If you could go back and not allow gaming for your kids, would you?

[Brandybucks]

I have 4 sons, all under 10 at the moment. So far we haven't allowed any gaming, just tv. I'd be interested to hear from those further ahead on the parenting journey whether allowing gaming is something you regret or wish you had delayed or whether you feel you got a good balance. Thanks!

This is a really interesting thread. I got rid of Roblox about 2 months ago and also banned YouTube because mine was addicted to watching awful kids gaming and commentating. Their attitudes and language was just appalling and mine was definitely influenced by it and his behaviour was getting worse.

He's MUCH better now. He's still allowed the iPad but only for Minecraft and a few other games that have not lead to the same intense levels of addiction as Roblox. I only allowed him to play it at the weekend and it was all he could think about.

He is desperate for a switch for Xmas. He will be nearly 9. I'm a bit hesitant but figure it's better than shitty Roblox and YouTube?

We believe that it is unavoidable and should not be excluded or 'managed out' or 'managed down' from the house. It's completely embedded in our society and it's becoming more and more recognisable as a method for acquiring new skills, including time management skills. So the opposite, we encourage the kids to explore tech and particularly gaming as much as possible.

Whether they will strike a balance is partially down to chance and depends on the individual, how sensible they are, and how your input as a parent is effectively in communicating the pros and cons of gaming (you can only offer your advice and guidance) .

My DD was never obsessed but enjoyed some games occasionally which were lovely interesting problem solving type. She is naturally a balanced and sensible person anyway.

DS however was very different, a lot more intense and many many hours (!) gone in front of the screen, and yes, he did less homework as a result. Would he spend more time on his homework if we banned gaming? I'm pretty sure the answer is No! Curiously over the years he moved on to other things. He doesn't touch gaming now (18) 🤷🏻‍♀️

This was an interesting read, as it was probably about two months ago we stopped letting our seven and four year old play on the Xbox. The four year old barely mentions it now, but it's still all the seven year old can think about even though he hasn't had it for two months. He also was only allowed it for a couple of hours at the weekend when he was allowed to play. How old is your child out of interest?

I think there is often a susceptibility to obsessive behaviour that isn't necessarily harmful. So mine constantly talks about his game but if it wasn't gaming it would probably be trading cards or dinosaurs or whatever else. Our NDN's son talks non stop about cars and has a million classic car magazines which he will bore anyone to death with just as my DS does with a game.

I try and remind myself of this when the constant chat about it is ticking me off 🤣 as long as behaviour / language / etc are unaffected and he's capable of other interests, then I assume that the "obsession" is relatively natural.

No.
My DSs are adults now. They started around 8 with gameboys. Moved on to xbox and computer games by 10.
I was ruthless about time limits which made it hard at the time but in hindsight was the right decision.
One played Runescape, learned a huge amount from that. The other played Age of Empires and similar.
One had more of an addiction than the other but on balance it's positive.
We live miles from their friends so the social side was invaluable.
As adults they pick up games occasionally, might play online with DH.

No. DSs are 7 and 10. During term they get 30 minutes a day after supper and homework (if they don’t have activities…so maybe three week nights a week or zero in cricket season for DS1!). However, we have a Switch and they do not play online. They do often play with DH or each other. DH is a teacher and has a fairly clear set of views about which games he will and won’t let them play. They do not have phones and DS1 will get a brick in Y6. He’s one of about four children in his class without a smartphone…that would worry me far more.

We only have Switch and Wii and mostly play stuff together, and it has never become an obsession with my DC, but I have seen issues with friends DC who have broken screens/tv's, got aggressive shouting loudly, stayed up all night gaming ,, to know that I would not let DC behave like that. I have seen friends at social events, lunches etc, where the DC are demanding to go home and game as soon as the food is over. They become obsessed with gaming.

It is down to parental control , we are the adults , we are in charge, not them, and I think that if gaming makes them aggressive then they should be stopped from playing. If they game all night, then turn off the wifi etc. If they break the screen, they don't get another one. If they game instead of revising, take it away from them.

The same with mobile phones. It is no good just saying "oh its what teenagers do now, sit on phones ignoring each other". Parents have the power to stop it, take the phones away, make them interact, go out and do stuff.

I know adult males in their 20's who can't/don't want to hold down a functional relationship as they would rather be gaming. They don't leave the house.

@skyeisthelimit Parents seem to find those courses of action difficult because they want to be friends with DC and not parents. So insisting on all the things you mention is very hard and in the end avoided.

I am truly doubtful if Dc learn anything of consequence. Gaming is not vital in any world I know if. My relative has been very average at school after being bright as a young child with great Maths and reading. Refusing to do homework set in snd learning went backwards.Behaviour deteriorated. As the friends (parents) did nothing to stop the obsession it got worse.

If you do little else besides gaming you actually seem to have fewer friends. Relative found a “friend” in the USA and was allowed to visit. I think parents are deluded if they think gaming really helps with intelligence. How on earth did people manage before gaming? It’s social
up to a point but even that has limitations and the art of conversation seems to be stunted.