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Parenting

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Original poster

If you had an only child by choice…

35 replies

Londonder · 10/07/2023 16:42

…have you regretted it? How has it been?
i have 1 DC but for several reasons (financial, no family help, no real desire to do it all again, more time and resources to give DD) I feel we might be stopping at 1.
People I speak to sometimes seem to take for granted that two DC is the “standard”, which I find annoying.
Keen to hear stories of 1 DC families.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fivebyfive2 · 10/07/2023 18:11

My son is 3.5 and we're almost certainly not having anymore. For various reasons. I love being his mum and feel really content with our family of 3. I do get a bit of a pang sometimes, a bit of anxiety about him "missing out". But he's thriving, happy and very loved. He's not one for crowds but has a couple of really sweet friendships at nursery and we see them and my friends little one for play dates etc.

AuntMarch · 10/07/2023 18:29

Mine is recently 4. I'm not quite past it yet as far as biology goes, but I am single and really not looking to change that, so extremely unlikely I'll have any more. I am quite happy with that, there is no "wishing".

I miss the baby stage, and do get broody when I'm around other peoples babies because I loved it so much... but if I had another one just for that reason, what would I do with it a year later 🤔

doodleygirl · 10/07/2023 18:30

My girl is all grown up, loved being an only and I’ve never regretted having more.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Lagershandy · 10/07/2023 18:31

DH and me were both from big families so we knew we would only want one child. Once he came along I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved our son. ( I know it doesn't work like that but that's how I felt)

DS was always very confident, outgoing and had a lot of friends, he is still friends with his classmates from infant school!
Also he has cousins he is close to.

We were able to give him time and attention, and as he got older were able to put him through uni, bought his first car and help him buy his first home. All the things our parents couldn't do for us.
DS liked being an only child, and used to say "It's great being me"!

Dontcallmescarface · 10/07/2023 18:31

DD is in her early 30's now and I have never regretted having no more after her. You'll probably get the usual "oh but they'll be lonely" shit from some quarters but if yours grow up anything like mine, then your house will be the "go to" place for all your DC's friends that have siblings as it will be an "annoying sibling" free zone. Honestly I reckon at times there were more kids in my house than there were at the local youth club during DD's teenage years.

Greydogs123 · 10/07/2023 18:35

I’ve got a 10 yr old and so far, have not regretted the decision to only have one. Everything is so much easier with only one to think about. whenever I spend time with those with more than one I realise how much less stressed by day to day life I am. My child enjoys being an only, often comes back from time spent at friends with siblings saying how they’re glad they’re an only.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/07/2023 18:47

doodleygirl · 10/07/2023 18:30

My girl is all grown up, loved being an only and I’ve never regretted having more.

Likewise. Mine has lots of good friends, of her own choosing.

carrot87 · 10/07/2023 18:58

I have an 11 year old and was adamant until a couple of years ago I didn't want another one. I then was diagnosed with an illness and that changed my mind completely.

Im99912 · 10/07/2023 19:03

I was a fairly young mother 20 when i had my son
He was very easy baby and easy kid growing up.

however although I always wanted 1 child I had no desire to have any more
even when DH & I got married we decided against having any more kids together
I had fabulous family support from my mum &
dad as I lived about 10 mins walk from them so having more would have been very easy but I’m to selfish 😂

On the plus side having one means he has had to share anything so he got a huge deposit for a house / and car .

We have had some amazing holidays together when he was younger right up to when he was around 23

I’ve been able to help him out loads financially and I don’t mind doing this because having just the one means I don’t have to share it with other children

He isn’t spoilt but he’s had a lot more advantages as an only child than if he had siblings and had to share

he’s close to his step brothers as they are similar ages and my sisters eldest daughter as they all went to the same school

he has always been very sociable and I put him into lots of kids clubs and after school activities when he was younger so that he wasn’t bored and always had plenty of friends

Mumof118 · 10/07/2023 19:04

I have one and he’s 18.

We stopped at one for the same reasons that you are considering. There is no way I could have given DS the life he’s had, if we had more children. Additionally, it isn’t something we’ve regretted.

DS is very happy and we do a lot together as a family. He’s had a lot of love and attention.

DH and I have also enjoyed a better quality of life because we have not had more children. Fewer money worries, fewer general worries and less stress 😂

LMNT · 10/07/2023 19:06

doodleygirl · 10/07/2023 18:30

My girl is all grown up, loved being an only and I’ve never regretted having more.

