You know when you're cross with your children IN PUBLIC, do you shout at them IN PUBLIC or do you just hiss?

[Twiglett]

?

I agree with pointydog.

I shout, but muted. If you heard how loud my natural voice was, and then heard my proper full on shout , most of YOU would be frightened

I do the look, counting, squeeze their hand and then if neccessary bend down to their level and have a 'quiet word/growl!'

I would like to apologise to my fellow shoppers in Exeter Marks and Spencer yesterday if I scared anyone yesterday by using my patented controlled-but-furious voice on DD2 when she threw a public strop. The words little madam were used and also bad attitude. (She is 8 btw) They were, IMHO, entirely justified, and even if a large audience had happened to gather around us, I think they would have agreed that my request for an immediate apology was not unreasonable.

People always comment on how calmly I handle DS, but on the inside I am furious. I suppose I have loads of experience with handling him and tantrums in public! It might also help that I work with kids.

I have seen people handle situations in all different ways and I have to say the worst way I have even seen it handled is when the parent starts shouting and swearing at the poor child. It makes me feel so as surely no child deserves that.

it's the 'as surely no child deserves that' attitude that bothers me most in other people

because to be perfectly honest even though I wish I didn't shout today, I did .. but looking back I think it was more than deserved by the behaviour exhibited by my child

so this whole 'poor child' attitude sticks in my throat .. sometimes it should be 'poor parent' if you ask me

and yes I know we're the adults but it's swung far too far

lol..it depends mostly I just do the face...if the face doesn't work I do the teacher...'How dare you!' in a firm voice they usually start to get embarrassed...but I do the ignoring sometimes too..lol

I just don't like to see a parent swearing at their child...once I saw a mother tell her 3yr old to shut the fuck up!..anything else goes imo...once I saw I woman pull down her sons pants at the checkout...I was chuckling...bet she was hot as hell poor thing...but he did get a warning..lol

I don't swear at my children (just about them out of hearing )

But what could any child do that warrants being sworn at?
I'm talking about pre-school age child.

I was reacting to the 'shouting' part tbh

I always shout at my kids , I like to show them who is boss!
But, I would never swear at them. If I did, I am just showing that this is an acceptable way to behave to people which imo, is wrong.

I shout yes, and actually it helps because a) it makes me feel better and parenting is hard and b) my DS is autistic, so he often behaves badly in public and people give me stares as if to say "there you go , another terrible out-of-control mum" - because they don't understand that he's not naughty, he's autistic. I find if I shout at him "don't you dare have a tantrum, I won't stand for it" - it keeps the tutting bystanders at bay, plus it shocks him into behaving (you have to exaggerate emotions to communicate with him, as he doesn't understand subtle emotions). So if you see a mum shouting at her son who appears to be a naughty brat, it could be me and he isn't!!

I have my Joyce Grenfell voice which is quite loud and high and very very posh.
'Dd would you kindly refrain from carrying out that assault upon the poor man's fresh produce. Move along now to the front of the till, move along now. Further, further, I have never been so embarrassed by such a child. You would never behave in such a frightful fashion elsewhere, move along again please, so kindly stop behaving like this in here. Return those Starburst to the lady's display please or the police will attend to talk to you about thieving."
Really, I do talk to them like that. I can even feel my nostrils 'flexing' as I go into character.

When I actually do shout it is utterly terrifying.

I have made two fighting 16 year old boys jump apart by the shear volume of my voice!

I too have the look.........which will progress to the stare...........then quickly followed by the whisper in the ear, "if you do not stop doing what you are doing right now I will make an absolute show of you and I do not care who is watching" that usually works..

We usually get as far as the stare....I like to "frogmarch" too that difuses a situation very quickly and requires absolutely no talking on my part but my two are getting a little too big for that now

I have shouted in the past....but i fond that if you shout straight away you have absolutely nowhere to go as you are already at peak volume level iyswim.......so although i feel like screaming i try not to, and yes twigg i completely agree, sometimes it should be poor mums etc, kids can be a serious test of your sanity

I swear at mine too - it helps me not go mad with the stress of it all. But my DD is very sensible and knows not to use the f word herself, and my DS is autistic and very speech delayed so does not use it for other reasons. Boy does it make me feel better though! If I'm in public I do tend to whisper the actual swear words as in "if you don't shut the f up, I will be cancelling every playdate you have booked till the end of time". Well let's face it, just because we became mums we didn't also become saints!

I get as close as possible and talk veeeeeeeery slowly and quietly. If poss, I find a private place to go through the rules.

If I raise my voice it's because I've lost it, not because I think it will do any good and I try to get hold of myself asap!

I have a look complete with raised eyebrows. Then i talk very quietly, very slowly and using their name first
Then i remove.

[email protected] have never sworn in public...but when I'm at home I say 'You know you are truly PISSIN ME OFF NOW!or your are getting on MY PISSIN NERVES!...I hardly say the F...but when I do they know its on!..lol

hehehe! I have been trying for the last 4 years to perfect THE LOOK that my school-teacher mum used to do on me, but not quite there yet. And yes, with me, the look usually goes with the menacing hiss, sometimes accompanied by the firm arm squeeze, whilst eyeball to eyeball with said delinquent child. I do sometimes explaining myself in a loud voice, ostensibly to dd, but mainly to let the nosey onlookers know why I have my child in this vulcan death-grip. "The reason I am angry with you is that I have already told you FIVE TIMES not to headbutt your sister" That also helps with the child-pitiers. But I also have a scary shouty voice which I mostly keep for the dogs, but sometimes lose the plot and use it on the kids

i do remember on one occasion going to a friends withh DD (then 5)

I was trying my best to keep it together and DD was on top form....oh she was pressing buttons left, right and centre

Well she got the look, she got the darling please dont bounce on the settee, please stop doing this, oh i am sorry was that expensive .

Anyway I couldnt get out of there fast enough I had kept a lid on it in my friends house.........gets in the car

DD turns round to me and says "oh your getting all cross with me now!!!! you didnt want to do it in your mates but its ok now is it??" OMG someone take this child away from me now!!!

Most of the time I can get them to behave by talking to them and telling them what they will miss out on if they are naughty etc BUT when none of that works then I do get cross and I am nto afraid to discipline them. I think that how you tell them off depends on the situation, if they are going to hurt themselves or someone else then you might have to shout if it is an imediate issue.

I use what DS refers to as the 'nasty quiet cold voice', and the teacher look. I have also been known to mimic his behaviour if he is being a pain in public, which soon stops him as he gets really embarrassed, especially if any of his school friends are about.