Worried about leaving DD16 on her own for three days

[SheerLucks]

First of all let me say that my first choice is that I stay instead...

We have a dilemma. Our family of four are due to go to a cottage in Dorset with extended family from this Thursday to Sunday. We've been complete numpties and forgotten about what to do about our two cats!

DD16 said a few days ago that she didn't really want to go as she wants to get fit for her upcoming prom after spending months sedentary, either revising for or sitting her GCSEs, which ended last Friday.

DS19 really wants to go and DH really wants me there so thinks the ideal scenario is that DD stays at home as she's not keen anyway. DD is "thinking about it" but I think it's too long and I should stay home instead, but I'm coming up with real resistance from DH and DS!

WWYD?

Can you not pay one of DDs friends too see to the cats

OR let a friend of DD stay with her

I agree about asking a friend to stay with her, is that an option?

Neighbour comes in and feeds cats surely?

How far away are you going and how sensible do you consider DD to be?

Thinking back to being that age, it was quite common for me/friends to be home alone for a weekend.

I was definitely doing some things my parents wouldn't approve of, some peers were doing far worse things that even I didn't approve of, and others were much more sensible than all of us and would have just had a friend round for pizza and a film or two. All of us were OK, depending on what your definition of ok is!

But also, my friend signed up to an app that gets her hired as a cat sitter/to go and feed people's cats. Or do you have neighbours? Cat flap? Those timed feeding bowls?

Would DD have her own room in the cottage? Space for a friend to go off and do fitness things with?

My dd has also just finished her GCSEs. I would leave her for a night but not three. I'd say it depends on your support system though.

Do you know your neighbours and could she go to them in an emergency, that sort of thing.

I'd pay for a cat feeder and all go.

Noway would ihave left my 16 year old. The parties ....., The boys ...

Nope. Put an ad on your local Facebook groups asking for a trusted cat sitter. Who will feel your cats while you are away. (Don't put the actual dates on FB for security reasons )

Can’t you get a pet sitter to come in and feed the cats? Your dd might decide come with you in the end!

I think a responsible 16 yr old would be fine for 3 days, mind you. I remember one holiday, the start of which clashed with a party ds2 (16) was going to. He stayed at home so he could go to the party the day after we left. He had two nights at home alone. He had to then organise himself and make travel arrangements, secure the house, and get himself down to the depths of Devon. He managed fine!

I stayed at home with our dog at the same age whilst my parents went away Monday to Friday. I lived both the responsibility and the freedom. You know your DD but I don't see any reason in principle why it wouldn't be fine.

I can leave my cats for 4 nights happily. They have 2 large bowls of dry food and water left, 2 litter trays and also a feeder for meat from argos that drops amounts at certain times. Anything over 4 nights my mam will pop the 20mins and sort them. Done it for years with various cats and they get free run of the house as always. Then as soon as I get back litter trays washed and put away as they go back to being able to go out

i wouldn’t leave a 16 year old that long, I presume she’s just finished year 11 if she’s off. I’d sort the cats personally. Leave them with food and water and come back Saturday night?

As she doesn't want to go and thinks she would be OK I would be fine but only if there is family/friends close by she could contact if need be though

Thanks for all the helpful advice so far!

We live in an apartment block in a big city and know a few of our neighbours in the building well, so I'm going to message a couple of them to ask if they would be ok with DD contacting them if there were any issues.

DD also has a lot of friends she can contact too, although she's a bit of an introvert, so not likely to invite a big group round.

I don't think leaving the cats with a sitter or on their own with a stranger popping in for feeds would work though, so one of us would need to be here unfortunately. The cats are just coming up to age one and two, and are adored little princes (despite us forgetting to arrange care!) and I think would freak if left on their own or with a stranger

The daughter having a friend over and a list of people she can contact in an emergency sounds like the best option.
Good for her wanting to get fit!

i left my 16yo dd alone for 3 nights at half term when we went camping. She was more than happy to get out of camping and stay to look after the cat. I ordered her a takeaway and she was living her best life! My mum and dad were only a 5 minute drive away should she need anything.
I think it’s fine if they’re happy and you trust them not to do anything daft.

If she’s NT and not completely wild, she should be fine surely? It’s not unusual to be left for a few days at that age - you can leave home if you want..

She could have a friend to stay if she wants but otherwise I’d leave her to it, having issues a dire warning about parties and reminded her she needs to text once a day.

You have to start to let them go..

How far away will you be?

In a couple of years she might be living alone permanently. If she's sensible and trustworthy, 4 days sounds reasonable. I'd help her make a plan, e.g. make sure there is food she can cook in the fridge, that she has access to money, and have a think about local people who she could contact for help if something went wrong.

I'm starting to feel a bit more relaxed now from these helpful posts - thank you!

TBH I was hoping to get a deluge of "Don't do it!" responses, as I would have loved four days of just me and the cats, but hey ho!

I think as long as DD feels comfortable (and I will show her these responses) then we will let her stay on her own, acting on the advice you've all given.

She’s 16. I lived alone at 16. I think three days is absolutely manageable. Make sure she’s got plenty of food in and knows who to call in an emergency, then leave her to it.

I think sometimes we do our kids a disservice. I was a mature student at uni, but I remember meeting people who didn’t know how/were incredibly anxious about doing basic everyday things like their laundry or calling their doctor to make an appointment. It’s normal and in fact desirable for teens to experience independence and responsibility before they move out to uni, then they’re prepared for it.

I was more sensible at 16 than I was at 21, and your daughter has asked herself to be trusted to look after the cats and do her own thing rather than go away - I think it is great plus she has good neighbours to rely on to boot. I actually think it is really good thing - establishing this sort of independence and trustworthiness at 16 gives you and them something - she will be more than capable and it will stand for good stead in the future. She will have a grand time as long as there is plenty of food in the fridge, and money thrown for treats, and a phone line to you, and someone to go to in an emergency. If you have got routines that you do last thing at night (like locking the doors, turning lights off etc. ) then it is worth going through these with her as they don't always know. You are sort of fortunate in that you have one responsible child. I have four children (all slightly older than your daughter) and that muddies the water so much with everyone accusing everyone else about leaving the door open, leaving a mess in the kitchen, people inviting people back, not taking care of the pet (one bloody rabbit !!). Whereas I know they won't throw a massive party (luckily they don't get along well enough to enable that !! and they know I would go completely postal if they did) one sensible sixteen year old is sometimes a blessing. Enjoy your time away, and I am sure your daughter will too xxx

Aww thank you! This is very reassuring!!

DD16 said a few days ago that she didn't really want to go as she wants to get fit for her upcoming prom after spending months sedentary, either revising for or sitting her GCSEs, which ended last Friday

Agree with all previous posters but ….. do either of you really think she’s going to negate months of non-fitness in 3 days? That’s one of the barmiest excuses I’ve heard.

I feel silly for quoting the entire previous post but can't read the poster's name as my eyesight is so bad at this late hour!

@HeddaGarbled what DD meant was that she would rather spend the time while we're away using the gym that doubles up as my DH's office (bizarrely!).