Not allowing visitors after giving birth

[HollieTalbut1997]

Is it normal/common not to allow visitors after having a baby?
My stepsister had her first baby last week and came home from the hospital the next day and I haven’t been allowed to visit them yet.
I understand she wants peace and doesn’t want loads of people coming in and out but I am her only sibling and I can’t help but feel hurt.
She made clear before the birth that other than her Mum (my Stepmum) she wouldn’t be having any visitors at the hospital, which I totally respected but wouldn’t be my personal choice. However I imagined that fairly soon after they went home I would go round. I have asked when would be a good time to come and she said ‘soon, I will let you know’, that was 6 days ago.
My Dad (her Stepdad) went to visit them at home on Sunday so I was confused why I couldn’t also go. I get not having loads of extended family and family coming round but we are a small family and beyond me, my Dad and Stepmum there’s really only her grandma and partners parents who are likely to visit immediately (other family lives far away so will be a while before they come).
I’m trying to appreciate that everybody is different and not take it personally but I do feel hurt that she doesn’t consider me important enough. We have been in each others lives since we were small children so have grown up together.
I think it’s worse because I’ve always felt quite left out of the family unit she has with my Dad and Stepmum and this is something else I’ve been left out off. (Again I know it’s not about me but I can’t change the way I feel).

I don’t want this to come across as selfish, I really want to be around to support my sister and I want to be active in my nephews life from the start. I simply haven’t heard of anyone restricting visitors to this extent before, when my friends and cousins have had babies they’ve been keen for family/close friends to come around and meet the baby very quickly. She also has never suggested at any point that she would be restricting/stopping visitors once they were home. She’s also asked the family not to forward on/send any pictures onto other family members/friends that she hasn’t sent them to. I found this a bit odd too? I appreciate not plastering things all social media etc but I’ve essentially been told not even show my close friends a picture of my new nephew.
I really just wanted others take on this situation, I’m not going to say anything to my sister as I think it would just come off badly and she has obviously just given birth so I don’t want to upset her.

when I had my first baby everyone and their mother called round and my house was crowded and it was awful. I was struggling to feed my baby and the house was full of visitors. My in laws came and stayed for hours. All of the visitors got on my nerves.
Fast forward to having my second baby and I specifically told dh that he must not let anyone visit without first asking me. I did not want a repeat of what had previously happened. It was heaven.
People seem to forget that that giving birth can be a very painful, exhausting experience. You are tired, have a baby and a toddler and would like to get sone rest, not entertain guests.
Op- maybe your step sister isn’t as close to you as you would like to think.
Either way it’s her decision.

Maybe after the baby has had it's first shots and your sister has had her six week check.
Perhaps she will be happy for you to bring some fruit over,or bread and milk and a coffee, and look from afar at the new baby soon. As soon as she feels well enough.

It is very usual for many parents to have a no online presence for their baby - so I understand about the picture.
If you send a picture to someone you lose control of the image which could be hacked or anything.

I completely agree. If you feel OK after the birth and want to have people over, great. If not, you should not be pressured. Frankly most people visiting are only interested in the baby, not the mum. It's annoying to have people cooing over the baby and completely ignoring you, especially if you feel you need some support and understanding.

I would agree it's not about you. She'll be very fragile right now and this might be her way of coping and feeling in control. I tested negative to covid the day I went into labour and then had a traumatic birth and tbh I only was happy for my parents to visit. I was in so much pain and I was trying to establish feeding with a tongue tied baby. I was also taking so many pain killers that it was hard to keep up a conversation. After I felt a bit better then I started inviting people round. Maybe she doesn't want people to share photos because she wants to enjoy the responses of how lovely her baby is? I don't know why she's made these decisions but I definitely wouldn't take her behaviour personally. Maybe you could send her a wee something in the post or drop some nice cakes on her doorstep as an incentive for her to get in touch?

I think I would message again saying 'hope you and baby are doing ok? Can't wait to see you x'

I can understand you may feel pushed out if parents have visited. I wonder if she has experienced stitches or a section and is in pain so is trying to navigate everything. Baby blues also appear 4/5 days after birth and can last a few weeks. Have you spoken to your dad/step mum? I would send a check in text and ask if there is anything she might need? Hope you get to meet little man soon but try not to take it personally, its hard not to but birth is a crazy roller coaster of emotions! 💐