Struggling to leave the house with a newborn - maternity leave

[rosiebutterfly]

Hi all my baby turned 4 weeks old today I’m on maternity leave and my husband works full time so I’m looking after her most of the time.
is not really getting time to leave the house normal? I’ve barely left the house the last four weeks because I honestly do not get time, she is constantly crying and a bit of a greedy baby and needs feeding around every 90 minutes, I find myself just feeding her changing her soothing her on repeat all day- the reason for my post is because of this, I am not doing anything and feel guilty for it, I am not really moving or being active at all or even getting dressed some days, most days to be honest.
I try to get her outside a few times a week with our dog when my husband walks the dog but other than that I just don’t move to the point where my legs ache from being sedentary.
is anyone going through the same?
I am also so tired as again she wakes every 2 hours and takes so long to settle even after a feed so perhaps it’s exhaustion aswell.
I did have a bad birth and lost a lot of blood and in turn I had to have blood transfusions and iron transfusions so maybe it is my blood levels and recovery too, just feeling like a bit of a slob and wanted to hear from others in a similar situation so I know I’m not going insane :-(

Totally normal. When you feel
ready/want to leave more get your partner to have the baby for even just 20/30mins before he goes to work, means you can have a shower, Chuck some clothes on, pack the baby bag and eat something (even a cereal bar) then you’re ready to go if/when you can.

Also, don’t feel like you need to be doing baby classes at this age, just a walk to a shop/cafe etc will be really stimulating for a baby, mine bloody loved ikea, especially the lighting section 😂

It's totally up to you OP and how you feel comfortable.
I couldn't stand being in the house when my daughter was a newborn because it was during a heat wave and it was cooler being out and about.
Being in the house a lot brought my mood down. I found my daughter was settled in the pram as she loved motion and I found even just a slow walk around the block or to get a coffee done me the world of good.

Other friends who have had babies were happy to just have a few weeks in the house and thought I was crackers 🤣

Everyone's personality is different.

I had to get out every day otherwise I would have gone mad . My advice is to have a shower and get dressed every morning. It just rejuvenated me and made me feel human . It can be done in 5 mins and I just left shower door open and baby in bouncer,car seat or pram whatever was handy.

Yes it's normal and bloody hard work but i would really recommend getting out for a walk every day if you feel up to it.

I had a blood transfusion and iron level issues with my 10 month old, spent 5 days in hospital and Iv got a 3 year old too and I really made myself get out and about. My daughter was bottle fed every 4 hours like clockwork though so that helped me be able to get out.

In some cultures, the new mother stays in bed with the baby for a month or so, and other people look after her, bringing her food and drinks so she can just focus on feeding the baby and resting. The first few weeks are really hard, especially for first time mums who don’t know what to expect.
You are managing by yourself and no one is looking after you, bringing you snacks and drinks, taking the baby for a bit.
Of course you are tired, that is normal.
Is there someone who can come and help a bit? Can DH give you some time in the morning before work so you can get washed and dressed?
You’ll find a rhythm soon enough, it will get easier. Breastfed babies can sometimes feed for hours and hours at a time, it is exhausting. Make sure you are drinking vans eating enough, too.

90 minutes is not that often tbh. A lot of babies inc my first feed hourly for months

Get out anyway, esp if she's crying or fussy. Pop her in a carrier and go out walking - it'll very likely calm her down a lot. And is so good for your aching legs and mental health! Even half an hour will make a difference 🙂 tho tbh I learned to feed in a carrier and headphones on with a podcast and I walked for hours. Drove to lots of country places and has lovely days out

Completely normal!! Don't feel guilt, this is one of those rare opportunities in life where you and bub can relax and lay about and not worry about a clean house, tidying up, cooking, the hassle of getting out and about with a young baby. Once bub settles more into feeds and can go longer between feeds you'll find it easier. Congrats on your baby 🩷

I found my biggest stumbling block was socks! I would get to the point where I was ready to go, baby on the cusp of sleep:..but by the time I had faffed around putting baby down, going up for socks, putting shoes on that window had gone. So yes to getting dressed in the morning, including socks! Or easy slip on sandals by the door now it’s summer. as everyone else has already said - totally normal. Enjoy your baby!

