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Original poster

How to respond when a child falls

59 replies

Evanna13 · 10/07/2023 09:19

If my child has a fall I would go to them, check they are OK, give them a little hug etc. However I have noticed lately a lot of parents responding very differently. They see the child fall, stay where they are and say "get up, up, up" etc
These would be minor falls where the child is clearly not seriously injured.
I am worried I am being a bit soft although it is my natural response. Do I need to toughen them up a little? I am talking about 2-6 year olds.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evanna13 · 10/07/2023 10:09

Thanks for all the responses, they were very helpful and some points I had not thought of. I don't think my reaction is OTT but I can see the benefit of waiting to see if the child just gets up themselves.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2023 10:20

I do a bit of both. If I can tell they've landed hard, or are crying I'd go over, everything will need to be kissed that got hurt and then generally they'll go off. If it's a less hurty fall I'd encourage them to get up and come to me to kiss it all.

steppemum · 10/07/2023 10:30

My first reaction was always a cheerful Whoops a daisy.
I found that that acknowledged that they had fallen, but didn't assume they were hurt.
That calm cheerful response allowed them to either go - whoops and stand up and get on.
Or go OW and come to you to need a hug.

And getting them laughing is great too.

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Maryandherlamb · 10/07/2023 10:32

I ask them if they're alright, and then respond accordingly. My youngest picks herself up and carries on most of the time, but sometimes wants a cuddle. My eldest is always quite upset so I give him the attention he needs, explain that I think his leg etc looks OK, and try to encourage him to carry on.

FlamingoYellow · 10/07/2023 10:45

It's not just about teaching resilience though is it? It's also about modelling empathy and how to respond if they see someone fall over or hurt themselves. It's a tricky balance to get right. I usually say "oh no! Are you OK? Let's get you up off the floor quickly". One if my children could have a limb hanging off and not be that fussed, the other one will cry and demand a plaster at the tiniest scratch, so of it must be down to personality.

My friend's husband once told me that he always laughs when one of his children fall over because that will show them that it's nothing to worry about. But then I think, won't that just lead to his children thinking that the appropriate response to someone getting hurt is laughter?

Aria2015 · 10/07/2023 10:45

I have a friend who will just say 'up you get!' And then she just waits to see if any tears come before going to her lo. I have noticed her lo seems much more resilient to falls than mine (they're both 2) and I'm like you op, I tend to rush over and scoop them up and I have wondered if by making more of a fuss, I am creating more of a fuss. So I am trying to hold back a bit and now I try not to rush over unless they're visibly upset, but it's hard and I keep forgetting! 🙈

SeaToSki · 10/07/2023 10:53

I would say oh goodness and then brush your hands off while miming brushing my hands off. Giving them something to do always seemed to allow them to take a second to see if they were actually hurt and needed a hug or just a bit shocked and needed a minute to reset themselves.

Also if a dc has fallen and cut their lip, a frozen ice lolly is a great way of reducing the bleeding by effectively applying ice and cheering up the dc

shivawn · 10/07/2023 11:01

I don't think there's a right way. My son is 20 months and I tend just to do an "oops a daisy!" and he normally responds with an "uh oh" and pulls himself back up and continues running around. He's not particularly sensitive and doesn't get upset when he falls so if he does start crying then I know he's hurt or upset and I scoop him up and give him loads of kisses and cuddles, if not I know he's grand and I don't worry about it.

WolfFoxHare · 10/07/2023 11:15

If they're clearly not hurt, I'd say "Oh dear, did you have a little tumble? Never mind, you're ok! Up you get!"

If they're a little hurt, I'd say something similar but give a hug and say "There you go, all better now! Off you go!"

If they're actually hurt, I'd give cuddles, sympathy and first aid.

I must spend a lot of time saying "Are you ok?!" when DS falls over or bangs himself or whatever though, as now whenever he trips, he immediately says "I'm ok!" before I can even ask.

SErunner · 10/07/2023 11:18

If it's a minor one which clearly didn't hurt much we say cheerily 'oh good fall' 'well done for putting your hands down' 'just a little bump' or similar, and chivvy them along. If it was clearly a bigger bang which hurt we do cuddles and kiss it better but only fairly short lived unless they really aren't calming down. I think in essence your reaction needs to be proportionate to the injury. They need to develop some resilience and not have every little bump treated like a major event but equally obviously need to know you're there when they have hurt themselves.

blobby10 · 10/07/2023 11:19

We used to have a lot of ' Rub it and say Ouch' then a magic mummy kiss would make it all better. As well as making light of the situation ie oooo that was silly etc. Obviously any blood got treated properly with a plaster and a magic kiss. I was lucky that they never really hurt themselves. They are all adults now and still very much 'Rub it and say ouch' brigade except when they have snapped ankle or knee ligaments whilst playing rugby!

