Relentless!

[whyyy321]

Just looking for a handhold or some reassurance that things get better!

10 months old, still waking for feeds or resettling a minimum of 2/3 times a night. Transition to solids is still not going well. So much milk still, no idea how to get them off formula at 12 months when they are having this much. Crying/whining all the time. Starting nursery but week 1 and already probably going to need to leave work and collect them due to a temperature. DH and I constantly stressed and upset and arguing.

Help :(

No evenings cause always a wake before we go to bed, and I'm just going to bed by 9 anyway as up in the night. Thought nursery would help me breath (though I work full time) but day 1 and already more bad news.

Oh, hug for you.

Weaning didn’t go brilliantly for us either, if it helps. All my NCT groups children were munching away and mine wasn’t interested. This is actually where nursery was a big help. Mine is a great little eater now <touch wood>

Mine still had formula until he was 18 months. He didn’t seem to like cows milk, and so I just got that cow and gate 1-2 milk, I think. Then we actually moved house - forgot to bring the formula, tried him with cows milk and it was fine! So I wouldn’t worry about that.

We also had the nightmare of first week back and then fever, it’s awful but I think this is actually quite common.

Be kind to yourselves, it’s exhausting and you’re in a funny stage of still quite a way from toddler age but the little baby stage is also a long way away. People think you’ve got it and you haven’t!

@whyyy321 also I did find DS sleep improved after he was a year old. He woke just once in the night which was manageable. But you could if you wanted look into sleep training, it is not for everyone and obviously not now if he is poorly but we had to in the end as DS was driving me to an early grave!

Thank you, it's reassuring to hear it's not just us. I could just cry from the frustration of it all, sometimes it just feels so long since something went well, or even ok. I knew it would be hard but not this hard, when do you get even a little of your own autonomy back??

Yes we've been toying with that, but so hard to find a time when not ill/teething/away on a trip etc! It would help though, knowing I'd get a "break" and being able to relax a little and even watch a show without thinking how I should just be in bed.

Gosh I hear you so much! When we sleep trained DS he was eighteen months and the absolute novelty of not having to go to bed the second he did was amazing. It does grind you down, it can feel you’re not living a normal life and it can be hard not to feel resentful because as much as you love and adore this tiny person you also just want a bit of adult time. I know these words are weak but honestly it will come, please believe that it does get better!

Sometimes it's so good to hear though, just someone promising it will change and it won't always be these problems (I appreciate there will be other problems, but it won't always be this physical and this claustrophobic).

Huge sympathy, I found 6-12 months really tough. If I were you I would nightwean, he doesn't need milk overnight at 10 months. You won't get better sleep until you do and some don't naturally do it themselves. Start by only doing 2 feeds overnight max, then after a few days drop amount of each feed a bit, then drop to one feed, then drop the amount until he's not having any. It might be a bit of a rough few weeks but will pay dividends in the long run. Make sure you offer plenty of food/milk in the daytime so you know he is getting enough.

Don't worry too much about daytime weaning, that they will all do in their own time and some are just slower than others. They don't have to be off milk at 12 months, 500ml per day is still recommended (whole milk) and 2 months is a long time in terms of development.

Going back to work is exhausting. I won't lie, I went back full time at 7 months and the first 6 months nearly broke me. You just have to hang in there and it will get better with time. Drop expectations of doing anything other than surviving, don't book loads of social stuff and minimise work demands as much as possible. Take any help offered and try not to guilt trip yourself. Despite everything, you're doing amazing x

That's all really useful advice. I think I'm nervous of night weaning because of his shaky solids - but also I guess I just don't know what realistically he should be eating in terms of solids? So I've been using formula amounts to guage solids progress which means I'm just stressed about the formula amounts!

My shoulders are constantly around my ears with trying to balance everything. We don't live near family so unless visiting them it's just us (good friends around us, but in terms of really switching off it's only possible on trips to family).

Sorry I'm just ranting. I feel burnt out. I always wanted two kids but I feel I'm failing at 1. My husband and I are both so stressed and tired and we've spent all weekend bickering.