This is very normal!!!
Make sure dp helps at the weekend thoigh so you can shower and get out even to local park you need sunlight

I’m now 20 months in and it gets easier but
i can remember how this felt.
packing the bag and checking it twice and actually leaving the house felt like a marathon and always worrying about forgetting something!! It’s hard work but once you do it and get there you’ll realise it’s quite easy if you remember everything! Also plan visits close to home at first. Something I like a nip to a shop or park for a walk. Start little end up bigger.

You'll find your groove! It takes time in the early days but the more you try getting out the easier it will become.

Self-care is so important, especially in the early days and eve more so after a traumatic birth and blood losses you describe. Can you shower before you go to bed then in the morning you just need to brush teeth hair and throw clothes on? Or during the day, take baby to bathroom with you and plonk in bouncy chair or on changing mat on the floor while you shower. Time it for after a feed and baby will probably fall asleep while you take care of you.

Next, getting out. Have a changing bag ready and whatever you need for yourself. Feed baby, change baby nappy, plonk in pram or carrier then go straight out don't stop and think! Baby will probably fall asleep quite quick once you get moving. As others say, start small - a stroll to the postbox/cornershop then build up. Coffee shops are a good place to walk to - if baby wakes feed and change them there them carry on with your walk.

My baby is nearly 4 weeks old and I've been mostly housebound too. I couldn't really walk properly until I was around 2 1/2 week post partum. It has also been raining heavily here almost everyday. I'm usually a very active person! However, I always shower and get dressed everyday.

Very normal at this stage, you won’t have found your own routine yet and you’re still recovering. I did really find that once I was able to it really did help if I went for a walk every day with a podcast in, usually at the time of his lunch time nap. Even if it was raining I used to just put my earphones in and off I’d go. The lady that takes my baby class said to do it and says that babies find rain on the rain cover soothing so just keep walking and they’ll fall asleep. When you’re so exhausted and have nothing to get dressed for I found it can just be easier to stay in your pyjamas as it takes so much of your time just to look them out something to wear and by the time you’ve got that on you really can’t face trying to have a shower or finding something for you that might need ironed etc. I decided to stop even attempting having a shower in the day time and would only go at night when my husband was there so I could properly switch off. I would sit out some piles of easy clothes to put on, including underwear and socks. It just cuts out yet another job you need to do while baby is getting impatient. Then try to get them on, even if its just comfy clothes, whenever you’re up for the day. It really helped and made it feel much more achievable to be able to get out a walk. Once you’ve managed this you can build up from there and try a class or group in the next couple of months but don’t go rushing out to those things, a walk or to meet a friend for coffee is all you need at the start

I think this is totally normal. I remember first getting used to using a sling and being able to walk to the shop and feeling like a huge weight had lifted. Fresh air is very important for me for my mental health.

Babies normally cry when you put them I a sling, probably because you have to shove them around a bit, but if you bounce for a whole they calm and like it, and probably go to sleep. Then you can take a walk and feel like you have some autonomy again.

If baby is crying a lot, especially after feeds it may be silent reflux? Mine had this and was medicated but the sling was also the best way to transport him because he needed to be kept upright.

Please don’t feel guilty. You are looking after your baby which is the most important thing in the world right now, with looking after yourself a close second. Take all the time in the world to just sit and rest while you can (I’ve never personally been able to sleep while the baby sleeps, but try to rest instead of you can’t). Enjoy all the newborn snuggles, it won’t be long before this phase is over and they need more entertaining, so honestly do just try to take it easy.

