You know when you're cross with your children IN PUBLIC, do you shout at them IN PUBLIC or do you just hiss?

[Twiglett]

?

I only shout if they're running off.
Otherwise I'll firmly take them to one side and hiss or growl.

I'm trying to master the way my dad used to click his finger really loudly and then point at you with a glare. That alone used to bring us in line pretty quickly!

I did the shouty whisper "I don't care who....." thing the other day and a grown man in his mid 40s said " god....that scared me!"

I was a bit embarrassed actually....

I seem to have lost my ability to be scary and replaced it with an ability to be ignored

Sorry, meant to say v. good points about embarrassment factor from Pointy Dog and ignoring from Pruners.

I can plot an almost direct correlation between how dd and I are getting on at home (ie how shouty and impatient I've been) with how well she responds to me in public. If we are going through one of our "embattled" phases at home (usually because I've chosen my battles unwisely) then she is much less likely to respond/less quick to respond to me when we are out. 'Tis something I'm working on ....

my mum used to stand on our foot. that was definitely the time to stop!

LOL at your mum standing on your foot

Key, I think, is for them to know that being out in public does not exempt them from whatever dicipline you run as a family.

I loath it when children use being in public as a licence to act in a way that they would never be allowed to in the house, IYSWIM

oh, don't get me wrong just because it works when we're out doesn't mena it does when we're home.

I might as weell not exist when were at home.

{smile} only when we were old enough that it wouldn't hurt! dont want anyone to think my mum was some evil foot-breaker!

Respect to MB for removing them from parties on occasion ....

[wish you had been the other parent present at a particularly disastrous play-date the other day ....]

It was a long time ago, and it only ever (needed to) happen once.

DD was out of control, I warned her, she got worse. I took her home. She screamed all the way home and for around 30 minutes after we got home. (was about 4.5 at the time)

It never, ever happened again.

I hiss and use low menacing tones, remove if necessary.

I have resorted ONCE to shouting and ranting very loudly in front of all their friends when I had been completely ignored several times. Wasn't particularly proud of it, and I'm sure all the said friends told their parents how evil I am... but damn it was effective .

I do 'the look' and 'the hand squeeze'

DS1 gets the 'firm grip' on the arm, which he recognises as a sign that he's in big trouble.

firm voice

and
THE LOOK

However, really shouted at the dogs the other day..is that bad too? Are people judging me?

depends. on a lot of things.

I become ominously quiet with a rather menacing look and pursed lips.

Ds[10] knows instantly he's over-stepped the mark.

I don't hiss or shout now - but I expect at some point I must have done when they were smaller.

Its funny as they get older you don't have to say anything, infact asking them if they need to go to the toilet can make them give you "the look".

If dds get out of hand I threaten to give them a big hug and a kiss and the thought of such an embarrasment public show, stops them in their tracks.

I don't think being out in public should ever be an excuse for not exercising discipline.

But I also think I should avoid shouting in public out of consideration for other people.

Funnily enough, I don't really feel the two have to be contradictory. Tbh I have never found shouting is such an essential part of discipline. It's more a relief to my feelings.

If I had to shout, then they know I don't embarrass easily, but in fact it's almost easier to make them obey without shouting. I have been practising the look assiduously for many years. That and the firm grip. And removal from situation.

I used to be a supply teacher in some pretty rough schools, where physical punishment was not an option and shouting only made you seem out of control. So I had already practised the look and the ominously quiet voice before dd was even born.

Talk through gritted teeth. If they don't take any notice then it is the silent treatment and exit the situation.

I also count and rarely get to 5.

I agree if they are misbehaving in public they need to be told the same as you would at home.

i start off with the look, then progress to the hiss, followed closely by the growl, then the growl through gritted teeth accompanied by the look, before the wild eyed almost a scream.

.....all to absolutely no avail

but counting usually works.