it went off.

I know I’ll probably get loads of hate for this, but is this really bad for him to let him cry for 5 mins? I won’t continue to do this if it is and I never usually let him cry but I can’t seem to soothe him, for reference I’ve tried staying next to him with my hand stroking his head and my presence seems to upset him more and when I pick him up he cries even worse the minute I put him back down.

I never ever done this with my other son as he’s always been a good sleeper.

Am i damaging him letting him cry for 5 minutes is this really awful :( ?

How much are they crying? Grizzling, moaning, screaming? I personally wouldn't if it was more than a little moaning.

I rock my 5 month old to sleep. Worked for all three of mine. Of course not all babies are soothed by the same thing.

Mine all had a dummy from birth to 18 months for sleep only. That made a huge difference.

To each their own with sleep training and crying it out. I read a book "Bringing up Bebe" about an American journalist raising a family in france, and the cultural differences, and how most babies "do their nights" by 3-4 months, it was fascinating. The main takeaway was that babies learn to connect sleep cycles around 3-4 months, and if you do not give them the space to let them connect the cycles, you will be waiting a long time, and/or crying it out later on (which I had to do with both of mine). We called night nurses to sleep train with us, and we were told that they wouldn't do it until the baby was 14lbs and 4 months old, which it sounds like you are likely at. Sleep training isn't for everyone, and there are gentle sleep training methods. Our kids were both premie and took a long time to catch up re. weight, so they woke hungry for a reason, and we had to answer to that call. But when they woke and were refusing a bottle, we did go ahead and gently sleep train (dummy, rub/pat their back until they went to sleep etc), and then we had the 8 month sleep regression, teething etc, which is different to just night waking. If your child is sleeping better with what you are doing, and you are ok, then you've found something that works for you. No judgement here.

He’s crying but more of a whinging cry not screaming etc. he’s never fell asleep being rocked 😅 he won’t have a dummy either and he was usually fast asleep after breastfeeding but lately he’s just wide awake even after white noise, cuddles and comfort sucking. He seems to be over tired when I’m trying to soothe him, rubbing his eyes, moaning, kicking his legs in anger.
I was watching him the whole time on the baby monitor and he was crying but also felt like he was soothing himself doing so, he was yawning as he was crying and was asleep I’d say within 3 minutes?

Aw no it's tricky when nothing works. Could it be teething? My DS have just come through and he struggled to sleep.

He hasn’t cut any teeth yet and I can’t see any signs of teething, no red gums, etc but I’m weary it could be so have been putting gels on his gums and offering lots of teething toys. I think he’s just in a routine of waking up, he’s never slept longer than 3 hours and his usual routine is waking every 2 hours or so. I know he’s at a substantial weight as he’s in 9-12 month clothes! And the last time I got him weighed he was over 18lb that was a little while ago so he’s definitely at a weight where I’d assume he’d sleep through.. it’s the initial first sleep I’m struggling with, as the two hour wakes don’t bother me as he drops off after me feeding him.. he just really struggles getting asleep for the ‘first’ time during the night 😫

I think you know I'm your gut if it's ok or not. It sounds like you think it's ok so it probably is.

Is he settling after five minutes? Is he screaming for those five minutes (assuming it's that and not longer) or just grizzling? If he's settling after five minutes and not distressed then it would seem like it's working for him and he's settling himself down.

On a personal note, I haven't and wouldn't do that as I have fear of what that period of crying would do and have always BF or rocked to sleep, but I am not everyone and lots of people do use this way. You know if it's ok for baby and for you, instinctively, I think.

I'd add he's five months old, and I do think there's something to the 'nine months in, nine months out' thing but he's also out of the fourth trimester, as it were. I'd love to say just cuddle and love on him, but if it's affecting your mental health and he's not distressed it's maybe ok. Please follow you instincts 💓

no it’s definitely no longer than 5 minutes, last night it was about 4 and tonight it was 3. He was crying but not screaming crying it was more of a whinging, he was rubbing his eyes and yawning as he was doing so, I would never leave him to properly cry as I believe they do cry for a reason, I have never left him to cry ever (unless Im having a wee but that’s about it lol). But of a night I feel he can’t settle and whatever was working for me before, just isn’t any longer? He’s very grouchy before bed anyway and used to cry even when I was holding him, feeding etc, he was coming off and on feeding and just over all fussy until he had a whinge and fell asleep in my arms (but this whole process was taking hours and hours) rather than the few minutes he’s taken last night and tonight.. I feel bad for letting him cry. But he was crying when I had him anyway 😩 uh it’s so hard because although he has ‘self soothed’ im worried I’ve done the wrong thing. Im just going to see how tomorrow night goes and take it from there, Forgot to mention my partner was in bed while he was in the cot - next to the bed - so although I wasn’t there he wasn’t technically alone either.

