If you had a fussy/high-needs/high-crying baby...

[usydb]

... when did they/it get easier?

Mine's 23 - still waiting 😜

7 months. Turned a corner. I hated my life before then- exhausted, aching, screaming baby who just wanted to be held and to feed . Did use a sleep coach (no controlled crying but establishing a sleep pattern and no night time feeding). Think she had terrible undiagnosed reflux. But after 6-7 months so much better and from a year on it’s been brilliant. Good luck.

7 and a half (years)!! My DD was a very difficult baby, toddler and young child! I tried cranial osteopathy when she was a baby because she seemed so different from my NCT group's babies - she just never settled and cried for hours and hours.

She was a very demanding, spirited toddler and I was actually a bit scared of her (despite previously holding a senior role in a FTSE top 20 company where I was very good at dealing with CEO tantrums!!)

I asked for help everywhere - doctors, health visitor and eventually school. Got nowhere. When she was 7, I came across a specialist counselling programme for children at my local university. It worked miracles and she was like a different child. I don't think it would have worked before as I had read 7 was the age a child learns to negotiate.

If this all sounds awful - the good news is, she is now 11 and is the kindest, funniest, most loving girl I've ever known. We are so close and I'm hoping she won't be a difficult teenager as she got it all out of her system when she was little!

Hang in there - it gets better!

Mine was awful until he was about two and a half. The screaming and constant sickie reflux stopped at 12 months (like clockwork actually) but he was an attention seeking horror until he was about two and a half then it all just stopped. No more tantrums. No more refusing to eat/brush teeth. No more refusing to let me get him dressed in the morning. It coincided with him getting some two-word sentences and I think a lot of his behaviour (massive speech delay) was down to the fact he couldn't understand us or make himself understood very well.

I'm not saying he doesn't have some additional needs (he does) but these are minor and none of them are noisy/violent/wrecking people's stuff sort of needs, so while I suspect ADHD (I have it too), I am not concerned about how he is going to progress in school/socially, and even though he's an August baby I'm putting him into school with his correct year group as the consensus between HV, nursery and me is that he's going to be fine (in fact he's super advanced when it comes to numbers, he can count up to 76, do addition, and knows my full mobile number with almost no input from me).

So it took a while to get better but I guess my message is it has turned out ok and he is the most adorable preschooler now.

Mine turned out to be asd but significantly improved around 4.

Sleep got better once weaning and sitting up happened at 6 months. She was pretty intense and very clingy as a toddler but manageable as long as we stuck closely to a routine. Any change to that and we were back to overtired and overstimulated screaming.

Still had trouble with noisy assemblies at primary school and never a big fan of crossed, noisy places but by secondary had learnt to manage and find time / space for the quiet she needed to decompress.

I think it was mostly reflux, but also some sensory issues which maturing helped with. She’s turned out very academic, and having something to keep her brain working in a positive way (rather than spinning her wheels and winding herself up) is as important now as having a plan (she still likes a routine!).

When he started school.
He's still very clingy to me and can be very emotional stroppy but he's year 2 now and generally quite level and easy to placate

Toddler hood , once she could move around and follow me and be more independent. The sleeping didn't improve until she was 3, and the eating is still an issue now at 11, but the crying did stop. Now it has been replaced by the hormotional crying though.

Life got manageable when we did sleep training at 6 months (actual magic).

Even better when we stopped all night feeds at 9 months.

Still grumpy/ highly strung in the day until about 14 months, but progressively less and less.

When he was 18. He turned out to be autistic and hyperactive.

At 10 months I unintentionally did controlled crying ( I was actually too tired to even get out of bed and kept trying and failed and he stopped crying, the next two nights I did this and then he stopped waking up every fucking 20 minutes). That made life bearable. He was hard work in other ways too. Luckily he was and is also a delight in other ways, funny, playful, quirky, attentive and I love the bones off him. He has been quite hard work until he was about 12 though, violent, mood swings etc. He has been diagnosed recently as autistic which we knew from much younger. Anyway in reality it got easier month by month. We also went and had two more (planned) kids so it can't have been that bad 😁

Ds1- when he was able to move around independently at around 9 months. He was so cranky until then.

Ds2- when he got the right balance of reflux meds round about 5 months, which was also when he started eating proper food.

Both of mine were extremely high needs babies. Constant crying, non sleeping, complete rage filled babies. Dd1 mellowed out by 6-9 months, was so happy once she was mobile. Dd2 took a little longer but by the time she was one, she was a delight. And if it's any consolation, every high needs baby I've known (including my own) have turned into the easiest, most delightful toddlers and children. Dd1 never had a single "tantrum" and the terrible twos didn't exist for either of mine. They're now 9 & 6 and I've never had a cross word with either of them... They're that easy and laid back! You'll get there op x

It was a gradual process over time. Started improving at 6 months, then one year. She was still quite a handful though and a feisty toddler. But then became the calmest, most gentle and lovely child.

Mine is now 12 and definitely not autistic. Some babies are just very fussy and cry a lot.

I would say mine continuously improved (22 now). Very difficult baby, difficult toddler, unusually difficult / sensitive small boy, fairly average to manage by about 8 or 9, easier than average teen, lovely young man.

Unusual in a number of ways, NT but ploughs his own furrow with pride.

When we cut out dairy

My seven year old is exactly the same as he always was. Highly strung and prone to tantrums. I’ve accepted he will always be this way.

Just to add definitely not on the spectrum but I do think he is going to have a type A personality.

I had a very colicky, unhappy, cryey baby, who improved massively at 5 or so months. A big turning point was getting her out of the bassinet and into the front facing pram, which she preferred to an unbelievable extent. She turned into a happy, bubbly, generally easy going toddler... though she still has the capacity to cry the house down if she's unwell/upset etc. I can't believe how much easier she is as a toddler compared to an infant though! Hope the same happens to you

Yes some babies are just very fussy but I think it’s ok for those of us that had unsettled babies that now have ASD diagnosis to mention that. It doesn’t mean it will always be the case though.

8.5 months here (fairly recently) - youngest DD here has been very demanding from the beginning… when not asleep (not very often) or nursing (often), she was just grumpy and frustrated, moaning all the time. Like all day everywhere. People would ask about things we had done with her or whether I had been to any new groups and met people - (insert bitter laugh) so not possible with her. Nothing other than being at home, holding her or carrying her in a sling or sometimes wheeling her around. Just high needs really. Babysitting a total disaster, we didn’t bother then.

Anyway, I don’t know how and why, but one day she just woke up happy and stopped moaning - she will now happily play on her mat with her toys for most of her the day and has started sleeping through the night. I still can’t believe it. I don’t know what exactly happened, but I think she was just frustrated by something. And was always hungry. And is probably a bit more sensitive than her siblings.

You totally have my biggest sympathy - It can drive you absolutely bonkers and I felt so stuck. People will be like - oh that’s just babies and you wanted another one… high needs is just a different level of intensity.

For me now I have confirmation that my DD is autistic a lot about her behaviour as a toddler/ baby makes more sense. I kind of wished I’d trusted my instincts rather than everyone reassuring me that ‘some babies are just fussy.’ That’s just me though. FWIW it’s still hard but easier since my DD turned 4.

6 months was better
10 months (once she could move) was a LOT better
18 months was lovely (got pg again, having sworn never again!)
2-5 yrs was hard bloody work and sleep not reliable but still nothing like the young baby stage
5-10 has been easier but she’s still a high maintenance child (medical needs diagnosed at age 4) and always will be I suspect

He was pretty hideous until about 2 and then got slowly better. He's 12 now and fabulous, it will pass!