As and when it does come to you wanting to get out the house more, the key is to be organised. Make sure the changing bag is packed before you go out, load the pushchair into the car ready (this could be done the evening before while your DP has baby if you have a DP). Restock the changing bag as soon as you can when you get in. If it gets stressful while you’re out, remember you can always come back home. No-one will be judging you if your baby cries - it’s what babies do.

Try to get ready while baby has their first nap of the day, or pop them in their bouncer if awake. You can even just leave them in their crib, a few minutes of them getting upset won’t harm them while you take the time to get sorted (I’ve learnt this lesson quickly the second time around when sometimes there is no choice but to leave them to cry while I deal with my older DC). Also I will again often shower and wash my hair the night before while DP has baby, that way it’s one less thing to do the next morning. This is only for when you want to leave the house/ get ready, if you want to stay in PJs all day that is absolutely fine, there is no better time in your life to be having PJ days.

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job so far, keep going, it will soon get easier.

If you're breastfeeding trying and get out to a support group just to check her latch. Every 90 mins could be normal but it's possible she's not latching effectively enough so she gets hungry quicker.

This all sounds like you're in a normal phase for 4 weeks in with first baby. Take it easy on yourself, maybe try a v short walk round the block or to the local shop, just to get some air and get your confidence up.

You’ve hit the nail on the head, you’re still learning, getting into your own rhythm and it does take time.
Your birth sounds the same as mine with blood and iron transfusions and it really does knock the wind out your sails for a few weeks. But it’s such early days yet if babs is only 4 weeks, I know it’s easier said then done but please don’t stress and do what you need to to get through the day. Lean on family and external help (if you have it).
My MIL put things into perspective for me and said you’re on maternity leave not annual leave and it’s to bond with your baby and it was like an epiphany.

Your baby is only 4 weeks so still very early. There's plenty of time to go for walks/baby groups etc. One thing I found helpful in terms of getting out is my husband would have the baby for an hour or two in the morning before going to work. I would then have time to myself to sleep in a little, get dressed, have breakfast etc then I was ready for the day. Otherwise it was chaos! Also, I would sometimes go a walk with the baby in the evening from say 6-7pm as this was peak crying time! Doesn't have to be in the middle of the day.

I didn't leave the house for like 7 weeks! I was in shock 😂
I started with a walk for around half an hour, and it made such a difference to my mood and day.
I then started going on an afternoon also.
Started going to the shops, coffee shops etc.
I built it up over time.

It does get easier to manage, your in the depths of newborn atm, enjoy the cuddles and slow pace in the house.

Some more advice.....ignore Instagram!!

Completely normal. Agree with what many others have said. Partner didn’t take paternity leave so I was alone with a newborn & it was hard. Once up, even before I showered, I dressed, put baby in pram & went a walk. Looking back now, I must’ve looked a mess but it helped me greatly. The birth was tricky & recovery was hard but the fresh air & just being out the house helped me so much.

With my 2nd I’d an almost 2yr old to take to various activities so I’d little choice but to hit the ground running - my finest moment was locking myself & kids out of the house & having to smash a window to get back in. 10minutes prior to the window smashing I was thinking I’d got my shit together quite well that morning!

My midwife encouraged me to get out even for a few mins a day. As soon as I could walk I did this. Baby fed very often too. She really liked the pram to help nap, also liked the carrier which soothed her.
Even just going to family’s house for a cup of tea to get out and have a break with someone else trying to hold her.
By week 8, things were much better

Completely normal, carry on and well done.

Have you tried her in a sling? Have a Google and see if there's a sling library near you. You can go and see a consultant and they'll fit you properly for one that's comfy for you both. You can usually hire them fairly cheaply too (£15 a month where I am). Getting out in those early weeks with my lad saved my mental health and got me fit too. He also slept so well in the sling (for hours at a time). I'd stick some headphones on, listen to a podcast and go for a walk. It'll definitely help you feel a bit better ☺️ having said that 4 weeks is still so early on so don't put pressure on yourself x