Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What's a normal amount of time to spend child free when you have young kids?

34 replies

Mamabear04 · 15/07/2023 13:08

Just wondering how often people go out for a drink or out in the evening when you have young kids? I have a 3.5y and 1y and honestly DH and I have been out only a hand full of times for a drink or a meal. Fair enough the fiat couple of years were restricted by covid etc but my friend who has a 2.5y and a 5m seem to be out every 2nd weekend for a drink or a meal. I'm just feeling like maybe DH and I should be making more of an effort to spend time for ourselves? We only have my DP to babysit and they already help out alot during the week with childcare so I don't like to ask a lot. What about everyone else? How often do you go out when you have young kids?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2023 13:11

Me ex and I went out often separately - each a sport a few times a week - but only maybe once a month together. We used paid babysitters or took turns with friends kids. But we switched to socialising indoors - dinner parties and bbqs etc with families with similar aged kids, and that was weekly. (This was a good part of our marriage I think - not what ended it!)

InDubiousBattle · 15/07/2023 13:14

We go out together very infrequently now our dc are 7&9 and went even less often when they were very small! Not at all for maybe a year and a half two years after dd (baby number 2) was born as they were only 18 months apart and there was no one to have them. Now we do have a family member who will babysit we manage perhaps once every 3 months ish.
I go out on my own at least once a week and have since they were tiny. We have takeaways in our kitchen (even get dressed up for them which seems lame but is quitenice) 4 times a month. We sometimes take the kids to the pub on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.

Hazelnuttella · 15/07/2023 13:14

When I was on maternity leave my DS would spend the night with my parents maybe once a month.

However now I’m back at work, my DM looks after DS in the week so we don’t ask for overnight stays unless very occasionally (for example a wedding).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Aria2015 · 15/07/2023 13:23

We have time separately at weekends. Works out about half a day each, a morning or afternoon to do our own thing. Also can pretty much have an evening out separately any time, my dh has a hobby that takes up an evening once a week. I probably do something with a friend for an evening every 4-6 weeks.

Going out together happens about 3 - 4 times a year. Mainly for birthdays and anniversary. We don't like to ask much of parents as they help in the week. As they get older, I'd ideally like to find a babysitter we trust that we could use.

Original poster

Mamabear04 · 15/07/2023 13:35

DH is always encouraging me to go out with friends (which I do when I have the energy) but TBH I really miss spending time with him and going on date nights! I just feel so sad we don't get much time together apart from evenings in the house! We have always been BF and i miss hanging out with him going for a drink or a meal!

OP posts:

TinyTeacher · 15/07/2023 13:45

We very rarely go out together. I don't like leaving mine with someone they aren't comfortable with (eldest is 6, but twins are 2) which would mean either our nanny (pricey! And not available fri/Sat evenings) or my parents (in their 70s, help out a lot already but wouldn't like to do bedtime as the boys get fractious sometimes).

In my experience it's easier to get time together for lunch than dinner. Especially if little one is a good napper.

downtoit · 15/07/2023 16:43

We have a 1yo and a 4yo. We don't go out without the kids, and we spend all weekend together too so neither of us takes both dc so one of us can have child-free time either. It just works for us. We don't have family around to babysit but I think even if we did, I just prefer to do the bedtimes and keep the dcs in their routine. We can afford to pay babysitters but the idea of having a stranger in my home looking after my baby doesn't appeal to me, even with excellent references.

Neither DH nor I are very sociable so we don't really miss going out with friends. And we don't have friends close enough that we'd swap babysitting either (and I wouldn't want to babysit someone else's kids either, would rather pay if we needed a sitter). I do miss evenings out with DH but I just figure those days will come when the dc are older.

Wicksytricksy · 15/07/2023 17:28

5yo and 2yo. Not much really - birthdays, anniversary, the odd wedding, that's about it. Can't remember the last time we went to the cinema or to see a band together. We're not really ones for "date nights", it doesn't feel needed for our relationship but can see why others feel like that.

We both go out separately with friends and to do hobbies so we work it between us so we still get solo time which quite frankly I need more than I need a meal out with DH!

Marblessolveeverything · 15/07/2023 17:45

I live my social life so always prioritised getting out to keep my identity and friendships.

Every week we both got out with friends and every second week date night. We were lucky extended family and colleagues older teens babysat.

