If you could go back and not allow gaming for your kids, would you?

[Brandybucks]

I have 4 sons, all under 10 at the moment. So far we haven't allowed any gaming, just tv. I'd be interested to hear from those further ahead on the parenting journey whether allowing gaming is something you regret or wish you had delayed or whether you feel you got a good balance. Thanks!

Interested in these replies as my eldest is 6 now and not yet very aware of games but I expect it's coming.

I feel less concerned about video games than I do about smartphones. My sister and I had a game boy, sega megadrive then a playstation 1 when we were younger and while there were periods where we would get really into certain games, I never felt it was a problem. I know games are a lot more sophisticated now though and the online communication adds another layer of obligation.

I would also say I wish I hadn’t worried about gaming and let them have it sooner. You can always restrict to weekend mornings only or something like that if you want.

No, it's fine. Don't know why I stressed about it so much when my eldest was younger.

You do have to have limits but that's the same with everything really.

Just want to add I found smartphones more worrying. Gaming seems like an innocent, wholesome pursuit in comparison. I don't regret getting my daughter a phone in year 6. She was one of the last to get one and I believe she'd be socially isolated without one. However, it is a worry. A whole new world of exposure which I find hard to control.

They suck children in. Some not very far but others become belligerent and very difficult to manage. Bolting down food to get back to gaming. Or watching gaming on U tube.

Reading some of this, one wonders how Dc ever learnt anything before gaming? They did of course but tv was a better childminder than gaming. It’s less addictive. So limit it. Be very aware of personality changes. Do not give in to whinging and do expect homework to be done and good behaviour to be maintained. Ensure reading continues and makes sure Dc have a varied life including sport and other hobbies.

Absolutely! Not sure I said anything pro YouTube!?

no regrets.

dc1 23 has a degree and works in a related industry now. All through their love of gaming and all things online.
he also was in the scouts
Read and still reads books
was a keen cyclist.
during the ages of 13 and 15 we'd occasionally have to ban all screens apart from the TV for a week. to break what looked like behaviour changes due to games, after that he learnt to self regulate or lose them again.

DC2 late teens, at uni doing a great degree. Only plays games on consoles, with and without friends. Has and active life is not obsessed with games and online. Again we didn't regulate and never had to ban screens from the them.

They had tablets, ps1 and wii from an early age, later had xbox's ps3 and 4 and computers.

I agree it's the phones that were more of a worry and took careful managing.

probably helped that dh and me both grew up with games on Spectrum and Amstrads, later Sega's and Nintendos. when we got together got a PS.

I'm ok with the gaming. Found it easy to manage and monitor appropriate use and it hasnt been negative.

The youtube/tiktok/snapchat stuff on phones has been much harder and Id like to have somehow stopped that much more.

Hold off as long as you can. If your dc have hobbies and interests then let them flourish. I know so many kids so got into gaming about age 8, gave up hobbies and are basically reclusive.

Actually it’s a tough question because honestly there were times in my sons teens I felt he definitely gamed too much , to the extent that we started to insist on one hour of family time every night so we all got chance to reconnect .

However I would say it was an absolute godsend for him during the lockdown and covid period , as he had the best social interactions with his friends every day .

It actually meant I rather reassessed his gaming and came to see it as his form of social time with his friends , which I hadn’t really appreciated before . Because they weren’t physically in the room with him, I somehow felt it didn’t count .

He now has his own house , but still games regularly!

Tricky one. There was a time when I definitely regretted it. My child struggled at school and was not interested in anything other than gaming. I felt it really impacted his ability to focus. I loathed the Roblox/fortnite horrid games. I detested it. I loathe the gaming lifestyle too. Eating snacks, sitting in the dark, consoles and leads everywhere. It is awful to ke and I have no idea how women put up with grown up men living like that. I was about to pull the plug on it for my eldest.
Then as he entered Y5-Y6 he has pretty much regulated himself. He is taking his sports really seriously now and doing very well at school so the type of games he plays are all FIFA/NBA type games which I don't mind. No foul language etc

My youngest is 5 and he does play Minecraft but that is it. I will not enter roblox/fortnite hell with him. Never again.

I detest the gaming youtube shows with a passion. These kids shouting their heads off with foul language. Youtube is now 'broken' in our house apart from some of the crafty programmes and tutorials.

