Relentless!

[whyyy321]

Just looking for a handhold or some reassurance that things get better!

10 months old, still waking for feeds or resettling a minimum of 2/3 times a night. Transition to solids is still not going well. So much milk still, no idea how to get them off formula at 12 months when they are having this much. Crying/whining all the time. Starting nursery but week 1 and already probably going to need to leave work and collect them due to a temperature. DH and I constantly stressed and upset and arguing.

Help :(

@whyyy321
from memory with most of my toddler’s gastro bugs the diarrhoea lasted a week. Last month we also got hit with one that resulted in temporary, secondary lactose intolerance. All babies are susceptible to this and it meant he had really loose, mucusy nappies for weeks after the initial bug and had to cut out all dairy again (after nearly completing the milk ladder).
This might be something to keep in mind as just because his nappies are bad, if he is himself, the bug could be gone but there’s still a lot of gut damage that needs time to heal but he can still go to nursery.

I know it’s not comforting when the GPs don’t seem bothered. I was always beside myself with worry and they’d say he was fine and it was normal and these things take time to heal, which they do but it’s hard not to worry especially when they lose weight. If it was huge amounts, they would do something.
just keep doing what I’m sure you have been which is to keep hydrated and maybe try higher calorie foods like avocado etc to boost intake.
I’m really sorry you don’t have family support. We are the same and it’s very hard. It’s relentless and you just want to disappear but know you can’t because your baby only has you to rely on and there’s no choice but to keep going. It was a hard pill to swallow when I sat one night at 2am with a screaming baby realising there was absolutely no one to call to come and give us even an hours break. My partner and I have to keep taking turns and carry on.

Thanks for replying! Yes it's so hard when you know there is no chance of a break- sleep has always been fairly terrible here and it's so hard to know there's just no chance of catching up. His sleep has managed to get even worse since recovering from the bug- I think because he's so hungry he's waking like a newborn for milk. I'm so tired and there no glimpse of a rest for another 3/4 weeks at least when family might visit. Sympathies to you, I am right there in the thick of it with you!

😂😂😂😂 - I’m not laughing honestly but I felt this post so hard and it’s really a laugh or cry kinda situation.

We had 2 with a 14 month gap. It was lockdown, we’d never actually experienced a toddler so we didn’t know what the hell we were doing to ourselves 😂
Our eldest was a good eater and sleeper, our youngest… well she’s two now and still wakes up 2/3 times a night demanding ‘more milk’ and nothing we do makes a slight bit of difference. We’ve tried everything up to and including cry it out, we were desperate, nothing works!

I went back to work after maternity, both kids started nursery and 8 WEEKS later I had actually made it into work for 3 days.
3 DAYS out of 8 weeks! I kid you not.
All they did for the first few months was catch bugs and pass them between each other (and me and DH) and as I was the much lower earner and DH is a doctor, it was all on me. Everyone just shrugged their shoulders ‘the first 6 months of nursery they catch everything’ they said. Like it wasn’t a big deal, whilst it ruined my career and DH and I teetered on the brink of divorce. We weren’t even getting over one thing before we got the next and we were paying £1400 a month for the privilege

I ended up handing my notice in as work were just beyond fed up, understandably, and there was no realistic end in sight. The resentment towards DH was intense.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it doesn’t get better. In fact it gets worse up to toddlerhood. We now have a 2 & 3 year old
and the 10 month stage feels like a very fond memory 😂 I wish someone had actually been honest with me, back then when I felt like everything was awful.

Bedtime with toddlers is worse than bedtime with babies, it’s just endless ‘go to bed’ ‘go to bed’ ‘I SAID GO TO BED’ whilst they whinge at their gates and request endless items like drinks, snacks, toilet breaks they don’t need, nappy changes, books and cuddles. Most of the time you’ll either be sat alone whilst the other parent is up there dealing with them or you’ll be in one of their bed falling asleep and waking up at 3am with a dodgy back and a toddler draped around you.

You also lose the ability to take them anywhere not specifically for them once they’re 12-18 months+
God I miss the <18 month stage where you could put them in a pushchair and go to like a shopping centre and just walk around and they would be entertained with a snack, toy and watching all the people and shops. Try strapping a 2 yo into a pushchair to go shopping it’s like wrestling a wild bear, you’d be surprised how easily they learn to escape their straps and they have very VERY strong opinions on all of your parenting and choices. The other day my youngest screamed inconsolably on the floor for 30 minutes because she wanted the cat to open her yoghurt not mummy. I kid you not. Can’t reason with them, can’t console them.

Anytime we go anywhere now either we spend the entire time with both of them screaming, slapping each other and taking it in turns to escape their pushchair, or one of us heads off to the play area/park with them whilst the other has to run around running errands as fast as they can until they get the panicked ‘we need to go’ phone call from the park parent who has lost control of the situation 😂

I know this is hard and I’m sorry if it’s too honest for what you were looking for but the best think DH and I every did was just embrace the fact we can never watch a TV show; eat a meal or have a conversation together and this is just our life now. We can’t even have a conversation without someone screaming, we used to talk in the car because they would fall asleep but they rarely do now. Letting go of your old life and the standards/quality you used to take for granted is hard but it’s the only way you’ll survive without getting actual depression or divorced.

I hear it gets better when they go to school. I’m holding out hope for that as right now it’s awful. We know a lot of families with mid/late primary aged kids and their lives seem much more ‘put together’ sounds awful but right now I can’t wait for them to be teenagers.
long lie ins, entertaining themselves on electronics, being able to sit in a restaurant again 🤦‍♀️ maybe even going on holiday!

I'm sure it’s not all roses either though 😂❤️

@Thehonestbadger I relate to a lot of this. We only have the one so I don’t know how you manage with two but I would say the whole first year of my child’s life was hell and I enjoyed very very little of it. Even now, I miss my old life. I love my son more than anything in the world but I do miss being able to get home after a long day and just sit in peace. There’s never peace and always another meal to make, washing to be done, nappy to change, tantrum to endure etc.
we never even got the stage of being content in the pram and watching the world go by because he always wanted to be free and on the move by himself. we’ve only ever been to children’s cafes and never a restaurant as at least he can play in the play area whilst we rush down a cup of coffee instead of listening to screaming whilst we have a drink (always in a takeaway cup).
Yesterday I gave him a homemade snack bar that he just held for ages and so I took it off him and broke it in two thinner pieces as I thought it would be easier to eat. BIG MISTAKE! He lost the plot. Arched his back and cried for 15 solid minutes and wouldn’t take the food back. He’s 16 months old!
I hear about how my friend’s have toddlers who they have to limit screen time with. I can’t even get mine to watch a program past the title song. He never, ever sits still and despite every single effort wakes 4/5am every day.
My friend has 3 and she said tbh the first 5 years are awful and about surviving. They’re all teenagers now and they have a really close relationship. Go on holidays and day trips all the time so I think it does improve. It’s just this initial part that is incredibly tough. That’s what I’m hoping anyway.

Wow haha well honesty is good I guess!

I'm being very negative, I do find him far more engaging and fun at almost 11m than I did as a little baby, but maybe I am naive to think that I'll like the toddler phase! I love watching him get new skills (though I wish one of them was sleeping...)

I look forward to him being older in the sense that I look forward to being able to talk to him and find out what he likes/what his interests are. I don't want to wish away now though and I think this has been helpful as a reminder that things now that are "easy" might change and I should be grateful.

I do wonder how on earth I'd manage another though, which is very sad as I'd love him to have a sibling and I always wanted 2. I just can't see how and that's very sad.