Archeron · 15/07/2023 17:51

We don’t really have anyone to babysit except my parents, who are in their 70s. So we can’t exactly ask on a regular basis, and we have to stay sober to drive them home afterwards. I don’t remember the last time we had a drinking night out? Probably before we had kids. We occasionally have a meal or cinema/theatre every 2-3 months.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 15/07/2023 17:57

Child-free time together?? Not much at all. We have 3 kids aged 3-6 and no family nearby so we either pay a babysitter or family members will look after them on visits. I'd say we manage to go out together once every 2 months on average. We do give each other time in the evening or on weekends but obviously that's solo while the other one has the kids. It's tough...

YouNeverCanTellWithBees · 15/07/2023 18:22

DC are 5 and 2. We've been out maybe twice together that time. Been out a handful of times just me or just DH.

Elektra1 · 15/07/2023 18:25

Prioritise the time together, even if you can just do it once a month. Do ask DP to babysit. You need to make time for your relationship or it so easily slides into you being housemates who share DC. I speak as someone whose DW left me recently for someone else. One of the reasons cited was I didn't care about her enough. In between raising our child, working 4 days a week, and looking after my other DC and ageing parents, I guess I can see why she may have thought that. I just never thought she'd throw our life away just as easily as that.

fireflyloo · 15/07/2023 18:40

Dh and I go out out once a month and dc stays with a relative. Dc also has sleepovers with friends and we make the most of that too and go to cinema, for a meal or pub. We go away 2-3 times per year on our own to different cities for a few nights and see 2-3 concerts a year.

Questionsforyou · 15/07/2023 18:44

4 and 8 months here. Have had 1 childfree meal out. I have a lot of social time separate from she dh though.

WeightoftheWorld · 15/07/2023 18:50

We take two annual leave days a year for date days and that's generally pretty much it. If we are lucky we get a couple of lunches together a year on top of we are both WFH the same days but that hasn't happened since I was on mat leave with DC2 tbh and he's 21 months now. We don't have anyone willing to babysit. We take Friday nights 'off' together so unless one of us is out with friends or family (maybe once a month or so), we do the bare minimum evening chores then and then spend the evening together at home either watching a film or playing games or whatever. We also get a mid-week takeaway together when the kids are in bed once a fortnight.

Ima90sbaby · 15/07/2023 18:51

My DS is 2 years old, the last time me and my DH had a meal out together alone was new years day, time before that we went out for a few drinks at a wedding do on bonfire night 😫

Gymmum82 · 15/07/2023 18:53

Both of us together 3 or 4 times a year. Separately far more often. Several times a week. Mostly to exercise rather than nights out though.
We don’t have regular childcare

Mrkipplingslice · 15/07/2023 19:25

We have a 9 month old and do a date every other weekend. It’s often coffee/lunch/cinema - something in the day time and mine or dh’s parents will watch dc for a couple hours. Like you my family helps with childcare 2 days a week so I don’t like to ask too much. I’m hoping when dc stops bfing and sleeps better we can start doing monthly evening dates.

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 19:29

Our parents also help with childcare needed for work so I don't like to ask unless it's for an event like a wedding or work do.
What we do try to do is work our WFH days once a month or so and go out for lunch
Also DS has been asleep since 6:30 tonight and won't get up until around 7:30 tomorrow, so we're not out but there's a bottle of wine in the fridge and deadloch on Amazon prime.
We do also sort of work together, so occasionally pop out of the office for coffee during the day too
We're away next weekend and DS is with PIL

OverTheCountryClub · 15/07/2023 19:30

Lol never

RidingMyBike · 15/07/2023 19:30

On my own to meet friends: weekly evening from when DD was three months old.

With DH: about four times in seven years!

RidingMyBike · 15/07/2023 19:34

We each have a chunk of childfree time at weekends, but that's separately as the other one is with DD .

And we use annual leave to have a childfree day together a few times a year

Ragwort · 15/07/2023 19:37

We would pay a babysitter or swap childcare with friends but to be honest never really been into date nights, prefer socialising with my own friends .. and now our DS is grown up we could be out every night if we wanted to but can't remember the last time we've had a night out together . We have wine and a nice dinner nearly every night at home .. so no need to go out !

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 15/07/2023 20:08

We have an almost 5 year old and a 1.5yr old. We had a weekend away, so 2 nights, at a wedding 2 months ago where my parents very kindly looked after them, and a day at a wedding, so from lunchtime to 10pm last year. That's been it since they were born I think.

I think your friends are very lucky

Flip

1 2