Newborn sleep - only on me (not husband)

[Anonnewbie]

I have a 2 week old baby and he won't generally sleep anywhere except on me and I have no idea how I'm meant to sleep.
He has reflux so often vomits. Whenever he is uncomfortable with it he just wants to feed (I'm breastfeeding).
If I feed him and keep him on me he will sleep for hours on end. If I hand him to his dad or put him in the crib he wakes up and cries and roots until I feed again. I've co-slept in bed for part of the night a couple of times (but would rather not) and even then he often objects to being put down - and usually wakes for a feed every hour.
Now and then he will sleep on my husband or in his own bed/pram, but usually he doesn't sleep as long if this is the case (especially the crib - very rarely sleeps more than an hour in there).
He's better in the daytime so I usually get a bit of a nap (maybe an hour or more) in at some point, but nights are impossible. It feels like there's no point in my husband helping out any more because it just makes two tired people - I might get a bit of rest if he takes the baby and tries to settle him but inevitably the baby doesn't sleep so I'm woken up to feed between 10-45 minutes later.

Everything I see on the internet about sleep issues assumes that the issue is either how regularly the baby needs feeding, or that they will only contact nap (but with dad as well as mum). It feels so unhelpful because it's not hunger waking him up, and we can't take shifts because he won't settle with dad most of the time.

Any tips? Husband has tried what he can to keep baby off me while I rest but nothing seems to work. Prams, cars, slings etc rarely work.

Hi OP, congratulations on your new baby! We didn’t have the reflux you are dealing with, but I breastfeed and baby was often hard to put down. One thing we did so dad could help was that I would fall sleep while feeding (a bit uncomfortable sitting up but I was so tired I could’ve slept standing tbh) and he would either try to put baby down when thy had naturally unlatched and were in a deeper sleep, or just stay awake and make sure baby didn’t wriggle off me or anything. If you can get a two/three hour stretch of sleep it makes all the difference! They are still super tiny so this will pass but I know it’s hard when it’s all on you x

That's how we have survived so far!
We tried giving a bottle so husband could feed but he just drank it, sicked up and cried for me.

Hey, my first daughter suffered trying with reflux. She could never be laid down, always uncomfortable, alot of crying etc. Would only want to be on my chest.

The best thing to help it was getting her on medication (Omeprazole), and she was formula fed so the anti reflux milk. It really helped and she slept much better.

Id speak to your GP particularly if they are already showing reflux symptoms. Xx

Oh bless you OP.... Reading this feels like what we went through 3 yes ago. Rest assured this will change but I imagine right now you're feeling desperate. Start by trying to get your husband to take him more when possible. Naps get longer but sleep is so dictated to by digestion. We found a cranial osteopath helpful for reflux. If you can keep up the bf it will help. Wind baby every few mins (he will hate this but prevents the big sicks).

Nights are lonely when you're running solo but I found it easier to get on with things myself and definitely contact your health visitor or local breast feeding clinic /cafe for support.

Hang in there x

A wedge under a mattress in a cot or pram really helps baby not lie flat

What were your expectations of sleep with a newborn?

Your experience is very typical.

You can't expect sleep.

Most cots have a setting to adjust angle which helps a bit.
At two weeks old babies don’t have their circadian rhythms developed, so many sleep well during the day and stir and breastfeed a lot in the night - it will pass.

Read more on co-sleeping - it is the solution for most breastfeeding mums.

What was the point of this comment exactly other than to be nasty? Of course I didn't expect proper sleep but many people manage to get 1-4 hours at a time by giving the baby to their partner, and all advice seems to expect that they will be able to sleep on someone else/in a pram etc at least some of the time which is where I'm struggling.
Also, of course people sleep with a newborn. It's broken, unpredictable and never as much as they want to sleep etc but they do, it's not physically possible to get no sleep at all. So you're both wrong and rude and I'm not sure why you bothered posting.

Thanks to everyone else who responded with tips. So far health visitors have suggested that it's perfectly normal to have reflux symptoms at this age and not to worry but I might mention it again - they last visited after a relatively good night so I probably didn't explain how bad it has been.

@Anonnewbie Health visitors in my opinion never take like this as seriously from the beginning, they'll just say things like oh pop a wedge under the cot or have them upright for a while and not address the problem.

Don't suffer in silence, if your baby is having reflux then you'll need something to help them through it until they get a bit older. Speak to you GP, they may recommend Gaviscon infant as your first thing to try. In my experience, it doesn't help but babies are all different but give it a go, if no change within 48hrs, go back and tell them again about symptoms /how your little one is.

I've just had my second baby and she was showing the same signs of reflux and is now already on medication, my GP trusted in how I was telling him my baby was and checked her over.

Hope you're OK, don't listen to anything negative. X

One of mine had GERD, so really bad constant reflux,

• wedge under mattress pillow so they are never laid horizontal but always head higher than toes
• Id nurse the baby and then hand off to dad to carry, do any nappy changes, wind and soothe to sleep while I went back to sleep so we didn’t have shifts but it made each night feeding half as long for us both.
• the waking up is often at hand off or being put down, not because where they’ve gone is pants so you sooth and comfort in situ if they stir.
• a dummy might be good as the sucking is comforting at that age and gives your nipples a rest

Forgot to say I agree with posters suggesting infant reflux medication as well.

What a twat response.

Of course you should expect some degree of rest! I had this with my son and I would agree with posters about getting medication. The GPs never helped me because it was the pandemic and I became suicidal from lack of sleep. Please demand the proper stuff and refuse gaviscon.

I'd suggest getting your latch checked at a local drop on by a breastfeeding specialist. Sometimes a change of latch can aid digestion.