No advice, just solidarity. 10 month old breastfed baby still waking at least 3 times per night and also has to be resettled throughout the evening! Can’t sleep train because he has a heart condition requiring surgery which doesn’t affect him day to day but something I need to be mindful of.

Hes been teething for weeks and if he’s not teething he gets some sort of virus. I’m back at work in two weeks so it’s only going to get more exhausting.

It’s hard but it won’t last forever. My eldest is now 4 and I just can’t believe where the time has gone.

You’re not failing - I promise you’ll get to a good place and be able to contemplate that second baby

Hang in there, it does get easier, promise.

Thanks all, this is so helpful. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you'll be ok. I've just had to get him from nursery so that's me not working today, I'm so stressed about managing work alongside all of this (can't go part time, it's a training on the job scenario so if I quit then I'm years of training out without the qualification to show for it and without the salary either). It's like one of the posters said, I love them but there is such a resentment at times because it feels like nothing ever goes smoothly and I just want something for myself, just for once (work!! Not even anything "nice"!).

Ill again... Another day off... My god.

Huge hugs. Honestly, it's awful. The first few months were the worst. It gradually got easier from then on, and by 6 months I felt like I'd hit my stride again. Just huge sympathy, it is a nightmare. Make sure your partner is taking time off equally too? We had a strict alternating rule on the basis his work is no more important than mine 🙄

Is there something wrong with me that I find it this hard? I'll need to take tomorrow off to stay home with them as they've still got a bad tummy (and I've had one today) and the thought is filling me with despair. Surely I shouldn't find it this hard?

First few weeks at nursery is a nightmare for bugs, it will settle down! It is so so tough, especially when you have expectations about starting back at work but it will get there!
Make sure you do something nice together tomorrow, popping for coffee and cake or a walk to see the ducks so there is a highlight in the day together. Don’t sit in unless you’re both really unwell!
Weaning wasn’t great for us, but as soon as I just caved into Ella’s pouches and petite filous it was so much better. Now at 2.5 she eats everything at nursery and sits and eats meals with us too. Once they’re more full from food the formula feeds will reduce. Toast, banana or porridge for supper is a help before bed. At 10 months I started to reduce the volume I offered on night feeds as a way of weaning her off them.
At nighttime introducing a comforter/ teddy was a huge game changer for us as she would wake and stroke it back to sleep. We used a dummy too.
At 10ms your baby is still very much a baby, they’ve hardly been out of the womb longer than they were in it and are still adapting to the world and need a lot of support. It is exhausting for them and for you. You’ve got this!!

There’s not something wrong with you. It is extraordinary hard!
mine went to nursery at 6 months. It’s all I had for maternity leave but tbh I was struggling really bad and was desperate to get back to work and have a “break”. Then the illnesses hit. It was constant for months and I always caught them too. In fact I wasn’t in work for a single day in December with colds, rsv, bronchiolitis and bacterial sinusitis. It was horrific.
10 months was also one of the worst months for our baby with sleep. He still had 2-3 feeds a night and we ended up co-sleeping simply because I was so tired to keep going into his room.
Around one year old is when things slowly improved. We got him in his cot and he gradually started dropping night feeds himself. He’s now 16 months and more or less sleeps through the night and we didn’t do anything special just always comforted him when he cried out. Although despite our best efforts he is on the lower sleep needs side and loves an early wakeup before 6am.
The illnesses have calmed down loads and when he does get a cold it’s nowhere near as bad.
It’s still blooming tough especially if like us you have no family close by but not being constantly ill and having a little bit more sleep helps a lot. You just need to keep going!

Thanks everyone, think I'm just at a low ebb at the moment. I'm off with him today and just feel like pulling my hair out already with the crying and I know it's not his fault as he's not well, I just can't remember when we last had a calm day. We are all exhausted and miserable and I just don't know what to do.

Oh OP I really feel for you! It’s really hard!

My DC didn’t really bother with her food until 12 months (she has suspected CMPA but doubt that actually had much to do with it). She started nursery at 13 months and that really helped with her eating solids.

