If you could go back and not allow gaming for your kids, would you?

[Brandybucks]

I have 4 sons, all under 10 at the moment. So far we haven't allowed any gaming, just tv. I'd be interested to hear from those further ahead on the parenting journey whether allowing gaming is something you regret or wish you had delayed or whether you feel you got a good balance. Thanks!

Not at all. If anything, I wish I'd been less strict with my eldest- my middle and youngest have been playing minecraft on the computer since they were about 4 and 2.5 respectively and it's taught them so much without them even realising- letters, spelling, reading, cooperation (they all play together), planning, mouse and keyboard control, how to type. Phone games from cbeebies have also taught them similar skills, whereas with my eldest she struggled a lot with traditional learning and her skills really increased with reading and so on once we allowed her to play more when she was maybe 7. To be fair, lockdown played a huge part in my kids exposure to games! It has genuinely helped, because we also curate which games they have access to- mostly ones with some sort of educational element, and preferably on a computer with keyboard and mouse rather than a touch screen. Also relevant is that all 3 of mine are neurodiverse so screens and games are a fab way for them to play alongside each other and also to help them self regulate.

No, in fact I wish I'd got them a Wii when they were younger and wanted one. I hadn't realised they could be good for playing as a family.

DS18 is pretty good at regulating his gaming time. DD doesn't really play.

Having said that, I was speaking to a child psychologist who sees a lot of teenage boys with problems with gaming all night. Obviously this has a bad impact on their lives. So it's not like it doesn't happen.

Mine are in their 20's and I don't regret it at all. They've learnt loads and do tons of socialising on line. It's just very different to how we grew up but not necessarily any worse. They're def not hanging around at bus stops bored to death looking for trouble so I see it as a mostly positive thing.

No. There's a lot of social capital in the playground and opportunity for shared experiences in tackling a game at the same time and trading hints and whatnot. There's a balance to be had but I think cutting them out outright is unnecessary and miserable.

Not at all. As others have said, it helps for reading and other skills. I find TV more passive than gaming, with games you have puzzles to work out etc. TV you just sit there

I remember wishing that my brother wasn’t allowed to play certain games when we were growing up.

He shouts quite violent things down a headset as his friends are all trying to kill something/someone in the game.

He was vile when he was told to come downstairs for dinner etc.

I’m sure it hugely interfered with his exam revision as he’d revise for an hour and then game for an hour. Or so he told us 😂 who knows how much revision he actually did. He did well but not amazingly. Though if course if he didn’t game he’d probably have found something else to procrastinate with as most of us do!

He’s in his mid 20s now and still games in much the same way, I don’t know how his girlfriend puts up with it tbh. You can hear him shouting from downstairs.

I think we will have some games when my DC are older but I will very heavily police the types of games they play.

No. Not going to lie, there have been times over the past few years when I've wanted to tear my hair out over the bloody PS4 but on balance I'm happy with how things have turned out.
DS is 15 and has had the PS4 since he was 11. I've always had a few rules around its use, for example no playing in the morning before school, only after homework is done after school and during lockdown, he wasn't allowed to play during school hours, even at lunchtime. I've never had time limits as such, but will tell him to turn off when he's been on for a long time, or something else needs to be done.
I've also always tried to make sure he has other interests, like sports so it's not taking up all his time, especially at the weekends.

Over the last year or so, he's been playing less as his schoolwork has increased, he wants to go out with friends or his girlfriend, or go to the gym. I know some of his friends do little other than game though, and it has been hard for him at times to get friends to come out as they'd rather be playing at home, which is frustrating! But on the flip side, it was really beneficial over lockdown as it gave him a chance to interact with his friends.

I think like a lot of things, gaming as an activity is not harmful and has lots of benefits - the problems come when that's all you do, or find it hard to stop.

No. They got a lot of enjoyment out of it and socialised through it - but the caveat was that school and hobbies were not to slide, and violent games were not allowed.

I've had a no gaming on a school night rule and I'm glad I stuck to that. I'm also glad that they get to game on Fridays, Saturdays and school holidays. It's fun for them. Dh and I occasionally game too.

if i could go back and ban iphones and ipads i would in a second. Biggest mistake of my parenting life.

I don’t regret setting time limits.
Phones however are a different matter. I think smart phones a bit evil for children.

