8 year old giving up her hobbies

[Piplette]

Not sure if this is a cause for concern or not as when I was her age I didn't have hobbies.

DD has had several hobbies over the years - she went to dancing from age 2 to 5 then COVID hit and she didn't want to go back

She went to swimming lessons but was making zero progress in either group or private lessons so we stopped and decided to give it a break.

She's just asked to give up gymnastics which she's attended for 4 years (albeit with a break during COVID) because her friend is giving up.

She's also just asked to give up her skating lessons as she doesn't like them (this is after about 2 years).

The only thing she will still attend is Brownies but that only runs during school sessions.

She's very sociable, has loads of friends, does ok in school etc. All of her friends participate in numerous clubs/activities and I can't help but worry that she'll regret not having found something she's passionate about - I'd always hoped she'd find something she loved and stick to it - would maybe even keep her out of trouble in the teenage years. It's also great during the winter to have something other than school to focus on.

I've offered up other suggestions - netball, football, chess, tennis, choir etc - she's got no interest. She's shown slight interest in swimming again although that just feels like burning money as she can technically swim but just faffs about.

Should I keep encouraging her to find something or just leave her be (she's very passive and unlikely to ask or suggest a hobby).

Why don’t you give her a six month break and don’t mention extra curriculars in that time. Then in the autumn you could ask if she wants to join something again and look into some options together, a friends daughter has just started a sewing class.

Would she be interested in Latin/Ballroom dancing?
My niece started lessons when she was of similar age, and she loves it. Niece is now 13 and competing in pro/ am tournaments and doing very well.

We've discussed taking a break over the summer then seeing how she feels when the schools go back. I think she might realise quickly that her friends are less available as they have lots of clubs/hobbies but I also don't want her to just pick something because her friends do it as that's what has happened with gymnastics.

She hates dancing - doesn't like any attention on her and stresses about the thought of having to perform in a show.

It's interesting as her 3 year old sister is the opposite - she wants to do all the hobbies and loves it regardless of whether her friends do it or not!

Was she doing swimming, gymnastics, skating and Brownies at the same time? That's a lot!
Agree with pp, give it a break and don't mention it. She doesn't HAVE to do any clubs/lessons. My son has shown no interest in anything extra curricular and I'm not going to force him.
You might find she is happier without the classes and may find a new interest or revisit something when she's older.

It's a tricky one OP, but from my experience of having two DDs with very different interests and hobbies, they both went through phases of being very dedicated and then not wanting to bother. One of mine had played football from the age of 5, and dragged us all over the county rain or shine to play. When she was 11 she suddenly didn't want to do it anymore and no amount of encouragement worked. I must admit we did feel like we'd failed and felt disappointed in her giving up something that she had loved so much.

Anyway, a few years later she suddenly wanted to pick it up again, and now, at 17, is still playing, both at college and in a local team.

Other DD was dance mad and again did exams, shows etc etc. Once again her interest wained at about 12 years old and she stopped. She still does dance at school but is happy with this and doesn't want to do anything further.

Sorry that's a bit long winded but I guess what I can offer from my experience is that sometimes they will come back to something later, and sometimes not. We've tried to encourage rather than push, and in my experience if they find something they really love then they'll want to do it when it's right for them. And if they don't, then you probably are on a hiding to nothing trying to make them.

I’m quite hardcore but everyone in our house had to have a sport and ideally something else.
As it’s developed they kept up sport and nothing else but I wouldn’t have a child doing nothing as they head into teens tweens

Another idea - if she had an afternoon for extra curriculars could you replace that with an afternoon if just you and her? (Or is a sibling always in tow?) go swimmming with no pressure or to the library and a cafe after for cake etc.

Why? Why make them do something if they're not interested? I find it sure fire way of putting them off trying anything if you force them.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this and I think it’s normal to get generall bored of hobbies.

When I was little, I did gymnastics, ballet/modern, karate and piano lessons all at different times. I eventually gave all of them up either because I got bored, or I didn’t want to progress any further (eg had no interest going up on my toes for ballet).

Has she ever tried to learn an instrument?

Paxosnaxos

I'm guessing your children are reasonably good at sport. Would you still insist if they were really bad at it? Poor hand eye coordination, always last to be chosen, collective groan when put into teams or when they drop the ball again. No coordination for gymnastics etc. Or just loathe it?

Probably I'm projecting a bit. My parents paid for four years of tennis coaching but I never progressed beyond the first class as I couldn't master bouncing the ball on the flat racket never mind hit it!

I gave up any extra curricular activities (I didn’t do many) at about this age. I regret it now.

I think in your shoes I’d ask her to pick one to carry on with. And then ask her every 6 months or so whether there is something she might like to sign up for - maybe keep an eye on what her friends do.

Ideally I’d want mine to keep 1 thing that’s active. I wouldn’t push it if they were really miserable or utterly crap but if she’s decent enough at gymnastics or skating and has enjoyed it up until now then I’d give her the choice of which one to continue with, or say she can do swimming or something new instead if she prefers.

All of those are “out of the house” activities. Maybe she just wants to stay home and read books, write stories, build Lego, make jewellery, paint rocks, sew doll clothes, build with Meccano, make an Airfix model, design a dolls house, cook, bake, draw, create a comic…..
All of these are “hobbies”.

No - maximum 3 activities a week. Gymnastics Wednesday and skating and Brownies Friday. Possibly was too much when you factor in after-school club/homework - honestly though this is pretty restrained as her friends are doing 6/7 clubs a week!

That's helpful thank you. I feel she's not really found her thing - and just goes along with either my suggestions or what her friends do.

It is tricky to carve out 121 time unfortunately - her sister is practically glued to her and has major fomo! We do manage occasionally ie school holidays as youngest is still in nursery although when I ask her what she wants to do she'll rarely suggest anything and wants to just chill at home.

She wanted to learn the keyboard. Asked for one for Christmas - it's barely been touched. Same when her sewing machine and kit. She'll possibly show and interest if I suggest it but never off of her own back.

That's my worry. I didn't really have any - it wasn't part of my childhood probably due to lack of money but I so wish I'd had the chance to pick up a hobby at a young age and pursue it into adulthood.

What about learning an instrument? It’s different from the other things as it would be a 1-1 with a teacher and then solo practice at home (for a while anyway, until she is good enough to play in a group) so might give her some more space if she’s finding all the group activities a bit tiring. And there are so many massive benefits to learning an instrument and so many different ones that every child has the potential to find their thing if they have the chance.

Maybe give her time to realise what being bored means!?

Has she ever had proper lessons? It can be very overwhelming to just jump straight in without a tutor or someone in the know helping to guide you. There are plenty of adults who would struggle to learn an instrument or to sew without any guidance.

She has discovered a love of reading but her passion for sewing/Lego/keyboard etc were very short lived. She's one of those really wafty kids who just does everything on an even keel and doesn't seem to get very excited or passionate about anything.

No - I offered but no interest. She doesn't like being assessed or being the centre of attention so I think the idea of it stresses her out.