Scared I'm not doing enough - newborn

[BrokenBasement]

My DD is coming up to 8 weeks. She's still very much a cluster feeder, often feeding every hour. She doesn't sleep much. She suffers with wind and reflux so doesn't like to be put down. All I'm doing is feeding, changing, holding her up after feeds and winding her. I thought it was meant to get easier by 6 weeks but it really hasn't.

I'm not finding the time to do tummy time, or read books, or any other developmental stuff I want to do and it's making me so unbelievably sad. I feel like I'm failing her. I'm spending most of my time feeding and winding in front of the TV. Please tell me I'm not a terrible mother 🙁

You’re doing fine. Plenty of time for books to come, and every new experience is a sensory rollercoaster for her

Feeding, changing, holding and winding takes up most of the time at that young age! Give yourself a break. The early weeks can be relentless. Months and years to look forward to when you can enjoy all sorts of enriching experiences with your child. For now cuddle that tiny baby. You’re doing great.

Don't worry about any of that other stuff right now

At 8 weeks if all she wants is to be held by you and you're feeding and changing her, you're doing absolutely everything you should be!

Focus on you. If you get the bus to a cafe, she'll find that mind blowing. If you go to baby cinema, she'll think the sounds are incredible. If you meet a friend for a coffee, the lights in the cafe will be mesmerising. If you sit out in the garden, waving tree branches will be fascinating. Plenty of time to do enriching things for baby when she's capable for absorbing it. For now, lots of cuddles with you and accompanying you wherever you go is all she needs.

Both my children spent their early months being fed while I watched trash TV. Cuddling your baby helps their brain develop, so just do that!
You are doing a good job. Motherhood is one long guilt fest- try not to give into those feelings.

See this is what makes me sad 😢 she's feeding all the time and then needs holding upright for 30 minutes at least, by which point it's almost time to feed again, so we barely go out. I'm depriving her of all these new experiences but it's just so difficult to get her out the door. I tried taking her on a nice walk yesterday but she screamed to be fed the whole time even though she'd fed not long ago. It's so tough and I feel so guilty

For me it was crazy difficult for the first 6-8 months. I felt like I couldn't go anywhere, didn't get tummy time done, didn't get anything done. I was so sleep starved I cannot recall most of things from that time. Looking back at it now I wish I had been more relaxed, just live it day by day and not to feel bad that nothing was getting done. Just go with the flow and everything will work out fine.

Honestly OP your baby is not missing out. Baby doesn’t need anything but you at this stage. The things @escapingthecity mentioned I’m sure she meant further down the line, not at 8 weeks. I promise you. You have years ahead for development. This time is about bonding / closeness and just getting through it. You are doing great x

My dd was a wild child as a newborn. Couldn’t be put down. Only wanted to be on the boob. She’s now eight months and a delight. If I could go back I wish I could have just let myself enjoy the three months sat on the sofa with her on my boob. I was meeting her needs and that’s the most important thing. You are doing so well - just keep doing what you are doing and what your baby needs now. Ps I found a big improvement for us was at four months. Every baby is different and it may be helpful to forget the six week marker or other markers you have in your mind. Hope this helps x

Your baby is learning and developing by everything you're doing already. Those early weeks are tough and you are responding to baby's needs. That's what research says is needed for happy and healthy babies.

This document from UNICEF might put your mind at ease (see page 7 on why just looking at your face is the best way for babies to learn) www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=cypf.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/media/168483/happy-baby-leaflet.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiX3sWlgK2AAxUQTkEAHePBDKQQFnoECCwQAQ&usg=AOvVaw158LqW-fGmqDE5i6hlwYld

Books and toys can all wait plus tummy time doesn't have to be on the floor - it's about neck control so you're probably already doing that on your chest while you hold baby.

You're doing really well

You’re doing fine. Life is overwhelming at this stage, you don’t need to do extras. With my second I didn’t bathe him until he was 5 weeks and I barely spoke to him. I just focused on my older toddler. I honestly forget the smaller one exists.

