Kids don't want to go out, ever

[Canyoumakemeporridge]

HI I've signed up specifically to ask this question because I'm so at a loss.
Married, 4 kids, DH works shifts and I work term-time. I am now off on 6 week break.
Kids are DSs 10, 12, 15, 18. (This is mostly about the younger two but mentioning older 2 for context.)
This is the first year that I have been at home for the school holidays and I had visions of us going out on daytrips, getting the chance to do lots of things together, etc but anytime I suggest something they say they want a home day - which means playing Switch, drawing, lego etc. They dont want to see friends and round here nobody just comes to door its all pre-prepared by parents, and they dont want to meet up with friends either if I suggest arranging. They say its school holidays so they just want to stay home.
I took them to cinema yesterday to see a movie they chose and because we did that its like they now need the next few days at home to get over the fact that we went out!

I get bored being at home too much and I have joined a fitness club and have been going there a lot because then at least I get to go out (younger ones stay with older).

Surely they cant just stay home for the summer, like every day? Its so hard because they just like their own company and the company of each other, being all boys they dont really have a need/want to see others. I dont think it is good to stay home all the time, or am I just thinking that because its not what I would prefer?

At ages 10 and 12 should i just insist we are going out somewhere, park, swimming etc. They do like it when we get there. It so hard to know what to do. It was much easier when they were little.

Any advice from those who are there or have been there would be great.

leave them to it and go do your own thing. it’s no fun dragging kids around who don’t want to be out

Mine don't get a choice! They come like it or not. We compromise by mixing up home days and days out.

How long have they been on school hols -isn’t it early days?

Do a mixture of things. They need to chill at home and it's nice they want to. Get them baking or watching a movie together. Go to the shops, boring things too, no devices. Do it for 5 days max then they'll want to do something. I think there's alot of 'scheduling' kids time. It's good to have them in a few planned things but not every single day. They need time to think and relax and amuse themselves.

Mine are similar ages and never want to go anywhere anymore either I don’t like dragging them out because then they are just in a bad mood for the day

Didn’t read the whole thing through but I know if you’re the parent, you set the rules. Simple as.

I would sit them down and decide on let's say 2 activities out a week that you can all agree on with the rest of the time as they please. That way they will have some input into what they do but can also have chill time. Would they like things like indoor climbing etc?

We are in Scotland so this is the end of week 2 of hols.

This could work. I think they are overall better is something is quite preplanned.

If they love being at home, do two home days, one outing in rotation. Make sure that on at least one of the home days they never disturb you so you can get on with your own projects.

Get them to plan some of the outings - put them in charge.

Make one hour of exercise mandatory on home days - even if it is just charging around the garden with water soakers or doing Joe Wicks.

Have you asked what they want to do? Mine are that age and I get a more enthusiastic response to eating out, even just a sausage roll from a bakery if money is an issue. Then I can say, well let’s walk down to the river to eat them/have an ice cream.
Other thing that works is volunteering to take a friend along, maybe even leaving them in the arcades with a limited amount of money whilst I go shopping.
One of mine likes the gym so we do that together. My youngest is still happy to do museums, interesting walks etc. I do find I need a hook though, sometimes that’s a cafe, or a waterfall etc

Mine were the same at those ages, I had three boys. I think its because they are all boys they had enough company with each other and similar interests so didn't feel the need for anyone else. I'd get other kids calling for them and they wouldn't want to go out with them either so not just mum.🤷‍♀️ I'd let them get on with what they want to do, they'll let you know if they get bored. I think they just want to chill after all the organised stuff in school. If it's any conciliation they are best mates now too in their 30s, they can spend a whole weekend together playing complex board games (yawn) and just want mum to supply food😂

Aw this is really nice. I'd love for them to still be as close when they are older x

I'd insist on an hour or two a day outside because fresh air, exercise and a change of scenery is really important for physical and mental health. Outside of that I'd just let them get on with what they want.

You could ask them all to pick one thing reasonable that they would like to do?
eg child 1 says swimming
child 2 says indoor climbing
then you also choose - that’s a week and the rest is free time

The 18 year old is too old to go on days out with mum. Does he/she not have a part time job?
From the age of 12 no way would I be seen out in public with my parents. It just wasn't cool and I'm guessing it still isn't !!
That leaves the 10 year old . Maybe he/she just wants to chill after a long year at school

I would insist that the 10 and 12 year old go out somewhere at least every other day. I'd invite the older two to join (and ask them to pick activities) but I wouldn't insist in their case, I think they're old enough to do what they want in their holiday.

My 18 yr old and his 19 yr old cousin still join us for the odd day out! They're not too old. Especially if there are good snacks or a meal out included.

Mine never had a choice. We would all decide what we wanted to do and plan around everyone, but they had to leave the house pretty much every day, even just to walk to the shop for a cake, drink ect.
Somedays we went to feed the ducks, some days were whole days out.
Eldest still likes to leave the house most days, youngest less so but will still come out if I ask.

Just ignore them and go and do what you want

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, they are really lucky boys to have each other to hang around with. But Why don’t you go on a camping trip? Or take them somewhere where you can build a fire and swim in a loch, kayaking or something. If your in Scotland go to loch earn, you can camp, build a fire and do water sports there. Kids that age aren’t interested in much accept computers but all kids love being outdoors beside water and building fires. Google your nearest water sports/out door adventure places.

My 9yo always wants to stay home but becomes unpleasant to be around without a bit of time out. We compromise with a home day every other day (roughly) but she must go in the garden unless wet for at least an hour, she usually finds herself something to do.

'days' out are usually a morning or afternoon at most and we have a large calendar with what's planned for each week.

My 10 year old either wants to stay home and play on her Minecraft or if her friends are available she will go out with them. She huffs a bit when I want to go out. My 23 year old loves a day trip with me/family. She’s autistic though (no learning disability and most wouldn’t even realise) so she doesn’t like socialising with her school friends outside of school - she tried it once but she wasn’t keen on where they wanted to go and got into a panic. If I don’t make a plan to go somewhere she literally doesn’t leave her bed, but equally she loves a day out. Even a trip to the supermarket and back counts!!

I used to schedule every day when they were younger so I’m giving myself a break now and not making them go out as much but still a couple of times a week.

I wasn't meaning for 18 and 15 year old. I said in post I was just meaning younger two.

I wasn't necessarily meaning they had to go out with me, but don't want out with friends either most times.

Thank you so much everyone, lots of ideas for what to do. We have decided to have 2 or 3 days a week where we do things outside the house and we will plan together each weekend what we'd like to do the coming week.

I think they just like knowing in advance what's happening, and when they have down time. Know that's not always possible in life, but will help to try x