Can a baby move into their own room at 4 months of age?

[Bridisco]

Hello all,

I feel as a new parent that the truth of parenting is rarely reflected.

Is every single parent in the UK sitting quietly in a dark room with their baby just waiting for sids to strike? I don’t think so.

There are over 650,000 births every year in the UK and 200 babies sadly die. The per cent chance of risk is close to nothing.

However, I do invite any new parents to ponder on my question. Can a baby move into their own room at 4 months of age? Does the baby monitor counter much of the worry out there as you can see baby is sleeping well and breathing?

My baby sleeps for stretches of 4 hours and bottle, 3 hours and bottle, 3 hours and bottle, then 2 hours and then gets up etc.

Please don’t quote googled statistics and feel free to give your own perspective.

Thank you.

I'm going to ask you a question.

Could you live with yourself if your child became one of those statistics and you hadn't followed the guidance?

I know where the guidance comes from. It comes from research, some of it from babies who died from SIDS, some from babies like my DD, who, through having paternal family history of SIDS (her paternal aunt, and her father's cousin both died) was monitored on the Care of Next Infant programme from the Lullaby Trust. As part of that we were asked if we would participate in research to help prevent SIDS, and we said of course. We recorded every feed, every nappy, weighed her daily, and she slept wired up to a heart rate, pulse, and oxygen saturation monitor until she was ten months old.

She also had an Angelcare monitor.

At five months old, at 2.30am one Dunday night, my dd stopped breathing. Her consultant paediatrician issued monitor went off and woke us up. Her cot was next to me, and lifting her started her breathing again. The shock made her scream the house down.

Her Angelcare monitor didn't go off. She wasn't breathing, but there was enough movement in her body that it didn't trigger until I lifted her off it. Even though her body was moving enough to not trigger the monitor she wasn't getting any oxygen.

I dread to think what would have happened if she hadn't had the hospital monitor, or if she hadn't been in our room.

The guidance exists because of the research done on babies like her aunt, and babies like her uncle who was born and studied after his sibling died, and dd who was also studied. Those families relived the worst thing anyone can so that researchers could learn from the deaths of their babies, and those families who have every minute tracked and monitored, all to try to prevent anyone else going through the same.

I think people forget that the guidance is based on research into thousands of dead babies. Thousands of families, who just put their baby down to sleep and they never woke up.

So, to answer your question - yes, a baby CAN move into their own room at 4 months, but why on earth would you risk it?

If I had, my dd may well not be here. And risking that just for a good night's sleep? There's no reason good enough. Your good night's sleep could turn into the last good night you ever have. My PIL have never recovered.

Our son moved into his own room at 6 weeks when he slept through the night. No harm ever came to him and hes now 16. Oh and we didnt have a monitor.

I don’t understand why you’d want to rush it. They are small for such a short amount of time they are a tiny baby for that and as a mother we should always want them close.

i certainly wouldn’t be pushing my child out of my room at 4 months old no reason is good enough when my child was that old I liked being able to listen and see without it being a monitor. I also think statistics and guidelines are there for a reason.

The biggest protective factor of SIDS is baby sleeping on back. I felt confident in my risk assessment to move my baby into their own room before 6 months.

Despite people parroting the whole baby needs to hear you breathing as fact, it is actually an unproven theory. No one actually knows why baby sleeping in the same room mildly lowers the (already low) risk of SIDS.

It really is a personal choice. There's no way I'd co-sleep for example but the next person who wouldn't move baby into their own room before 6 months may decide to co-sleep.

We all make our risk assessments as parents.

Thanks for your thoughts on this and sharing your experience.

Thanks for your thoughts on this and sharing your experience.

The risk of SIDS is so low in this country because we treat safe sleep as a public health issue and provide evidence based guidance to parents to reduce the risk of SIDS. The guidance is generally followed well, hence the number of infant deaths are reduced.

Your question is CAN you? Of course you can! It's your kid and your risk to take.

My baby is 3 and a half months and still in the bedroom with us and the plan is to keep him in with us until at least 6 months old. The guidance is based on so much research and we wouldn't be given advice just for the sake of it - it's there for a reason. Plus, I love waking up to him babbling away to himself, so going to make the most of it!!

Thanks for sharing your experience and I understand how these issues impacted upon your mental health. I find it a worrying time as well.

This. The 'tiny' risk is because most parents follow most of the advice. It's like saying, 'well how many people get thrown through the windscreen anyway?' when most people wear seatbelts.

DD slept in the same room as us until about a year. Also, BFing, the closer they are the better for everyone's sleep.

Thanks for your thoughts. So few take into consideration economic status, people to help when you’re exhausted and so on. I like individual choice.

You sound like a total champion! Thank you for an insight into your circumstances!

Who talks like that 😂😩

I like messages with hope - look forward to that time when it comes!

The risk of SIDS isn't next to nothing.
My godson died at 8 weeks old from SIDS.
If there was anything I could do to minimise the risk after watching my best friend go through that hell- I would do it.
I guess having seen it first hand makes me more anxious about the risks.

I was in my own room from day 1.

I’ve spent thousands on therapy in my 30s and 40s.

Probably not a coincidence.

Chat bots?

Thank you for sharing! What was the consultant monitor that your DD was hooked up to - is this something that can be purchased online?

I recall not sleeping much at night as when pregnant with my DC I had gestational diabetes and midwife told me it increased the chances of breathing issues in newborns. DC is thankfully fine but I'm now TTC but am extremely paranoid. Would be good to know of any monitors that can help!

I'm so so sorry.

My condolences.

I desperately wanted to keep my baby in our room for as long as possible. We ended up moving him to his own room early, just before 5 months old due to a few reasons:

1. the crib he slept in in our room was a family heirloom that I slept in as a baby, however it was wooden and quite narrow, therefore when he looked like he was starting to roll over, and we stopped swaddling, he would whack his hands on the sides if he startled, waking him up and us up!

2. his baby noises, as cute as they were, kept me awake all night. To the point where I was wearing earplugs so that I could still hear him cry but not his 'other' noises.

3. we had a creaky bed which was disturbing him, who would in turn disturb us!

I ummed and ahhed for days but eventually, and after many tears from me, DS went into his own room. I definitely wasn't ready, really, and I think for a while he picked up on that but now, at 11mo, he still sleeps in his own room with a couple of short wakes a night where we either feed or rock back to sleep. I no longer need earplugs, and the whole family gets a bit more rest!

It's interesting you say that @GCWorkNightmare

I got a lot of shit from one mum we know who put hers in her own room from birth, didn't want to BF because she felt 'weird' about it, believed in CIO. She went on and on at me because my DD was a poor sleeper and she thought I was doing everything wrong. Her poor child is now depressed and anxious and mine is happy and healthy. I know these things are population level and it's probably a coincidence. But her general attitude to having a baby I don't think helped her child.

All 3 of my babies slept in a cot in my bedroom with DH and me until their first birthday. Then they moved into their own rooms with a baby monitor.

Mine went into their own room at 5 months and slept through ever since. I use a monitor and then a breathing monitor that goes off if there is no breathing detected. I had a false alarm whilst I was in a deep sleep and was up and in the room in a flash. I think if you don't wake easy to babies cry or an alarm then you should keep them in your room

DD1 at around 6 months.
DD2 at around 8/9 months.

Personally I wouldn't do it earlier than 6 months.