Being an older Mum

[wonderings2]

Are there any older mums that would like to share their opinion?

I'm turning 40 at the beginning of next year and I would really love another baby, currently have a 4 year old starting school next month.

Brief life history...I met my now husband at 19, we bought our house when I was 24, married when I was 31 and had DD when I was 35. We spent most of our 20's and early thirties doing some travelling, building careers etc. and there never seemed a rush to do anything. If I'm honest I never felt ready for a baby (DH was aways very keen but understood I wasn't ready)

It turned out that even though I was very worried and obviously its one of the hardest things you can do, I actually really enjoyed it and honestly its been the making of me. Id planned to go back to work after mat leave ended then try again for another.

Unfortunately Covid hit, I lost my job (meaning we couldn't then move to a bigger house as planned) several family members got poorly and needed support and I needed to find another job...

Its taken until now to really get back on our feet, I've been in my job 2 years now, we can afford to move (although the way the housing market is at the moment who knows??)

Would it very selfish to have a baby at this age and with a bigger gap between DD too? Obviously its not a given that I could conceive at my age but its not unheard of either?

Well I lost my Mum when my children were small, I was grieving while also looking after small children . However she had me at 30 and I had my dd’s older, so it averaged out as though we’d each been 35/6 which is a pretty standard age to have a baby. My friends the same age as me either lost their Mum long before having babies , or still have her, it is pretty random amongst my peers. If you have a baby at 40 but your mum had you at 25, then she is only 65 being a Grandma, and more likely than not to live another twenty years, but nothing is guaranteed in life ever.
Personally I found having primary school age children to focus on carried me through the first year of grief after my Mum died.

Quote: MintJulia · 03/08/2023 13:37

I had DS (my only) at 45+2. He was a bit of a late surprise 😊but I've loved every moment. I wasn't very fit before I conceived but had a trouble free pregnancy, not even any nausea, slightly slow labour, and a bit of help right at the end.

Ds was born 8lb, exactly 50th percentile, no issues.

At 47 I realised if I wanted to keep up, I needed to build up my fitness so started running. By 50 I could run 10k on a good day.

It's been plain sailing since. DS is 15 (tomorrow), I'm 60, and parkrun most weeks, and still cycle & practice martial arts with him. Work full time etc. He can out-ski and out-cycle me now but I don't mind. Three years until he heads off to university, at which point I'll retire.

........

I love reading this, I've gotten pregnant at 44, much to my surprise, no kids to date. I am quite petrified about the prospect, but mostly due to the widespread negativity. Very nice to read something super positive!

Hi older mum here. Had a huge surprise at 45 ....I was in floods of tears for months now I look back.

He is 18 months now and I have no idea how I have got this far. I am exhausted all the time and some days just feel so alone. As someone said earlier all your friends have older kids . My one saviour has been a outdoor gym class up the road. I had a very free life..career, apt, friends,
Although it's all changed I take one day at a time...and am so proud of my strength . My partner is 8 years younger and we make sure at weekend everyone gets time to themselves but of course all mums do most of the work.
I saw someone who is 60 and had such a positive outlook. I worry so much so my son and what he will think as he gets older having this older mum.
Love to hear from anyone

Had my first at 39 and second at 45 despite being peri-menopausal. First couple of years were very hard juggling a high needs baby and menopause, but I honestly never felt "too old". I'm 54 now and have never felt better. My boys adore each other and I'm back doing well in a new career. However, between us we have four parents in their 80s/90s, one of whom has advanced dementia and needs a lot of care, so having kids as an older mom definitely puts you in that sandwich generation and the elders take up a lot more of my time and energy now than the dcs.

If you feel up to it go for it.

The point about potentially them losing their parents young is valid but also isn't.
My friends parents had her at 17. When she was 15 her mum died due to health complications and when she was 20 her dad died due to an accident.
Sadly, these things happen. You could live to 100. You could live to 35. Who knows.
I agree woth the PP you can't base your life on what if.

A lady at our toddler group was 40 when she had her 1st and 45 her 2nd. She's 48 now and wowzers she runs rings around me with fitness and I'm 12 years younger than her!

If you feel you can do it, and are healthy absolutely go for it OP.