I have a four and seven year old who were allowed to play games (Lego avengers on Xbox) and we have recently banned them as we think we made mistake letting them play as they are too young. The main reason was that they became too obsessed with it. Were initially allowed a couple of hours on each weekend day but it was just all they were asking to do. We would be doing an activity like building Lego together and they would be all happy and engaged and then if my husband arrived home (they would associate his presence with playing games as he is the one that would put it on) they would immediately lose interest in what they were doing and say they wanted to play games now. Also we could have had a lovely day out and a special tea etc and I would ask at bedtime if they had had a nice day and they would reply "no as there were no games". Not sure when we will add it back, so will be interesting to read this thread and see what the consensus is. I'm not sure if banning it all together is the right option and for how long or what to do really but I didn't like how it made them.

No, definitely not. The online cooperation, planning etc for builds on Minecraft and Fortnite helped mine get through lockdown.

Thank you for all these answers, it's useful food for thought!

@jolaylasofia would you be happy to explain a bit more why? Thanks!

No, we've never made it an issue, they game when they want but have lots of activities/sports and friends they see outside of the home as well as occasionally game with.

My nephew was banned totally from screens and is now an addict, you'll have to prise his Nintendo controller from his cold dead hands to get him to stop.

Absolutely not. Mine were PC gamers though. Typing speeds of 120wpm, incredible hand eye co ordination. Built their own gaming computers. They had lots of interests though. A well rounded childhood is the key.

Yep I would.

DS1 is 8 and had the switch from age 4ish - Mario, Animal Crossing etc. PlayStation ‘broke’ about a year ago as it sent him wild. We’ve recently gone to switch 3 days a week and his behaviour is so much better. I’ve just banned Roblox for good, we tried it for a bit because he can chat to his school friends etc, but it was the absolute worst and he got so angry. We spoke about it in a calm moment and he didn’t understand his behaviour himself, he really was crying out for us to ban it and he honestly sounded grateful for that boundary.

DS2 is 5 and luckily not very into gaming so that’s that. I will deffo be more careful and not encourage it. However he spent literally years of his life on YouTube kids which is an absolute abyss of shite and I regret that. He is VERY creative and clever and delightful still though but I do wonder if we’ve stunted him. Now he is only allowed to watch one Lego channel, and only on the big TV not on phones (so isolating!)

DC3 is 1 and absolutely wont get YouTube ever, and hopefully wont be into gaming. I’ll discourage it.

Different kids need different things though. DS1 loves ANY kind of game - board game, sport, console. DS2 not really bothered.

No gaming. Even with limits they've barely read a book since.
I wished I'd binned my DS's screens a year before exams but it's too late now.

Also re phones we are going to:

1. delay having any phone as much as possible
2. have phones available for the kids to take with them when they go out. But they are family phones, parents’ property, can be gone through by adults whenever and used by anyone
3. eventually when they get smart phones have all the restrictions, monitoring etc. But obviously comes a point where you have to give them their privacy, but in the years before that you work on the open lines of communication and trust between you all

That’s the plan at least 😄 re social media, wait until 8th is a good Instagram (ironic 😂) account to follow.

Hell no. It's added so much to all our lives.

No. Gaming helped my kid massively. Without being really boring, my kid is a mega bright geeky/cool type and they learned an incredible amount about all sorts, especially history. She's studying The Classics now, after 5 years of professional work and attributes most of her knowledge to gaming. I couldn't believe it at first but when I played the game she came to life and understood ancient history. It doesn't come from me, she's bright and probably ADHD but it all makes sense now. The visual, metacognition presenting of learning with a dopamine hit/reward is very motivating. Wish I'd understood it more. Wish it was a thing when I grew up.

Alternative perspective here - we never had any gaming consoles in the house. The kids never asked for them, would play briefly at other people's houses, but just didn't seem to be interested. They had smart phones and did a bit of gaming on them, but all stayed busy with school and extra-curricular activities. They are all in their twenties now, never once have they expressed any regret about not having games in their life.

@PerspiringElizabeth My experience so far is YouTube is the worst and it is now banned in our house. Far worse effects than gaming.

Nope. I have to admit I'm very relaxed about gaming. I don't have limits. To me that sounds a little arbitrary. However, I look at the big picture. I ensure they get fresh air and exercise each day, spend time in nature, eat well, spend time with friends and family etc. It's all about balance. I wouldn't want a child who only gamed but as long as they're living healthy, fulfilling lives then I'm not going to sit there with a timer when they go on the Nintendo. Gaming is fun, it's a way for them to unwind. If I feel they've been on it too long then I'll take them to the park, or suggest a family board game or something.