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Original poster

How to respond when a child falls

59 replies

Evanna13 · 10/07/2023 09:19

If my child has a fall I would go to them, check they are OK, give them a little hug etc. However I have noticed lately a lot of parents responding very differently. They see the child fall, stay where they are and say "get up, up, up" etc
These would be minor falls where the child is clearly not seriously injured.
I am worried I am being a bit soft although it is my natural response. Do I need to toughen them up a little? I am talking about 2-6 year olds.

OP posts:

NewLeafAgain · 10/07/2023 22:47

"oh, whoops!" Or similar. Light and airy.
I think it's reassuring to remind them that when it first happens that's the sorest it's going to be.
Also when younger I'd offer to help them distract their brain while their clever body fixed it up- maybe they tell me a joke or something.
If really crying hard we imagine blowing up balloons or something.

They can access plasters and cool packs themselves.
Ideally I only want them coming to me if it's a reasonably serious bleed or potential break.

SlippySarah · 10/07/2023 22:49

My 8 year old is real screamer. He is clumsy and also "pratfalls" by deliberately tripping over things and rolling on the ground wailing. Also genuine minor injuries are always exaggerated by him. Tbh it's impossible to always get the right reaction with him and people must think I'm crazy when I basically ignore him screaming away clutching at his ankle or whatever in the park but there's no way I'm going to encourage his recklessness and low pain threshold by jumping up every 2 minutes to check on him. When as soon as something else catches his eye he stops his extreme limping and wailing and runs off to play football like it never happened.

thefatpotato · 11/07/2023 20:12

I ask if they're okay if it's a small fall and they're not upset. If it was a tumble and looked like it really hurt then I usually give them a cuddle and say something like 'I'm sorry that happened to you!'

I can't stand it when people say 'you're fine, get up!' To kids when they fall. Like, falling over hurts!

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Looneytune253 · 11/07/2023 20:26

I'm a childminder and I find it better for the child to just say 'oh dear, up you get' etc. if you make a big deal of it, child is more likely to get upset. Often children pick up on the reactions of the adults around them. Obv if they start crying etc anyway then picking them up and a cuddle is the correct response but 9/10 the child is abs fine.

FragrantBumFluff · 11/07/2023 21:14

Mine is almost 2 and I am trying to train myself to react in a more calm and reassuring way, because up until now I have always rushed over making a fuss and I think it’s made it worse. She is very dramatic at the tiniest of falls now and even does it deliberately to get a reaction, it’s rather funny but unintended! Now I try and pause for a beat to see if she just gets back up, if she is still led there after a few seconds I say ‘Whoospie, are you ok? Do you want me to help you up?’ And usually she will grab my hand to pull herself up and scamper off again. But if she cries I always scoop her up for a cuddle and a kiss. Sometimes I ask if she is hurt or just shocked as I do think sometimes the shock can cause upset even if there is no actual pain.

Its tricky though and I’m sure everyone will have different opinions!

sff · 11/07/2023 22:26

I don't react if it's really minor. If there's potential for a scraped knee or something like that I'll normally say oopsy. I found if I rushed over they'd then think they were seriously hurt and cry.

I'v found that I can tell if they've actually hurt themselves and are putting on a brave face. In those situations I'll hug them etc.

katie416 · 12/07/2023 18:05

My daughter is two and ever since she’s been on the move I’ve always just asked her if she’s okay when she falls / hurts herself and now 90% of the time she will just say ‘yeah!’ Get back up and carry on what she’s doing but that 10% where she has actually hurt herself or even if it’s just really shocked her and she starts crying, I’ll pick her up and we just have a hug and I ask if she wants it kissing better which always helps 😂 Everyone is different and parents differently, but I don’t want to just say ‘get up you’re okay’ when she’s really not and not validate her feelings. I mean I’m 26 and sometimes if I hurt myself I have a cry depending what mood I’m in. would really pee me off if the OH was like oh just get up you’re fine 🤣 x

fsm · 13/07/2023 02:51

RainbowStew · 10/07/2023 09:36

Pick the child up, give them/offer them a cuddle and then they will let go when they are ready. As they get older they may say “it’s okay, I’m fine” but that is their choice and there isn’t a expectation to be “fine”, to not make a fuss, to cover their feelings, to cope without comfort.

My DM was of the “come on, you’ll be fine” school, always. I hate her when I think of that, and particularly remember falling once at the bus stop and her “come on, up you get” attitude.

She is generally someone who minimises other people’s feelings and can be quite cold though, and believes in “not pandering” so it’s just reflective of her parenting approach and personality in general.

Children need a trusted adult to co-regulate them when distressed, until they learn to do it themselves.

A parent being available and comforting and supportive will actually help a child to develop resilience, it doesn’t make a “soft” child (and so what if it did?! Some people will always be softer than others and it isn’t a weakness to show distress and to want and accept support when offered)

My DC are very confident and happy children, being a responsive and loving mother has done them no harm at all!

Totally agree I hate the ‘get up you’re fine’ approach

booksandbrooks · 13/07/2023 03:29

I tend to say a little light oopsie daisy, you alright? and wait for their reactions. Kids often feed off their parents reaction so I keep it light until I know if it's going be huge tears or an I'm alright and leap up.

My kids tend to shout I'm okay and crack on but occasionally have big tears, where of course I wrap the up in cuddles and inspect the ouchie. I don't think every trip requires a cuddle but maybe kids are just very clumsy.

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