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Grandparents overstepping

64 replies

Purplebluetiles · 07/07/2023 15:30

Does anyone have any advice on how to ignore grandparents and relatives overstepping with baby? It's really making me feel depressed. It started when I was pregnant insisting that I didn't need to buy a baby bath. I know people have opinions, but suggesting something and getting upset when someone doesn't take your advice is another thing. I'm breastfeeding and they consistently let me know he's not getting enough, they constantly ask me why I'm not bringing him downstairs when I'm just trying to bond with him and feed him. They shout up the stairs:"Where's my baby?" It's too much and it's causing problems between me and my partner. My sister said it's my baby and I shouldn't have to explain anything I'm doing in terms of raising him. It's so difficult because when I try to stand up for myself, they get so upset and act as if I'm the most insulting lady in all the land 😞

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ChocBananaSmoothie · 11/07/2023 09:45

What life decisions can you make for a baby that age? He'll make his own decisions when he's old enough MIL!

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Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 09:47

@Cornishclio I really appreciate this. I think that's a massive issue with them, they wanted another baby after their 3rd and never had one. You're so right, they definitely need to understand boundaries more but I do appreciate how much they love him.

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Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 09:53

@CurlewKate I understand where you're coming from, my own Mum is like this and I don't really mind it because it's just her way. But OH's parents are different. I was stroking DS head yesterday because he was a bit under the weather and OH's Mum told me to "leave the baby alone." The hat thing is just a small example of how there's literally always something being commented on. She checks what I'm feeding him at breakfast lunch and dinner. She used inspect him in the morning and asks why are his eyes heavy. I never ever burped him correctly in her eyes and she never respected how many blankets I would have on him when he was born. So much so that he was sweating buckets one day which is really scary. I do get what you mean, it's lovely that they're loved but this woman gets way way too overly attached. She used to mind kids for a living and she would overstep boundaries with the kids parents too. Her way or the highway.

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Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 09:55

@CattingAbout thank you, that really makes so much sense. I think keeping replies short is a great idea and will stop me from getting upset because that's no good for DS. You're so right actually, things might be better in a different environment ☺️

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Original poster
Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 09:57

@ChocBananaSmoothie I know right 🙈 she had to oversee every single thing we bought him and wants to pick his school, his doctor the whole shebang 😅

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ChocBananaSmoothie · 11/07/2023 10:11

What you describe goes beyond overstepping to me. It's just inappropriate for them to tell you to leave your baby alone when you're just showing him affection, or to want to pick his doctor and school. Maybe MIL needs to be reminded it's not her baby?

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Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 10:23

@ChocBananaSmoothie Fact! It's gone to a whole other level now and I think she's gotten away with so much that now she can do whatever. Being told to "give him some medicine when you go upstairs" and things like that is driving me slowly insane 😂

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Jellycats4life · 11/07/2023 10:30

I was stroking DS head yesterday because he was a bit under the weather and OH's Mum told me to "leave the baby alone."

That’s actually quite disturbing. She’s so jealous of your status as mother that she’s actually rather you deny him your comfort when he’s ill.

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Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 11:39

@Jellycats4life it really is isn't it! I thought this too, she's way too attached and that was really taking it a step too far 😓

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excelledyourself · 11/07/2023 12:53

What did you say to her when she told you to leave the baby alone??

I hope it was "No, you leave us both alone", but I assume it wasn't.

How often are you currently seeing this awful woman/couple?

Ossoduro2 · 11/07/2023 13:02

Do you live with her or is this stuff just happening when she visits? If so, how often does she visit?

boymumma1923 · 11/07/2023 16:10

Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 09:53

@CurlewKate I understand where you're coming from, my own Mum is like this and I don't really mind it because it's just her way. But OH's parents are different. I was stroking DS head yesterday because he was a bit under the weather and OH's Mum told me to "leave the baby alone." The hat thing is just a small example of how there's literally always something being commented on. She checks what I'm feeding him at breakfast lunch and dinner. She used inspect him in the morning and asks why are his eyes heavy. I never ever burped him correctly in her eyes and she never respected how many blankets I would have on him when he was born. So much so that he was sweating buckets one day which is really scary. I do get what you mean, it's lovely that they're loved but this woman gets way way too overly attached. She used to mind kids for a living and she would overstep boundaries with the kids parents too. Her way or the highway.

Does your OH say anything to her? She sounds like a very overbearing narcissistic person. I would cut her out but I know that would be difficult. The more I'm reading your replies the more appalled I'm getting. This woman sounds seriously toxic.

I really do hope that you can stand up to her sooner rather than later. I hope you and your OH are on the same page too and you both put on a united front.

Have you now moved and have your own house or are you currently still living with her?

Alway1insomethingstat · 11/07/2023 23:10

Purplebluetiles · 11/07/2023 08:30

@Alway1insomethingstat it's my partner's parents and whenever he tries to say anything they ask him if he's ok and why is he being so disagreeable 🤣 full blown narcissism which most overstepping grandparents suffer from anyways 😅 You're so right, it's definitely not needed post partum!

You’ve gotta nip this in the bud.
time for your partner to step the hell up

sending you strength! X

Original poster
Purplebluetiles · 04/09/2023 17:40

Hi all, just wanted to give an update. I'm so late in replying I actually couldn't access my account 😅 thank you all for your advice, OH has stepped up and explained we have boundaries that need to be respected. It was met with "I can't even enjoy my grandchild" and other such things but I'm choosing to ignore it for our LO and my own peace of mind lol 💞💞

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