Scared I'm not doing enough - newborn

[BrokenBasement]

My DD is coming up to 8 weeks. She's still very much a cluster feeder, often feeding every hour. She doesn't sleep much. She suffers with wind and reflux so doesn't like to be put down. All I'm doing is feeding, changing, holding her up after feeds and winding her. I thought it was meant to get easier by 6 weeks but it really hasn't.

I'm not finding the time to do tummy time, or read books, or any other developmental stuff I want to do and it's making me so unbelievably sad. I feel like I'm failing her. I'm spending most of my time feeding and winding in front of the TV. Please tell me I'm not a terrible mother 🙁

You're doing a great job - meeting their needs. Hang in there.

She's so so tiny, she'll get there. Can you treat yourself to a different streaming subscription so you have new things to watch through all the feeding? Or borrow library books on your phone via BorrowBox and Libby? Audiobooks? All she needs is you, but you need a little more than her

You're doing brilliantly. There is plenty of time for the other stuff, don't feel any pressure.

You're doing so well OP! At this stage it's just about meeting her basic needs. Plenty of time in the coming months when things aren't quite so all-consuming to be out doing things with her.

All of these responses have brought tears to my eyes. Can't tell you how much each one means. I'll enjoy our time together just feeding and cuddling on the sofa ❤️

Seriously, don't put pressure on yourself. She just needs you. All the other stuff can come later

She's tiny. Give yourself a break! Tummy time counts if you hold her on your chest and reading books can come later when she's more alert.

Enjoy her ❤️ every child is so different.

my second was horrific every time I attempted to put him
horizontal. He would scream. Vomit, and then scream again.

I gave up. We spent months on the sofa feeding & holding him up to sleep. When I needed to take my elder son to nursery/the park etc I popped the vomit grouch in the sling/then a baby carrier once bigger. Which he liked as it was upright.

hes 3.5 now and it all seems a distant memory. Don’t beat yourself up, you are doing everything she needs.

Are your feeds taking forever? Have you tried moving up to the next teet flow? It really sped things up for my DD, and she was able to get more food inside her before dozing off.

You’re doing absolutely fine. All babies need at that age is love, food and sleep. There is plenty of time for books and tree branches and bloody cinemas or whatever the pp was on about 🙄

My eldest was exactly the same. She had terrible reflux and wind. She had to be held up right 30 minutes after food. She had a 2 hour cycle. I would change her nappy, fed her, wind her, she'd vomit everywhere and need changing. Then I'd hold her up for half an hour. I might have 30 minutes before the next wake up to tidy or get a drunk. It was relentless.

Has the GP give you anything for the baby?

I found wearing the baby in a baby carrier really freeing. She would go in her pram because she couldn't lay flat but was happy in the carrier. I also elevated her cot at the head end, swaddled her and played white noise. This help her sleep more comfortably. My SIL took her baby for cranial osteopathy which she reckons was brilliant and made a huge difference.

It does get better. My daughter was a different child once I started weening. I know that seems like a lifetime away. It's so exhausting at the time but you will get there.

Your doing a great job. Ask for help if you need a break. We all need a break and to recharge sometime. I wish I'd asked for a break more often.

8 weeks! All they do is eat. At least mine did. They are now strong and clever teenagers with excellent core muscles. But at 8 weeks they were not doing tummy time or listening to stories. They were eating and yelling and yelling and eating and being cuddled and occasionally sleeping.

I promise you, you are doing enough.

I wrote almost exactly the same post as this when my DC was newborn - I always felt particularly rubbish on the days that I was still in PJs at 3pm - he would only contact nap and I just felt like I was constantly failing him and doing things I thought I should be doing.

Even six months ago I felt bad as I was struggling to find time to read to him - he genuinely didn’t have much interest. He’s just turned two and honestly, all the times I felt like I failed don’t matter anymore. He’s got so much personality and you’d never know that we didn’t do much tummy time!

there’s so much pressure on us that you should be doing everything but for every insta-mum doing all the “right” things, making all their food from scratch, having the picture perfect nursery - I can assure you that there are thousands that aren’t.

Don't let the pressure society puts on mothers these days to be doing all these extra things that weren't done back when being a mum was much easier..get to you. She's fed, she's winded, she's changed, she's loved and cared for by her mummy and she's only 8 weeks old.

I would say it gets easier around 3-4 months because they can go in a walker and will start to hold toys and shake them.
There's no need for books at this age and tummy time is great but I never did tummy time with any of mine because they'd just scream the house down and they were all early walkers (between 9-11 months) .
I didn't bother with books until they took an active interest around 6 months.

Back in the 50's babies were swaddled all day and ignored, only picked up for feeds. That's how it was done. They all thrived. In fact there'a an interesting documentary called babies and it's about babies from all different cultures around the world. The Eskimo babies are swaddled for a whole year and they walked at the same age as the babies in Africa who aren't swaddled.
Honestly don't stress about these things it'll only make it harder then it needs to be.

I joined a baby massage class when DS was 4 months. I spent most of it either feeding him, him puking as he's just had a feed or changing him from a poonami. Honestly you are doing a fine job Mama, these early months you just need to feed, hold and change until their tiny stomachs can grow enough to go longer between feeds and tolerate the gas and filling up process better. Then you can do other stuff.

Don't worry about the tummy time and the books, there's plenty of time for that. All she needs right now is cuddles with her mammy.

It really doesn’t matter. Clean, fed, loved….

Forgot to say, tummy time hadn’t even been invented when mine were babies. I remember them having a few bath books and some picture books from about 8 months ish. They grew up to be curious, pretty intelligent and can all hold their heads up through an entire day at work, despite the absence of books and tummy time. We shouldn’t feel this pressure to do all this extra stuff when they’re virtually just out the womb. It’s not needed and just makes us feel rubbish if ours are just getting on with being a tiny baby and we are just getting on with providing what they actually need most .

Please, please just give yourself permission to enjoy this time. I look back on her newborn days which were packed full of Real Housewives and Below Deck as absolute glory days. The peak of my existence. Keeping a baby alive, watching people bicker on a boat. The best.

All your baby needs and wants is milk and cuddles. You're doing perfectly.

And congratulations!

All she wants to do is be fed and cuddled at her age and sleep! Don't worry!!!

Also when you hold her up after feeding that counts as tummy time

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