Re the sleeping, she’s 18 months now and has only stopped waking in the night (it was 2 wakes a night and nothing soothes her other than a bottle) for the last month or so. There seems to be no reason why she’s stopped really, she just has. However, we still have the occasional 1 wake up in the night where she needs a bottle and the odd evening where she’s not gone to sleep until 9/10 if she’s had a late nap or is unwell.

Me and partner found it really hard when it took hours to settle her on an evening, we never got an evening or any time together and ended up co sleeping with DC often out of sheer desperation to get some sleep, some evenings all three of us would be in tears and in bed by 8pm, it was hard and relentless some days.

I would say just do whatever makes things easier, take turns/tag team, let baby stay up later playing or a bit of tv time (miss Rachel has been a life saver in this house), get that takeaway etc, and take any and all offers of babysitting.

No harm in getting him checked at the Gp and speaking to HV but in my experience they might not be much help.

Theres nothing wrong with finding this hard, because it is hard. But it will get better.

Good luck OP, hang on in there and cut yourself some slack x

Oh also, if this works/is an option for you, in desperate times we’ve been know to pack the car up at like 9pm and go for a drive to get her to sleep as it’s the only thing guaranteed to work. I know this is not what any sleep experts would recommend but when you’ve endured so much crying/whinging all day sometimes you just need to take the easiest option.

Oh OP i really feel for you. My DD went through a phase of this between 4-7 months, felt like she was always miserable and everyday was a battle.

One day i just stopped putting so much pressure on myself. Shes crying? She'll be okay for 2 mins whilst i carry on making that cuppa i went intot he kitchen for.
She wont eat her lunch i made her? That's okay, maybe she wasn't feeling it that day. I'll just give her food i know she wont turn down.
Feeling totally burnt out? Put her fave show on, sit on the sofa and feed her skips for 20 mins to give myself a break.

When I realised strict routine/solids/following guidelines to the T didnt matter, life got easier for us both.
I ended up ferber method sleep training her, she was taking 2+ hours to go to sleep and waking up hourly for 2 months before I eventually gave in and sleep trained, and was devastated i didnt try it sooner.But night 3 she was falling asleep without me rocking her within 20 mins, and only waking up twice per night for feeds. After a month, it dropped to one, and now at 10 months old she has started sleeping through the night for the first time.

It will get better, one day they will just eat everything at lunch and dinner, and they will randomly not wake up in the night. Dont panic about trying to make any of these things happen - just do what you can to survive until they do x

On day 8 of fucking rotavirus now, I've not worked in 10 days (as he wasn't able to be in before that with a fever). I've had it too.

How long can this virus last as a side note? Every time I think we are getting somewhere it's liquid shits and throwing up again. I'm sure he's losing weight and he is refusing pretty much all food - we were getting breakfast in him at least but not even that today. He had a pouch last night and had explosive diarrhea and threw up one of his night feeds. How is this still happening. I want to lie down and wake up when he's 10.

I am so sorry to hear how unwell you’ve both been and still are!
gastro bugs are the worst. They always gave me the worst anxiety. Not knowing when the vomit was coming, only that it was.
i think they say rota lasts up to 10 days so hopefully you are close to the end.
I know it’s utterly relentless. I wish I could give you some tips and advice to help but with nursery illnesses, all you can really do is get through it and you will and they will ease up in time.
we did start giving our baby Sambucol Kids and optibac probiotics. Expensive but sure it’s made a difference as we ran out a week ago and maybe it’s a coincidence but my toddler caught a cold with a fever which he’s not done in a while.
Has your baby seen the GP? Do you have family support?

Thanks for replying :)

I'm really hoping we are near the end but every yesterday the nappies were awful and frequent. Do you know normal/regularly this level of gastro bug comes? Like I expected the usual 24/48 hour stuff but this has been so long. I feel so guilty sending him to nursery to get sick! I keep thinking about quitting my job but it'd be very silly in the long run to do that.

GP largely unconcerned but planning to go back Monday as I'm sure he's lost weight. No family support nearby, they all live over 6 hours away. Makes it even harder when ill, there's been no break for either of us for weeks now.