I really think it depends on the child. We had none at all when they were little - they're now 13 (DS) and 11 (DD) and we started letting them play Minecraft during lockdown - DH often plays with them. Aged 11 DS was DESPERATE for a switch. I was super hesitant - he's been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and he very easily gets addicted to screens - but eventually relented. It was a disaster. He cannot self-regulate. (DD, on the other hand, can.) The switch 'vanished' a year ago (for good.) We've also set up their phones (which they didn't get til year 6) so they only get an hour a day and they turn off at 8pm, and they're both at strictly no-phone schools.

Back I'm my day it was all tv is bad for you.
Mine gamed, very few restrictions and they've turned out fine.

My brother's also spent most of their teens swearing and shouting in their bedrooms on gaming headsets. Barely any interaction with the family. Addicted and poor self regulation as adults.

i now have teenagers that barely speak to me. the deepest conversations are done through whatsapp. They barely leave their rooms because they are watching some japanese cartoon or facetiming their pals. i think we are going to have a whole generation with no social skills at all. They were absolutely fine pre pandemic

@PerspiringElizabeth i was just agreeing with you as you mentioned YouTube in your original comment

I think we will have yet more division in society. Gamers and others. The others will enjoy a wider range of culture and activities and meet real friends. Probsbly have more friends. Gamers are less likely to have a wide array of activities. A relative, as a 9 year old, was gaming 9 hours a day. Excessive Screen times does mess up eye sight and definitely leads to less interest in other things. Relative stayed in house gaming and refused to come out on days out. A Parent stayed with him to facilitate this so it split the family. Roll on 10 years. Still gaming - no job, no uni, no apprenticeship. Just at home gaming. I would be so careful about gaming!!

I realised that later on 😄👍🏻

Hmm really tricky question for me. My 7yo is definitely addicted to the Switch. My 10 yo has games she loves but isn't addicted to.

Having seen the joy and the social currency he gets from it, no I wouldn't, but we are strict about limiting it. It's meant I probably spend more on extra curricular clubs than I would otherwise, to make sure we have a structured contrast.

DH and I have gamed a lot on a variety of different things, consoles/PCs/handheld/phone. The ones I worry about more are:

• games where you can't save and quit easily (eg because you're playing with other real life people)
• games which reward you for logging every day, like so many phone games do
• unstructured social media activity which is not really gaming but I would say is even more accessible and addictive!

The above is more what I'm guarding against but I'd be interested to hear if anyone thinks I haven't got that right 😆🤔

I think the issue for me, which is made quite stark by these answers, is that there are some kids who can do a bit of gaming but also maintain hobbies, get fresh air, do sport etc. And there are others for whom regulation seems impossible & they end up doing nothing else even as adults. I have a family member like this & It's like they live in an entirely virtual world all the time which doesn't seem at all healthy. It's a bit of a gamble knowing how your particular child will respond.

@Brandybucks I think the important thing to remember is that we're the adults. So if a child can't self-regulate, it gets removed - even if that is going to upset the child, and even if the child is (as mine was) 12. (He got over it fast - just like he did when I removed him dummy when he was 2. And he's back to filling his time with drama and music etc. and real life activities.)

Although just to be clear I'm fine with the DCs playing a couple of hours of Minecraft on a rainy afternoon, with DH. What I removed was the abilty to spend who knew how many hours playing Fortnite on his Switch (we tried time limits - he set up new accounts to get around them etc. - it was extraordinary.)

Yes

I wish I'd got a switch last year instead of letting DD (now 9) have Roblox. She wanted both but Roblox more. I did it mainly because a lot of her friends had it and I didn't want her to be left out. I should have known better as we already have to have the tv on a timer or she won't turn it off, and she struggles just as much with Roblox. She doesn't have it in the mid-week and isn't allowed to double-screen (have tv on while playing) but does like to call her friends so they can play at the same time.
She's got a switch now too which I don't mind so much as we can fully control what games she has.
I also wish I'd not allowed YouTube, and that is also limited now.
When she gets a phone at the end of y6 it will be restricted.
Too much screen time definitely affects her behaviour, she WANTS screens but NEEDS activity. It can be hard to get the balance.

I think it very much depends on the child.

I have two dc. One can regulate, and takes or leaves gaming. Has a variety of interests and hobbies.

The other has become more and more reclusive, uses gaming to self regulate, and it’s a constant struggle and frustration.

But it’s also not as simple as not allowing it. When Fortnite took off, I thought he was too young and held my ground. His class literally split between those who played and those who didn’t and he lost a friendship. Boys socialise a lot online and through games and it can be marginalising to cut that off.

Sometimes I fantasise about time travelling back to the 80s.