Tbh that sounds like he's self-settling in a noisy way. As long as it doesn't go on for ages that sounds fine to me.

Grizzling for 3-5 min is totally different to cry it out

OP, it sounds like it's working and that your little one is not in distress. There's no evidence that sleep training has any negative effects on babies either short or long term (see Cribsheet from Emily Oster, who's a brilliant parenting economist and who reviewed all the studies done on this) but it can be a sanity saviour for parents and also improve sleep for babies. Please don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. As others have said, at the end of the day, you have to trust your instinct which sounds like you are and that this is working for you both.

I’m assuming you know the safe sleep guidelines and are choosing not to follow them. If not then the lullaby trust has all the information you need.

Haven't given birth yet but I'll be following le pause all the way! (Bringing up Bebe)

Poor baby

The Op has said her partner was in the bed next to the cot so which guidelines were being broken?

I’ve got twins; unfortunately they do have to cry while I tend to the other one. I’m not sure what the limit has been leaving them crying, but I feel confident it’s longer than what most parents would be comfortable with (and tbh I fucking hate it but what can I do). I’m pretty sure every parent of multiples since the dawn of time has been in the same position, and adult twins aren’t all emotionally fucked up psychopaths.

And that’s my penny’s worth.

I’m generally in the breastfed / cuddle to sleep camp but if it only takes him 5 mins to fall asleep then I can’t see a problem with it. If he was really upset he’d cry a lot longer than that.

I’m against CIO, but it appears you aren’t doing CIO. 3-5mins of whining before sleeping is totally fine. One of my DC has sensory issues so cuddling, rocking, noise, touching, would make them uncomfortable. They needed solitude, quiet and pitch dark to fall asleep. Your DC seems similar?

Literally no harm will come from baby crying for a few minutes. Sometimes it has to happen for various reasons. I had a small age gap, sometimes one of them had to cry.

If he is settled within 3 minutes, I wouldn't be sweating it, but I know you'll get stick on here for it. You may find in a day or two, he won't even take that long.

@CFornot Im following sleep safe guidelines? He’s in a cot next to our bed and only sleeps in sleep sacks and has nothing else in the bed? Im breastfeeding also so I’m not sure what you mean by not following..

a little update: he slept from last night until 5am this morning and he has never done this since he was born! Im not sure if it’s a fluke but if it’s working I’m going to carry on doing it, (as long as it’s no longer than a few minutes and he’s not generally upset crying) he woke for his 5am feed and I fed him and he went back to sleep until 7am when we get up for the day.

@ReleasetheCrackHen yes he does seem to be the same, I have the room dark with black out curtains, the white noise was working but now not so much.. if I try and soothe him lately he’s all fussy and gets more and more worked up which was taking me hours and hours to get him to sleep and he was very over tired during the day. Im not a fan of cry it out but I don’t think technically this counts now and plus he slept amazing last night.

im going to see how he gets on tonight and I might update tomorrow if anyone cares lol

One of my 6 grizzle cried for 10 minutes before sleep every night. Nothing soothed her, and often it made her much worse and made her really cry if you tried to rock her or anything.

Sounds like yours is similar.

5 minutes is nothing to worry or feel bad about. There are unfortunately many times you have to let your baby cry for that length of time to shower, use the toilet, drive somewhere, make dinner, etc. No one would ever claim that those situations are damaging a baby, and there’s no reason IMO to think it would be any different in this situation. In fact, I think you’re helping your baby by promoting his sleep, which is so so important for development according to lots of research.

Your message suggested you may leaving upstairs alone to sleep. My DH older brother died from SIDS and I see the impact of this on PIL over 40 years later so I maybe a little eager to be concerned.

I have 3 children (all under 5 so sleep training still very memorable in my mind). I think a few minutes crying/settling is absolutely fine. I made the mistake of never leaving my eldest to cry at all and he was an awful sleeper. Numbers 2 and 3 have been gently sleep trained (ie left for a few minutes to allow them to settle) at around 6 months and has made a huge difference as you've already seen. They are all healthy and happy and just as importantly so am I!