4 month old in nursery half day?

[solosunflower]

Hello!

I am struggling with my nearly four month old baby. Since he was born everything has been a struggle - colic, silent reflux, lack of sleep. The only support I have is my mother every so often. I feel like I've listened to him cry 24/7 for months!!! I'm considering maybe putting him in nursery one afternoon a week just to have a break. Will he cope with this or be distressed every week because he's forgotten about nursery?

It's not really recommended to put children in this infrequently. Could you get a babysitter instead? Then at least baby will be in familiar surroundings? You're at a really hard stage 🩷

I'm on my knees.
He's a high needs baby. Absolutely full-on. I couldn't leave him with a babysitter.

I will be returning to work at 6 months for two days a week, so he will need to be in nursery for two full days a week! I'm already panicking I won't be able to make that happen.

I’d wait until you go back to work, 4 months is very young to put in nursery and by the time you do drop off it’ll almost be time to pick up again if it’s just half a day.

Does 6 months old for two days seem do-able?

I can't stop panicking that I'm trapped. I'm on SMP from this month and money is so, so tight.

It might be hard but wanting to leave your baby when they are so little this infrequently would be distressing for them. Can't a friend just come round and sit with the baby in the day for a couple of hours or have your husband take the baby out for a walk in the evening/at the weekend so you can have a break? I had 2 in 18 months my husband was great when he got in from work, he cooked and then took the kids and gave me time to myself.

I don't have a partner. It's just me and baby. Father has never met him.

Leaving him with a babysitter is not much different to leaving him with a nursery. See if you can find someone experienced, like a grandma type figure. Not a local teen. You sound like you need mothering yourself poor thing. You can't do this on your own. Can your mum help more? If you want to transition him to nursery then visit them and set up a plan to do that.

Just get him in nursery if you need to. Don’t worry about anyone saying he’s too young. I can’t see how nursery is any different than a friend taking him really.
maybe look at childminders
or even going back to work early if you can, and it means you can afford childcare.
if you can get him in a half day, and that’s all you can afford right now then I’d say do it. Maybe it isn’t ideal but neither is you falling apart with the stress.

if you’re not already, do look into child support from the father which may help you too.
hang in there op, it will pass.

This.

There are agencies who can match you with someone of suitable experience in your locality. I think a couple of afternoons a week if you can afford it would be a wonderful idea.

My DD went to nursery for 2 days at 7months - she was fine. yes a few tears to begin with but soon settled.

Be gentle to yourself - raising a baby is hard work, especially on your own.

No, I wouldn't be able to manage returning to work yet. I'm far to exhausted. I'm hoping things will be a bit more settled by month 6.
The father gives me £100. CM calculated £200, but he can't avoid that, so we made a private arrangement.

I could probably scrap the money together for a full day...I'd feel too guilty.

Op are you okay?

You say your mum helps occasionally, could she take the baby out for the afternoon and let you have a rest? Do you have any friends that can come and sit with you?

Yes I could get my mum to do that. We have a complicated relationship and she makes it know that she's 'disappointed' if I need support.

I've given up on meeting friends at the minute. It's such hard work trying to keep my son settled that I can't relax.

Have your friends over, ask them for some help and support. Do they have children? If they do they will be more than understanding.

Being a mum is tough, it’s non stop, tiring and the hardest job you will ever do but you will get through this. You’ll soon see how strong you are for doing all of this on your own!

Ignore your mum, I believe it’s a generational thing that some (not all) slightly older women feel you should grin and bear it. If you say how hard it is then they will tell you how hard they had it. It’s never helpful. (I’m not generalising all women and know there are lots of very supportive people out there)

Oh OP, I recognise your username from your other thread, you've done so well in your tough situation. 4 months is a really tough stage from what I remember, but if you're needing to go back to work in 2 months anyway, I don't see the harm in getting baby used to nursery now. My baby was in from 10 months, she's such an easy going baby (settled with childminder no bother) but took her a full month to settle in the nursery setting. Given your posts about how high needs your son is, I would think integrating him early and working up to your 2 full days would be the best option, it could take him that long to settle and if you put him in right before returning to work, you might have to take extra time off.

Also, I had really bad PND and if I hadn't had so much family help, I would have definitely considered putting my baby in childcare from a young age. There's a reason a lot of nurseries take babies from 6 weeks, some mothers have no other choice, don't feel guilty, your mental health is paramount with the imminence of returning to work.

Also, did you ever try the dummy?

OP you definitely need a break . If your mum cannot have baby regularly, then go the nursery route ! My daughter survived mentally because we had her daughter 24hrs every week so she could chill and sleep .X

Hi OP
I went back to work at 6 months 4 days a week. No family to take her. I would put him in one half day a week now and then two days a weeks in 6 weeks.
Many countries don’t have the UK maternity leave and they are fine. Don’t feel guilty! Both my sisters only got 3 months. It’s had no impact on my nieces and nephews.
you need to take care of you too
All the best

OP I just wanted to say it's going to get easier. My DD is now 7 months and things got a lot easier from 4/5 months onwards.

Do whatever you need to do to get a break. You matter just as much as your little one. If that's half a day in nursery or with a babysitter, go for it.

Nursery at that age is unusual but I don’t think anyone would be batting an eyelid if you were using the gym creche once a week to work out, or hiring a sitter every so often to have a date night with a DP. And you’re going back to work soon anyway so just think of it like extended settling in, which is a really good idea as it’s one less thing to worry about.

@Intothegrey Hello! Yes I've tried a few dummies with no success. He's started to use a comforter!

So after some reflection, I'm going to rethink nursery again in a couple of months. Thank you to everyone for their thoughts.

Don't feel guilty for needing time and a break. My daughter went into nursery one morning a week from 5 months. Absolutely loved it and she was so settled there by the time I went back to work when she was 12 months. I built up her time there in the run up to me going to work and it worked brilliantly.
Best of luck x x

Don't feel guilty!
Sounds like you really need a break.
I was a single mum and went back to work 4 days a week when my daughter was 5 months old. She's now a confident and happy 20-something and we have a great relationship. Your baby will be fine!

Is there a homestart near you? They may be able to provide some support