Us oldies never did tummy time with our dc. I can assure you my dc and prob a vast number of other's dc never went to school with lolling heads.... As long as you and dc are fed, clothed and clean you are doing fab op.
And what is daytime TV for if not for new dm's?

Sounds a bit like my first few months with DD. She's 9months now and into everything and hitting her milestones. We finally managed to start going out at around 3 months.
You're doing fine, all she needs at this age is milk and cuddles. Being held and hearing your voice is helping her development. The other stuff will come later when she's ready.

I swear if DD develops a passion for yachting when she grows up it will be due to the hours we've spent watching Below Deck while feeding!

Ahh please don’t worry. Your baby is 8 weeks old they literally only know how to cry when they are hungry/ hot/ cold etc. They won’t have a clue you are taking them on the bus or reading to them. There are thousands of second, third, fourth children out there who just get bundled up and have to do whatever the older children are doing. My second baby spent his entire first 6 months of life in a sling, he’s fine! If I only had one I would be lying on the sofa all day in my pants feeding baby and eating Lindor. You don’t need to give yourself such a hard time. X

Holding her upright can be a form of tummy time! If you’re tummy to tummy and she’s holding her head up. Mine had terrible reflux. Absolutely awful. But she developed a really strong core and as a result she stood up unaided months earlier than average and walked early too. It was only when she spent nearly all her time upright that she stopped vomiting. My paediatrician told me she thought that reflux babies often had an innate need to be upright and that was the case with mine.

baby will have plenty of stimulation from looking at your face, and later, when they’re sat on your lap they can look at books and things. Don’t worry, don’t compare what others are doing.

Have you tilted baby’s cot / looked at wedges to go under their mattress? Wedgehog is a great brand and they do them for Moses baskets/prams, next to me cots, larger cots. I even had one for our changing mat and her playgym. Have a chat with your health visitor first though as I can’t remember the age I introduced ours for sleeping.

You're doing an amazing job! Please don't doubt yourself. X

Sorry not clear. She hardly did any tummy time but as she could never be put down on her back she lay on me with head raised and did tummy time that way!

Sounds like you’re doing precisely what your baby needs!

You're doing just fine. She's fed, she's winded and she's with you. Don't beat yourself up about anything else, you need to take care of yourself also though, have you got anyone to help out a bit and make sure you get some sleep?

Am also too old to have done tummy time. We did lots of cuddling and i was lucky enough to have other people to issue cuddles as well. By the time I was on the third it was all just a matter of survival. Too much pressure on mums to be perfect now and so grateful not to have had that.
(My thing was the midwife friend who insisted that my eldest wouldn't ever walk if i didn't use a baby walker. I didn't, and he not only learned to walk but became a keen mountain climber)
You are doing fine 💐

I felt like this at your stage, my baby is now 16 weeks and it has got so much better. Hang in there, you’re doing an amazing job. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do all these things that we hear about everywhere, everything will come with time.

See this is what makes me sad 😢 she's feeding all the time and then needs holding upright for 30 minutes at least, by which point it's almost time to feed again, so we barely go out. I'm depriving her of all these new experiences but it's just so difficult to get her out the door. I tried taking her on a nice walk yesterday but she screamed to be fed the whole time even though she'd fed not long ago. It's so tough and I feel so guilty

what your DD needs right now is exactly what you are doing with and for her. She needs your love, your touch, her milk, (and your help to digest her feeds as comfortably as possible) and your comfort. She doesn’t need anything more. You’re doing everything she needs and she’s getting everything she needs right now 💐.

Hi @BrokenBasement omg you are not a terrible mother. I haven't had the chance to read my baby a book and don't even go there with tummy time lol i didn't get a chance, i'm literally just feeding, changing, burping on repeat. You are doing enough, caring and loving your baby is more than enough xx

DD1 was like this. She was in fact on the early side for starting to crawl, starting to walk and starting to talk. So it didn't do her any harm.

At this age, your baby really doesn't need anything but you.

You are doing everything she needs right now. 8 weeks and feeling safe, comfortable and loved - perfect.