4 month old in nursery half day?

[solosunflower]

Hello!

I am struggling with my nearly four month old baby. Since he was born everything has been a struggle - colic, silent reflux, lack of sleep. The only support I have is my mother every so often. I feel like I've listened to him cry 24/7 for months!!! I'm considering maybe putting him in nursery one afternoon a week just to have a break. Will he cope with this or be distressed every week because he's forgotten about nursery?

You're better off using a babysitter (one who is a nanny/maternity nurse as a job, not a teenager) than a nursery considering his personality, age and the half a day a week you need.

If you want to do nursery, I'd go with the two days straight away, ideally split over four sessions, so four mornings a week, gives him plenty of time to settle and gives you enough of a break to actually make a difference (one half day a week isn't enough).

I'm so sorry I'm in same situation and moved in with parents as it's too hard to be with a baby alone. Do you have a group chat with your best friends in it? (Eg from a baby shower if you had one?) if not please make one and ASK for help!

Something like 'best friends, I have made a group as I don't want to put anyone on the spot but I am struggling so much, baby is really unsettled at the moment I need to be comforting him 24/7 and can't do anything I feel so stressed! I haven't invited many people round as I don't feel like I can properly hold a conversation with visitors but Some of you have kindly offered to help I wonder if any of you might be free to [insert what would help - eg hold him while I shower/vacuum, take him out for a walk in the pram/ help me do bath time /take a bag of laundry ] I would be so grateful if anyone has any time please message me but totally understand you all have other commitments too'

Very good idea.

I would also mention how you're finding things to the health visitor she can put you in touch with local support. Even children's centers if you have them locally can hemp'

I sent my son to nursery at 5 months 1 day a week. Up till about 8 months he was really great with it and happily going and then separation anxiety hit. Started full time from 1year. I sent him as I was exhausted and had pnd. I highly recommend he is now 2 and still loves nursery.

Another idea is to go to some free local baby groups and befriend a mum you trust, and either care for babies together or take turns giving each other a one or two hour break

This!

Where are you OP? There are quite a few ‘mother’s help’ type people where I live that are fully vetted and would help you with whatever you need for a few hours.

I'm north Notts.

I'm actually feeling much more positive, so for the time being I've shelved the nursery idea.

I paid a local (very trustworthy!) sixth-form student to look after DD for a few hours here and there from when she was 4 months old as I am self-employed and needed to keep the business ticking over. It worked really well as DD developed them most beautiful bond with this babysitter and they adored each other.

I went back to work 4 days a week when DS1 was 4 months old. He was in nursery for 3 of those, childminder 1 day/week. He was a high need, dairy intolerant, refluxing baby too, didn't sleep for more than about 20 minutes at a time, day or night, couldn't be put down, ever. I could get out of the house, I permanently stank of milk vomit. It broke me. Working, anything, was preferable. Until you have lived it, you cannot understand how hideous it is.

DS is now nearly 18 and has not suffered from my early return to work. If you plan to go back when he is 6 months anyway, start the settling process now.

💐

A local person your mums age as a sitter for 2-3 hours a week is a better idea, a paid aunt if you like. I'm sure there's someone locally, I certainly would do it for a neighbour more as a favour. Many of us have had high needs babies, my first was a nightmare! I carried her around pretty much continuously unless she was being fed, cosleeping to actually get sleep. I had a partner though

By the way nursery from 6 weeks in normal in the USA, I know people who have used them full time from 3 months here in the U.K., not everyone can afford ml

OP do what you have to do for your sanity.
The country I'm from (western europe) only does 12 weeks mat leave and nurseries are a lot cheaper than here, so the vast majority of babies to go nursery from 12 weeks or so (often even earlier).
DD went to nursery full time when she was 5.5 months old, here in the UK. She's now a thriving 9yo.

As an aside, has a dairy allergy been investigated if baby is still unsettled? It took us 6 months to get diagnosed and it was utter hell - constant screaming, very little to no sleep. Keep pestering your GP. Good luck and you can do this.

4 month old babies are hard work. They really are. Especially if you're on your own.

You're not doing anything wrong and it's ok to need a break or share the load.

If you're able to get to any local baby groups that might help. Just sitting somewhere other than home and getting a free cup of tea was a treat for me and my baby was generally much less grumpy at groups than he was at home.

Also see if Homestart operates near you. It's a support group of volunteers who visit at home and help with childcare and emotional support. They really make a huge difference to many families.

Wishing you a better day today.