This is, unfortunately, normal. Read up on safe co sleeping - if you can't bring yourself to do it at night, can you try it in the day to get some rest while your partner is awake? Will baby sleep in pram or preferably sling in the fresh air, could your partner take him for a short walk so you can sleep?

This will pass but it is ROUGH, I'm sorry x

Hi. I'm a maternity nurse

Ooor you. Ive had a lot of babies with reflux. It is tiring

Swaddle. Wind well. Place on reflux block so is tilted in cot

If bottle then pace feeding esp with reflux

You can try reflux milk. It's thicker so need to go up a size teat

If being very sick baby need omeprazole

Gaviscon I find doesn't usually work unless mild reflux

Congratulations on the birth of your newborn.
It sounds pretty normal tbh. Especially when you say baby sleeps better during the day etc. sometimes it takes a while for babies to their days and nights right. Keeping it noisy through the day and quiet at night and they gradually adjust.
Babies cluster feed at night to try and get the supply up. So its important you get some rest during the day/early hours of the morning. I found baby was more settled from around 2-3am. I got an uninterrupted hour or 2 around then. First few weeks are purely survival!

Keep doing what you are doing, it does sound normal but that doesn't mean it isn't very hard. You say that baby 'only'sleeps for an hour with your DH but that is an hour of unbroken sleep for you. Take it. Never look at the clock. They might sleep for 10 minutes or they might sleep for 90. I don't think that you can influence hugely apart from obvious things like keeping room dark at night and light in the day, going for walks etc. It evolves but it is shattering.

I co slept and did mini hourly feeds from 6am to 10am (he doesn't sleep very well in my bed as he doesn't like being on his back, so wakes up more but it's still more restful for me), I'm just about surviving on bits of sleep like that. He then had a proper feed and I gave him to husband to wind and settle but he just arched and grizzled and rooted until I feed him again - I'm sure he wasn't hungry again already he just reacts to the discomfort by demanding a feed. We haven't managed to ever settle him without breastfeeding once he starts complaining, but simetimes he only suckles for 30 seconds before falling asleep so I think a dummy might be a good idea. I'll try everything suggested, although we already tried husband taking him in sling/pram for a walk and doing the settling, it just hasn't worked so far. I think husband needs to persevere with that and accept that just because it doesn't work at 11am doesn't mean it's not worth trying again after lunch.

I guess apart from that I will continue racing up to bed the moment baby is not on me even if 95% of the time I don't get to sleep because he cries for a feed within 10 minutes.

The baby is two weeks old.

Of course he hasn't got any sort of pattern to feeding and sleeping yet, and it takes a while to be able to burp productively.

The lack of sleep, preference for sleeping close to where he can feel and hear the heartbeat he heard for nine months, and no rhyme or reason to feeding is absolutely normal.

A couple of questions:
Has he regained his birth weight ?
Have you tried manipulating your diet (cutting out caffeine, acidic foods, chilli etc) ?
If both of the above have been done then I suggest (during the day not at night) you lie him down with a clean bum and full tummy and run yourself a nice hot bath. Set an alarm for 10 minutes, if he is stilling crying after that pick him up. He has to learn to settle without you holding him.

Have you tried a swaddle? Worked wonders for our little one

Are you feeding whilst lying down AND cosleeping at the same time? As in sleeping whilst he feeds. That’s (often) very helpful.
BASIS is a really useful website for information about baby sleep / behaviour.

It may also be worth getting some in person breastfeeding support to make sure that’s he’s 1) feeding as effectively as possible 2) that the latch is not allowing him to swallow air and leading to reflux symptoms 3) to explore the potential of allergies causing reflux symptoms 4) if you attend a group setting, you can commiserate with other mums who are also in the sleepless trenches with you.

You’re only 2 weeks in, breathe and take it easy. The early days are tough. Do what you need to do to get through this. FWIW last night was the first night I didn’t cosleep for any part of the night with my 6wo. White noise has been a big help for him but made no difference with my older child, they’re all different. If you need to cosleep, do that. It’s great you were able to catnap 6-10am. My toddler woke me up at 6 despite only just getting the baby down. Take what you can, know it will get easier. Regarding sling/pushchair how long are you trying for? Sometimes it works in seconds other times it might be an hour. Reflux is hard and there’s been some good advice on this thread.

Yes I’m not stupid, I do have a child. But your post indicates that OP can’t expect any rest, which is ridiculous.

We had a similar struggle and as DD was gaining weight everyone was reluctant to give us anything for the reflux except Gaviscon, which as several posters mentioned above doesn't really work. What helped us is DH keeping an eye while I slept with the baby on or next to me, both in the daytime and at night. If you can try and get one 4 hour stretch every 24 hours that will help massively. Once baby was a bit bigger I felt comfortable cosleeping, she still needs to feed everytime she's unsettled but I hardly wake up.

Please ignore anyone asking you what you expected, it's incredibly unhelpful. All babies are hard and some babies are harder than others. I wanted to die for the first six weeks but it honestly did get so much better for us.

I have recently had this.... things that helped.

• getting tongue tie cut. This was a game changer. We went from never being on his back to sleeping in his crib that night
• sleeping on me in the safest way possible. Not ideal and obviously not recommended but on a breast-feeding mum, with a pillow on either side of your body so your arms are raised and they can't roll. Also used an owlet sock so it would alarm with any issue. I know it's totally against guidelines but it did finally allow me some sleep. Sometimes it's about the safest possible thing in that moment rather than the ideal.
• reflux medication. I got offered omeprazole without issue, gp said they wouldn't bother with faffing with gaviscon. So just ask for it. But we are now 8 weeks in and everything is so much better that I never have used it, he slept through in his crib from 9pm to 5am the other night. I know you get told everything is a phase but it really is. Hang in there