My DD is 7, split from her dad when she was 3. He started off with a 50/60 split but this has now gone to every other weekend and no other contact in between (his choice).
The last 6 months she has refused to go see him. I've tried to support both of them, I never say for him not to try and collect her and I allow him to come and try and talk her round. Sometimes she point blank refuses to get in the car, others she goes but then has to come home a few hours later as she's upset or makings things miserable for his family. She will not stay under any circumstances and refuses to try. Because I never tell him not to come (this wouldn't be fair) it can mean he's turning up on 'his weekends' up to six times a weekend, I can't fault him for not giving up but it's distressing for her which is in turn distressing for me and it also means our whole weekends are around his plans and when he wants to come try again. I also don't want to see my ex six times in 48 hours. Where do I stand with this? I don't ever want to look like I'm refusing him access but is it reasonable to expect me to facilitate this many visits over 48 hours and also is it fair on DD when it's causing so much distress?
This leads me to another issue. A year ago it was agreed her dad would have her for a week in the summer holidays to go away. The first time he'd have had her this long. As she hasn't stayed overnight with him for the last six months I just can't see how it's rationale to think this can still go ahead. How do I broach this subject without looking confrontational? I really don't want to fall out with my ex and I want to be reasonable at all times but I feel like the lines blurred sometimes between doing what's right to keep the peace and what's right DD. She also refuses to eat anything when with him, I believe as a way of control (although he won't see that). A week away would be a disaster but I can't just allow him to turn up and try as if she doesn't go I need to plan childcare around work. I was thinking of also offering no maintenance to be paid the month of the holiday to cover the costs of her place (uk break in families accommodation).
Does anyone have any advise on if it's reasonable to ask for him to only try and take her say twice on his weekend rather than expecting me to be in the entire time for when it suits him to come back and how to broach the holiday without looking obstructive? There is no court order in place and I've tried to speak to her both with ex present and separately about what's causing this refusal but she just says she's happier at home.