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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler never wants to go anywhere :(

33 replies

LoveYouHoneybear · 21/07/2023 16:50

2 year old DD puts up a huge fuss whenever we leave the house. Tears, screaming, needs to be carried to the car... and we are going to fun places like the playground and the beach! Once we are at these places, she is usually happy (and puts up a fuss when it's time to go home). But I am finding it so draining. Looking for reassurance that this will pass and also solidarity I suppose :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ifitsnotscientific · 21/07/2023 16:53

My youngest did this, even if she saw me touch her coat it triggered a full on meltdown. She was diagnosed with autism at 2 it’s been really difficult (not saying your dd has autism though so don’t worry I’m just sympathetic to the problem !)

Followwill · 21/07/2023 16:55

My eldest was like this. Is 10 now and diagnosed as autistic.

We learned before he was diagnosed though that it worked best to get him into a routine. So we would get teeth brushed, get dressed and then go out in the morning etc. If it was out of the routine, we started giving 5 minute warnings from about 30 mins before we needed to leave. So he knew it was coming.

To be fair at 2, you can still pick them up and carry them into the buggy or car seat even if they're having a strop.

FloweryName · 21/07/2023 16:56

It’s highly likely that it will pass. A toddler isn’t thinking about the end goal of the beach or the playground because they are still learning that doing this mildly horrible thing now means something good will come later as a direct result. She probably just doesn’t want to get in her car seat, which is understandable really.

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Cindertoffe · 21/07/2023 16:59

i have four children and one of them was like this as a toddler, she was then diagnosed as autistic.
im not saying that’s what it is but what I will say is that it can often be missed in girls so worth being aware of the signs to get any extra help or support she might need.
It wasn’t obvious to me at age 2, in terms of development she was a quick walker and very bright. But didn’t like loud noises. Otherwise seemed entirely normal to me at that point until we started to pick up on other things as she started school. She struggles particularly with transitions, leaving anywhere really. It does get easier as they get bigger.

LawnmowerBlues · 21/07/2023 17:01

Maybe she is just absorbed in what she's doing at home (even if it doesn't look like much) and doesn't like to be disrupted. Imagine if you were happily pottering and a big person came in and told you to get your coat on and get into the car 😄

That's not to say that you should stop the outings, but think about looking into techniques to manage transitions from one activity to another.

GiveHerEffervescence · 21/07/2023 17:08

My son did this. He’s not autistic. He just liked playing with his toys at home.

Beamur · 21/07/2023 17:11

Some kids really struggle with transitions.
I used to tell DD in advance, but not too far in advance what we were doing. Then signpost it - so after this we're going shopping and then to the park..she didn't and still doesn't like changes or surprises with her schedule.

Blathermoa · 21/07/2023 17:19

My son isn't autistic but was very like this as a toddler. We found visual aids to getting ready really helpful, basically pictures of eg putting on shoes, finding our coat, getting in the car etc and then the nice outcome of going to the beach. I think all the steps to getting out of the house can feel huge to a toddler- I sympathise with them tbh! Its similar (or the same, but I'm not an expert at all) to the Social Stories used with autistic children.

Cuwins · 21/07/2023 17:27

Would a timer help?
So a sand timer and 'when the sand all goes we are going in the car' or a noisy one 'when the buzzer goes it's time to go in the car'?
Or a closed choice: it's time for car- would you like to take this teddy or this one in the car? Or wear these shoes or these ones etc.
gives her some control over the situation but leaves the option of going out non negotiable

Cuwins · 21/07/2023 17:28

I also find with my daughter that very simple language helps: 'now car, next park'

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 21/07/2023 18:35

Yes we had this lasted about 8 weeks and was so draining. We went on holiday then and she just stopped doing it over night! X

Original poster

LoveYouHoneybear · 21/07/2023 20:54

Thank you for all your responses! Not sure if she is autistic, my hunch is that she isn't but I will keep my eyes out for other signs. This morning she went to the beach no problem and was an absolute delight there! So let's hope this is a trend 🤞

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TinyTeacher · 21/07/2023 21:01

Is it the car? Or all transitions? How is she if it's a walk/trip in buggy?

wherehastheyeargone · 21/07/2023 21:06

My son used to be like this. We found it really useful to show him pictures of where we were going - so a pic of the actual park / beach Soft play. He has delayed communication so this worked a treat. Now, he understands what these places are it's much easier.

