50/50 custody

[MumToTedd]

I’m 13 weeks pregnant and split with the father. He’s told me he wants 50/50 custody from birth and if I don’t agree he’ll take me to court, will he be given it? We had planned to breastfeed but will a court make me formula feed so he can have the baby half the time?

He works 4 nights one week and 3 nights the next and has said he wants the baby every single night off he has as he thinks that’s ‘fair’ but if it doesn’t align with my time off then I’ll be losing out on more than him?

anyone have any experience or advice please?

My ex of 4 years all of a sudden wants 50/50 custody.
Our son is only 6 and while he says it’s what he wants when his dad asks him, he doesn’t ask me for more time with his dad, he’s very happy and settled right now. We trialled 50/50for a period and our son became increasingly tired and irritable and stressed and his behaviour changed completely, so we stopped the full weeks and went back to 5 nights every other week with his dad.
I truly do want what’s best for my child but having trialled this for a period don’t believe it is what is best for him after seeing his behaviour change. I told him we’d try again next year when he goes to middle school.

Ex is now threatening taking me to court and has told me he’s sought legal advice.

in the early days after the split he couldn’t cope at times because of his mental health. He would let him down last minute. He smokes a lot of cannabis, has had gambling problems and has been banned from driving twice for driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Whenever he doesn’t get his way he hurls no end of abuse at me, calling me vile names and threatening to turn up at my door to argue with me and is very aggressive.
I have another child now who is 5 months old who’s father isn’t around, so the threats are obviously upsetting when I have such a young baby at home alone.

I’ve always been the one to organise every aspect of our sons life .. school pick ups and drop offs, doctors , dentist appointments, after school activities, friends birthday parties etc.
All of a sudden now he’s ready to take it on he expects me to just agree. Even tho we trialled it and in my opinion it wasn’t in the best interest of our son, he’s just very angry when he doesn’t get his own way and is now threatening legal action because he hasn’t got what he wants. He doesn’t do his school reading with him and never keeps up to date with what’s going on at school. I always have to remind him everything.
I’ve recently stopped reminding him of stuff and he now tells me I’ve pushed him out. Trying to make him see how reasonable I’ve been and how much I try to include him. I always invite him to days out and let him swap or take him extra if there is family get togethers or birthdays on his side.

do I stand any sort of chance in court to keep the agreement as it it?

Don’t put him on the birth certificate he’ll have no rights

What age did overnights start?

Don't put him on the birth certificate. Offer him to come to you to see baby initially, baby shouldn't leave mum for first few months at least, even if not breastfeeding. He'll have to find his own way there.

Let him take you to court (he probably won't), they'll agree a newborn should be with mum. And no, you won't have to drive them, if he wants them he'd need to collect them / you'll need to come to an agreement on fuel etc. be clear though that you'll be happy with 50/50 when baby is older (school age would usually be appropriate for this to start). you can't just do it around his shift work though.

Put your baby first and think about what's best for them.

Still a long way to go, don't stress about it, be confident you'll have baby yourself for first few months, speak to your midwife about your concerns.

Not a chance a court would order 50/50 for a newborn. The baby needs Mum 24/7 at this stage to bond and to establish breastfeeding. Contact with father for a newborn will be only with the mother present. Maybe a quick walk between feeds after a relationship is established. No overnights until well after one year.

Is be tempted to say yes, fine.

I suspect he's saying this because of child maintenance or some view on what's "fair" to him.

Then when the child is born you can let him take you to court.

No judge is going to force a newborn to do overnights.

I have a newborn that is almost 4 weeks old and I also breastfeed. The father isnt on the birth certificate and we both are in our last year of highschool. He only sees the newborn once a week because of school. He says now that he is going to file for 50/50 custody but then also wants to go away for college. Will the court allow this? Should I be worried?

You'd be better off starting your own thread. If you go to the top next to follow thread there's a button with a pen and you can click on to make your own thread. If he moves away then any problems then he might get something on weekends or school holidays if he's home, but that's it. Babies little and often is what's usually done and building up slowly over time. If you offer him something more working on that process, like an hour after school twice a week and he doesn't take it up that would look bad for him and if he takes you up on it you can show you're working on building that relationship in the a way that is within the best interests of your child.

Hi no I wouldn’t worry focus on looking after your baby and leave him to it sounds like he’s too busy for 50 50 with collage the courts wouldn’t accept that as having time to care for a baby too, a very small baby he should have a bit more sense and not be putting stress on a new mum! But don’t worry that wouldn’t be the right solution for your baby at this point and he probably won’t even go through with it is very expensive going through courts so offer reasonable contact which suits you both as he is the baby’s father but not being on the birth certificate is a problem for him really look after yourself I’ve been where you are and it’s very difficult worrying about not being with your baby but my worries were also unnecessary as I was never taken to court x