8 year old giving up her hobbies

[Piplette]

Not sure if this is a cause for concern or not as when I was her age I didn't have hobbies.

DD has had several hobbies over the years - she went to dancing from age 2 to 5 then COVID hit and she didn't want to go back

She went to swimming lessons but was making zero progress in either group or private lessons so we stopped and decided to give it a break.

She's just asked to give up gymnastics which she's attended for 4 years (albeit with a break during COVID) because her friend is giving up.

She's also just asked to give up her skating lessons as she doesn't like them (this is after about 2 years).

The only thing she will still attend is Brownies but that only runs during school sessions.

She's very sociable, has loads of friends, does ok in school etc. All of her friends participate in numerous clubs/activities and I can't help but worry that she'll regret not having found something she's passionate about - I'd always hoped she'd find something she loved and stick to it - would maybe even keep her out of trouble in the teenage years. It's also great during the winter to have something other than school to focus on.

I've offered up other suggestions - netball, football, chess, tennis, choir etc - she's got no interest. She's shown slight interest in swimming again although that just feels like burning money as she can technically swim but just faffs about.

Should I keep encouraging her to find something or just leave her be (she's very passive and unlikely to ask or suggest a hobby).

Some kids take a while to find their thing. My DD was similar in not wanting too much focus on them. We did musical theatre, karate, swimming, scouts, trampolining.... Then had a horse riding lesson and that was that....

I was never bothered if they found their 'thing' . I didn't have one but I can see it's getting DD through the teen years!

@Piplette what’s wrong with being into something for a little while and then trying something different.
I go through phases of being into different things, enjoying something for a while but then it can fizzle out. Sometimes I come back to it, sometimes it was just a fleeting interest.
She’s 8. She doesn’t need to commit her life to something just yet.

I think with piano / keyboard you wouldn't get very far without lessons (not that I'm suggesting you push it after your considerable efforts).

I don't think extracurriculars are a must, and she has tried quite a lot. I would leave it for a year and see if something emerges.

As an alternative, why not sometimes try new things together as a one off? Kayaking, horse-riding, clay sculpture, crochet, whatever. She might 'strike lucky' and find a passion. If not you have both had fun trying. Not doing a club makes more time and space for you to do something as a family or mum-DD duo.

Has she tried team sports like cricket, football or netball? I'd take her along and if she's sociable she would probably enjoy doing a sport with.others rather than alone.

We are having similar with our daughter. She wants to give up gymnastics, but it's the only club she does that isn't term time only or tide dependant.

On one hand I think great, saves me some money every month. On the other, I worry about her spending evening after evening either on the iPad or watching tv. She does plenty of reading, drawing etc, but does need encouragement to not have the tv/iPad as her default activity.

We came to a compromise, and she will be continuing with gymnastics until September. If she still isn't wanting to do it any more we'll find something else. Everything I suggest gets rejected though.

OP, you say that you don't want her to pick something just because her friends do it, but I don't see why that is a problem? I think it's completely normal, and she's more likely to enjoy something when her friends are there too. My DD is the same, she's now 15yo and plays sport to county level but the social side of it is still really important to her!

She's one of those really wafty kids who just does everything on an even keel and doesn't seem to get very excited or passionate about anything.

I would call that an “all rounder”. She doesn’t have to have one special passion, many people don’t abd prefer a little bit of everything.

I wonder if she is going off her activities because many of them get a bit more serious and demanding at this age - exams, competitions/matches, performances etc kick in, rather than just having fun. As you said she doesn’t like pressure. Perhaps picking a less competitive/pressured activity, and/or a club that takes it less seriously, might help? I know sports clubs vary hugely in how pushy they are.

Nothing wrong with this at all. It's something I'd encourage but we're running out of suggestions and she just seems to not have a passion for anything.

For background she's tried -

Gymnastics
Dancing
Football
Swimming
Roller skating
Ice skating
Horse riding (until recently I owned a horse who was also perfect for her but her interest wained quickly)
Tennis
Chess
Hiking

She briefly mentioned karate but then dropped that. I'm thinking of taking up netball so wondering if she might show an interest in that too.

She tried football and spent the whole time standing chatting with a friend.

Sorry perhaps I should have been clearer - the social side seems to be the only thing she cares about so as soon a friend quits she quits - we've spent about £1k + on gymnastics lessons over the years and she's quit immediately when her friend did because she had no real interest in the sport and just wanted to hang with her friend - which she can do for free most evenings and weekends.

Most of her clubs are based on personal development with limited or no competitions which suits her and definitely nothing has ramped up. She's just not that passionate about them.

My eldest (now 14) pretty similar. Gym, dance, brownies, stagecoach etc all went by the wayside. We continued supporting passing interests cricket, piano,ukulele..

She just liked to read, colour, write endless stories and poems which was and is fine. She is social when she wants to be.

We did insist on keeping karate - it isn't performance or comp focused but was one thing outside of school and exercise related. She didn't love it but didn't actively dislike. She recently got her black belt and assists in teaching the younger classes. The release at secondary of having something outside school and the school group - and to take responsibility I think is really good if you can. Her cousins have it in different ways at the stables, gym, guides, scouts, football coaching etc - I'd find one that doesn't have to be her passion but can form that space if poss.

Meant to add - she doesn't dislike now! From 8-12 it was our encouragement. It is never going to be her future career etc but she enjoys the time now she gets to spend there in a non school group/ family environment.

@Piplette why does she need to have a “passion” for something though. Why can’t she just enjoy what’s going on with her life right now doing a bit of this and a bit of that?
Is she happy? Does she say she is bored?
When I was 8 I had things I loved and enjoyed doing. They were things I enjoyed because I was 8. Some of those things I still love now as an adult. Some I outgrew, some the interest just went away.
It’s a lot of pressure on an 8 year old to make her think she has to have a “thing”. Just let her play. She doesn’t need to be in a club/class to be doing things all the time.

The things she's dropped all I'd say involve some individual attention, dance, gymnastics and skating. Maybe she'd prefer a team sport like soccer or netball. I wouldn't necessarily rule something out off her saying no to things she hasn't tried. Both my DS wanted to play soccer so I told DD I was signing her up too, and she needed to try it for a season and she's having a blast. DD would only be doing one of her three extracurriculars if she'd chosen on her own, but she enjoys the other 2. I think 6-7 days doing activities is too much,

If you feel it's important she does something then I'd be telling her she needs to pick something, maybe after a break for a few months. You could offer her to pick one thing from a list of extracurriculars that fit with your existing weekly commitments. If you want her to do a sport of some kind you could spend some time playing some different sports with her over the summer see if she enjoys any in particular.

She doesn't need a passion for something, a bit of exercise and enjoyment is fine. My DS chats to his friends at football, but I tell him to cut it out, focus on the ball/his coach depending if it's a game or practice and get on with it.