Noicant · 21/07/2023 21:09

DD was similar, NT, what worked was telling her what we were going to do for that day and then using a timer and giving notice. A lot of small kids struggle with transition

Original poster

LoveYouHoneybear · 21/07/2023 22:23

@TinyTeacher it's the car! She loves going for walks and going in the buggy. Once we are in the car she is usually fine... it's just getting from the house to the car that is a world of pain.

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Sandcastles24 · 21/07/2023 22:35

Amother possoble option tbat is nothing to do with transitions,
Is she comfortable in the car seat or maybe she feels car sick?

h3ll0o · 22/07/2023 06:14

My 3.5 year old is like this. We’re a ND family, ADHD and autism my side, plus autism husbands side.

We looked at having my daughter assessed but was advised the medical community are finally noting the difference between an unwell autistic and a well rounded autistic. As such, a well-rounded autistic individual wouldn’t meet the criteria for having the medical condition e.g autism spectrum condition.

Sign that my daughter is ND include; hates having her hair washed, finds noise irritating when she’s tired, likes to play on her own terms although she will bend at nursery as she has a strong sense of right and wrong and doesn’t want to be seen as naughty. Additionally, although she comes across as chatty she ditches ‘friends’ when they talk too much, plus after two hours she’s ready for play dates to leave and needs a nap as she’s exhausted from the socialising

MissHoney85 · 22/07/2023 06:51

DD is 2.5 and can be a bit like this. I can empathise to be honest, I'm a home bird too! Some strategies that work for us:

plenty of warning time, e.g. "one more episode of X and then we're going to start getting ready"
empathising with her feelings but keeping it bright and breezy, and not getting into in depth negotiations / discussions about it (reminding myself that I'm the adult and I decide where we go and what we do)
giving her choice over something e.g. "do you want to wear your green shoes or your sparkly shoes?"
getting her to choose a toy or other transition item to take with her
if all else fails, bribing her with a snack to eat in the car!

headcheffer · 22/07/2023 07:03

I'd echo PP who mentioned transitions. They really struggle with moving from one activity to another at that age. I used to set a timer on my phone 5 mins before we were leaving and say when you hear my phone you can press the "stop" button and it's time to get out the bath / leave the house/ come eat etc.

DarkForces · 22/07/2023 07:16

I used to bribe dd with chocolate buttons - I'd keep a little pack in the car and ask if she wanted 1 or 2...a tantrum would mean 1, getting in the car calmly was 2. I'd give her 1 if she'd had a tantrum as it seemed crazy to risk another over a button.

A decade on and apart from terrifyingly good negotiating skills she appears unscathed

TheGirlWhoLived · 22/07/2023 07:21

Have you tried bribing her? I save up treats like packs of mini biscuits or mini haribo and say “oooh these sweets would be nice to eat in the car huh!” And then he trots in nicely, eats his sweets and forgets to have a tantrum.
stopping the tantrum before they’re in full flow is key. Ideally before it starts tbh

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 22/07/2023 07:24

If it only happens in the car, maybe she's uncomfortable in her car seat, or feels a bit car sick but doesn't know how to explain it to you.

I hated car journeys as a child as I felt horrendously sick.

RushinBushin · 09/10/2023 09:29

It may be the car. Oldest is on the spectrum and headphones/earmuffs for travel helped a lot. Also perhaps check if nausea is a problem.

Original poster

LoveYouHoneybear · 09/10/2023 17:09

Alas it was a phase! She's much better now. Thanks for all your help/support/and suggestions. Toddlers are challenging!

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