Child dads gets his parents/ family to watch him on his time

[Anonymous644778]

looking to see if this is unreasonable, Childs dad takes him 2 nights a week while I work so i drop so. off at 5pm on a Thursday and picked up on a Saturday about 2pm, but recently found out he barely sees son on his days he has him, he has his sister takes him the Friday or his parents so he really only sees him a couple hours the Thursday/Friday before bedtime and morning on the sat before I collect him, I have said to his parents that they shouldn’t be letting him pan his son off because he can’t be arsed or has the gym when he has all week to do that and should spend time with his son but they said it isn’t panning the child off as they are his grandparents , I was thinking of dropping his contact to one day a week and then offering his parents or sister if they want to see our son they can come to me and ask which I’d happily let them, is it unreasonable to do this?

It's not your business what he does on his time. Butt out.

Maybe not but isn’t fair on son that his dad can’t be arsed with him and is starting to notice

Not much you can do about it tbh, does he not see your side of the family during your time at all?

He does but we do a family day once a week with my dad which I go along to

Of course it's not fair, no one said it wasn't but it doesn't change the fact that he can do this on his contact time.
Your child will be old enough soon to decide if he is going to see dad or not.

Funny you didnt mention that in your first post.... If you dont want him to be able to comment and organise your own time with your son you cant do it to him.

Dad's time, dad's rules. He's seeing his dad and his paternal extended family. Not sure I see the issue? Why should the fathers family have to deal with you?

Reason i know this is happening as my son tells me, not being the bad mum here for wanting to reduce contact

What difference does it make whether his paternal relatives see him when dad has him or in your house? It's nice for your child to have these relatives willing to be there for him even if his DF can't be bothered.

Issue is that my son notices it and says about how he hardly sees his dad as he is constantly panning him off to other family members as he can’t be arsed and is to young at the moment for a court to take his word for it
I have no issue his family seeing him get on good with them

I don’t mean in my house they can do what they want take him out ect, just don’t see why it’s his time but he doesn’t really want it as constantly asking others to watch him on his time

Maybe explain to your son it's important to see hos grandparents and aunts etc too. You can certainly discuss with your ex that your son has mentioned these things to you and could he perhaps look at his schedule so it doesn't happen so often. I'm bamboozled why you spoke to the grandparents though who obviously love seeing their grandson. If your son is going at 5pm on a Thursday and back early on a Saturday, he actually doesn't really have time to see his dad much.

I have spoken to son about and and his dad and that’s the only time he can have due to work, so I work round the days he has him

You don't have the right to decide how much contact dad has.
Legally, contact with paternal grandparents should happen during dad's time. As long as the grandparents are suitable humans (not sex offenders or similar) and they are happy to spend time with your son then what your ex is doing is reasonable and would have no repercussions in a court scenario.
Your son wishing that dad was there during his time with grandparents is a different matter and your son isn't unreasonable to feel that way. Neither you or the courts can change that.

Once your son is 12ish then he'd have control over contact but until then you need to accept that your ex has the same parental rights as you so can have others look after ds during his time.

It's shit OP.

I know where you are coming from.
However, your child will have a good relationship with the paternal relatives, so that's a good thing.

So long as he's safe and cared for that's all that matters.

Trust me. When your DC is old enough he will be able to make his own judgement as to who was truly there for him and who wasn't.

It's the fathers loss, not yours.

You are being a great mum. Just keep going.

I can’t even run late from work due to traffic without his dad going off on one because his time is up and usually texts saying to collect ds at his parents as he can’t be bothered and his time is up

Nothing you can do
Say nothing
Just say to ds it is nice he sees his wider family and when he is older and ikd enpugh to stay home alone while you work he can decide to go or not

Old enough

It's entirely up to him on his contact time.

Relations with grandparents etc are a good thing.

Your proposal is to cut Ex's contact to one day, then encourage his aunt/grandparents to take him out for a second day in the week.

Realistically I don't know how different this will feel from what your son is currently experiencing? It's not going to increase the time his dad is spending with him.

His dad can do what he likes on his days with his son, in the same way you can choose what to do on your days with him.

If this is during your working time, you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. Can you afford to pay for childcare if your ex’s family decide not to play to your new rules?

Your ex is a loser, but if your ds is spending time with other adults who love him, isn’t that a benefit?

Soon enough your child will think his Dad is a waste of space. But he will have a nice relationship with his grandparents and his Auntie.
I've leave it and let him get to know the other relatives better.

This

I can guess the aim.. this new plan won't change anything for the child but it will reduce the number of overnight stays with dad which will increase the amount of child maintenance mum is entitled to claim

I don’t get any maintenance so that’s not an issue