Me too. DD is 22 and had a very happy childhood. Never wanted siblings either.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/07/2023 19:12

I was an only. Said I wanted a sibling for a while when I was young but I don't think it would have made me happier. I had other family and good friends. I wasn't lonely.

pepino · 10/07/2023 19:21

Dd is an only and so am I.
I always loved it, my parents could afford to do lots of things with me and I had all of their attention. The only time I regretted not having siblings was when my mum died, as when my dad goes too I'll be all alone.

Letsgotitans · 10/07/2023 19:30

I've really appreciated these responses. I'm going through lots of chemical pregnancies at the moment trying for a second so it's nice to read the plus side of having one child if we are not able to.

Emmylou22 · 10/07/2023 19:38

Never regretted my choice to stop at one. I had a traumatic pregnancy and I'd never go through that again! Having my daughter well and happy feels like a blessing and I've never craved another biological child. My partner has two kids and we were both adament when we started dating we didn't desire any more!

TitanicWasAGreatMovie · 10/07/2023 19:39

I am an only (happily so) my 18 DS is an only by choice.

We live abroad and had no family help at all. Couldn't afford two lots of childcare, nor for one of us to give up work. We had a better standard of living, its easier to travel and do anything with just one kid, my house is peaceful and tidy-ish, we were able to pay for a private education for him... soooo many reasons but honestly, I simply only ever wanted one child.

Everything else I would have dealt with somehow if I really wanted second one 🤷‍♀️

Ponderingwindow · 10/07/2023 19:39

Mine is a young teen and I am so happy we only had one.

we have been able to give her so many life experiences that would not have been available in a bigger family. Yes, she missed the experience of having a sibling, but she gained other valuable experiences.

more importantly, like me she turned out to have “high functioning” autism, the kind I like to describe as the absent minded professor variety. With one child we are able to center our family around her needs. Our rules do not need to compromise to balance the competing needs of two children. We can adapt solely on what is best for her. We also have the financial resources to seek private services when needed and no guilt that we are taking away potential resources from another child.

Paddingtonthebear · 10/07/2023 19:44

Have I regretted it? No

How has it been? Great. Particularly since I stopped caring what anyone though about about it

👍

Missingmyusername · 10/07/2023 19:47

I’m an only, so is DH and we have an only. No regrets, wouldn’t have anymore.
Neither me or DH wish we’d had a sibling. I asked my parents for a brother once and was told I’d have to exit my lovely, big bedroom for the smaller one😂that was the end of that!

WimpoleHat · 10/07/2023 19:48

DD is 22 and had a very happy childhood. Never wanted siblings either

I’m an only child. I’d have said the same at 22…..but I felt very differently at 44….. Time can bring different challenges and a different perspective. (That said, I have friends with siblings who wholeheartedly wish they were/had been only children, so there are no guarantees with any of this.)

Mumof1andacat · 10/07/2023 19:48

Ds is 10. I don't regret it. I am a happier mum for having one. I know I just couldn't manage another. My ds deserves a happier mum and happier for me is one child

beachsandseaicecream · 10/07/2023 19:49

I have one DS who is 7.

Very happy with our choice to have more time, energy and money for DS but also for our marriage and ourselves. We're a very happy trio and the thought of going through it all again feels me with horror. DS is so easy now compared to a couple of years ago and a pleasure to spend time with.

DS does sometimes talk about a sibling but it's not going to happen plus what he actually wants a playmate his own age, not a baby or toddler sibling to disrupt his games.

Kingsparkle · 10/07/2023 19:49

I have 1 who is a toddler and every day that passes I am more sure of our decision. Our family feels complete and I know we have no more of ourselves to give as parents. DS has a lovely little life but we would be so drained emotionally and financially with another that it doesn’t bear thinking about for us.

KingTriton · 10/07/2023 19:50

I have one child by choice. There are many positives. Mine does occasionally say how much he would like a sibling and yes I do feel guilty about that, but it just wasn't the right decision for us.

He has many opportunities that just wouldn't have been possible with more than one.

He has plenty of cousins and friends. I think he has a pretty great life!

Whinge · 10/07/2023 19:53

DS does sometimes talk about a sibling but it's not going to happen plus what he actually wants a playmate his own age, not a baby or toddler sibling to disrupt his games.

I think this is such an important point, and one worth repeating. I think most only children go through a phase of asking for a sibling, and this is exactly why they want one. A relative had an only for 7 years before the youngest came along, and although they begged for a sibling the reality of having a new baby just wasn't anything like they had imagined.

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