Bunny2021 · 10/07/2023 11:20

I fall into the 'not making a big deal out of it' camp. Obviously if it's a hard fall, or obvious that they're hurt, I will give cuddles etc.

Both DH and I have seen our siblings with their DCs, where the DC has been totally fine but an OTT reaction from the parents, results in the tears etc. That's why we've taken the more relaxed approach. Not saying that they are in the wrong at all but we just parent a different way.

bryceQ · 10/07/2023 11:21

My son is non verbal so can't tell me how much it hurts. I normally try to acknowledge that to fall over hurts as if you constantly say you're okay, but the child is feeling pain that's a confusing message for them. I give a cuddle and say its normal to fall over, and it can hurt but you will be okay.

Catspyjamas17 · 10/07/2023 11:21

I would just wait and see how they reacted, and obviously scoop them up with a big hug if they were hurt. If they just trip and get up again I wouldn't say anything.

UnravellingTheWorld · 10/07/2023 13:19

"whoops! Did you have a trip? Up you get" in a lighthearted tone.

I am acknowleding that the event happened, without making it seem like a big deal.

Some parents tend to swoop in with a frantic "are you okay???" that makes the child think they shouldn't be okay, and as a result start crying when actually they aren't really hurt.

I'm not saying my way is the only right way to behave, but my son almost never cries when he falls. So it's working for us. I just want to make him feel like I'm paying attention to him (yes, PFB. Not sorry 😁)

Original poster
Evanna13 · 10/07/2023 13:47

One thing I have noticed if I give sympathy and allow the tears to come when it happens it is soon forgotten about. Otherwise it can come out later in tears or a tantrum.

OP posts:
MaxwellCat · 10/07/2023 14:25

I’ve often found reacting too much makes the child cry more or get more upset so maybe they have too?

Spottypineapple · 10/07/2023 22:10

I wait for her to react and then respond accordingly.

Ranging from no response at all if she just gets up on her own and carries on, to 'whoopsie! Up you get and brush your hands off' To cuddles, acknowledging that must have been scary, and kissing better where she's hurt.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 10/07/2023 22:18

“Uh-oh” for most falls. If they start crying then I’ll ask if they are ok/hurt and if they’d like a cuddle, “can mummy see where you’ve hurt?” I don’t try to minimise when they are hurt so I will say “ooo you really landed hard then” so something similar but I’m trying to not make falling over a big deal, it’s just part of life and especially in this age bracket they often do get right back up again.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/07/2023 22:20

ZacharinaQuack · 10/07/2023 09:23

I tend not to react too much unless DS has actually hurt himself. I go 'whoops!' or 'uh-oh, you just went splat! That was a surprise!' (he's 2 - I'm not a total idiot). Then he gets up by himself. We've trained ourselves not to make a big deal out of it because he very rarely does hurt himself, but if we make a fuss he is likely to cry. If we don't, he doesn't think it's worth crying about and doesn't get upset.

I love 'you just went splat' 😂😂😂

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/07/2023 22:22

Have you seen that video when parents fake bump a child's head by knocking on the door behind them and then going 'oh no poor baby' and most of the time the child starts crying as they hear the parents reaction so assume that they are hurt and should be worried, even though they didn't even touch the door!

RainbowZebraaaa · 10/07/2023 22:24

I think it's important to respond to how they react rather than jumping in before they have reacted. They may be fine in which case I say something like uh oh you fell over, up you get. If they are hurt I'll say oh no you are hurt and comfort them.

I see some parents who jump in to comfort and pick them up before they have even let the child react to what's happened and I think that bad because it's basically telling the kid how to react.

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 10/07/2023 22:36

Something along the lines of come on up you get (whilst helping them up), let’s have a look. Then if the blood is oozing and they start howling a cuddle and off to clean them up. If they’re ok just carry on and a quick cuddle if they want.
My two are forever falling over atm.

Rubycoola · 10/07/2023 22:36

My son is 2.5 and gets offered a hug and a kiss better even if it's a tiny bump of his foot or hand. I'm not a tough love kind of person at all.

He laughs most of his bumps off and isn't a huggy snuggly kind of kid - I hope it's because he feels secure that comfort is always there when needed!

When he does cry (very rarely) I never say anything like 'oh you're fine, no need to cry.' I give him a big old cuddle and ask him to show me where it hurts and I kiss it better. This is enough to calm him down and off he goes again!

I might be different with a child of different temperament, who knows. But while he's little, he can have as much kindness and love as I can give! And when he's older, as much as I'm allowed to give!!

Rubycoola · 10/07/2023 22:43

Just read my post back and it sounds mad. I don't follow him around offering kisses and cuddles for everything but if he bumps his foot and shows me, even if I know.hes not hurt, ill offer comfort. Sometimes he just wants a hug, most of the time, the acknowledgement is enough!

I'm.not a crazy helicopter parent honestly! 😁