Help please - 2 day old baby and I'm failing

[EvelynSalt]

Hoping desperately for some advice. I have a beautiful newborn baby who fed and slept marvellously in hospital. We are now home and I couldn't put her down even once all night without her getting upset.

She has a really strong startle reflex, but because of the heat I didn't want to swaddle her so she just constantly startled herself. I had her dressed in just a nappy and a short sleeved vest suit.

Would you swaddle anyway, or do babies really need to be unswaddled in such heat? Our bedroom is about 27 degrees.

Help please, I know I need to be realistic about sleep but she seemed so tired and unhappy...and I felt like I didn't know what to do for the best.

Hi
You are not failing. It is a hard learning curve.
I would invest in an air con unit and a bedroom thermometer, not an egg.
You may need to hold your baby for them to sleep. It's just how it is sometimes.
I had to hold my baby for every nap until they were 4 months but they would sleep 6 hours in the crib.
It also takes some practice lowering them down slowly enough.
Try putting your hand on Thier chest after putting them down.
White noise will help too. I recommend getting a machine.
Good luck, do whatever works for you!

I'll also add love to dream do some good thin suits with arms for the reflex you could try if you had a fan or an Aircon.

Congratulations, this completely normal your LO is just waking up to the world. Are you breast or bottle feeding BTW? If breast your milk will likely come in today/ tommorow and she may be more settled after that. 💐

You are not failing. Babies are often sleepy after childbirth and sleep more at the hospital and then are more wakeful when you get home. This is normal, not that you are doing anything wrong. Maybe a light swaddle and try cooling the room down a little? I would try to get them to sleep not always holding them as that can be a hard habit to break.

You are not failing. You're giving your baby what she needs - lots of contact with her mum. These early days are so hard, but you'll get through them. Reach out to anyone you know for help to see if they can watch her in the day so you can catch up on sleep.

Firstly, you’re doing great. The early days and weeks are tough, but they always sleep well in hospital, lure you into a false sense of security. You’re not failing at all. I didn’t swaddle my son (he didn’t like it) but I would give it a go and get a fan. DS was born in a heatwave and still had cold hands/feet wearing just a vest overnight so we used a light blanket too.

(I know cold hands and feet are normal btw). And I also don’t think there’s any harm cuddling LO on day 2/3. Fourth trimester and all that.

You're not failing. Your baby is doing what newborns do (sleep unpredictably - they're often nocturnal - and want cuddles/feeding). You're doing what new mums do (second guess because you want to do your utmost best, feel as though everything is 'wrong' when in fact you're doing an amazing job).

The first few nights are hard. That's because you're both learning. You're probably still exhausted post birth and full of hormones. Give yourself a break!

I had autumn babies so I'm not particularly clued up about swaddling in the heat, however a quick google suggests a light swaddle would be OK (I'd use a sheet or large muslin). You could check with your midwife.

One other thing to consider is that your baby might wake anyway because she wants to cluster feed - newborns are often awake through the night for this reason! Night two, in particular, is notorious for this.

Swaddling isn't actually recommended as the startle reflex is actually a good thing to prevent SIDs. You are not failing, all babies do this when they are still only a few days old, it's perfectly normal. Remember that the baby has been all snuggled in your tummy for the past 9 months, the world is completely foreign to them.

for your lovely baby. You aren’t failing. your baby has just had the big shock of being born and she loves you - you are the only thing she knows so it is natural for things to take a bit of getting used to for her. The heatwave seems to breaking so that will help. Not all babies like swaddling- I had one of each. I used to think of a monkey mummy and what they would do, which is probably a bit weird but we are basically complicated monkeys!

Oh OP you are so so not failing.

It's day 2 - they tend to "wake up" a bit and notice they are not in the womb and not want to leave your arms - at all - for anything. It's a thing. It's not something you've done.

If you want to swaddle you could try that without the vest.

I also found holding them/safe co-sleeping position tends to stop the startle reflex waking them up as well, if you would feel more comfortable doing that. Your body temperature will help regulate LO's, so you can be in skin to skin contact (nappy for baby, bra for you, nothing else on top) and this will help her be comfortable.

Or you can take turns with your partner holding baby and one of you sleeps for 2-3 hours while the other holds her.

If you did want to co-sleep (or if you are scared you will fall asleep, this is the safest way to do it) :

No swaddle - lightly dressed or nappy only (for skin to skin)
Give yourself a bit of space from the edge of the bed, unless you have a bedside cot. Push your duvet down to your legs. A pillow is OK.
Lie down with baby on your chest tummy to tummy. Roll to the side, holding baby on you.
Your lower arm goes straight out at a right angle to your body, making a barrier between the baby and the pillow.
Your upper leg should bend, similar to the recovery position, stopping you from rolling and preventing baby wiggling down.

And cuddling newborns as much as they want is absolutely fine!

Swaddling doesn't cause SIDS, it doesn't stop the startle reflex, it just suppresses it.

You should not use it when co-sleeping but other than this it's perfectly fine and safe to swaddle if you want to.

Or you can take turns with your partner holding baby and one of you sleeps for 2-3 hours while the other holds her. this is what we did OP, mostly me, while DH watched us (while he watched telly), meant we'd get a few solid hours. Google fourth trimester and the witching hour. Get baby used to the bassinet, they will it just takes time and practice. All the best!

Firstly - congratulations on your new baby! you are NOT failing. You are two days post birth and have a newborn. You're doing amazing.. trust me!
Secondly, maybe try swaddle with a large muslin if you want to swaddle. It gets easier OP. Remember you are all your baby knows which can be hard on you when all you need is sleep. Try co sleep if you feel comfortable. If not, try co sleep when your partner is awake to keep a close eye.

https://omahabirthandbabies.com/second-night-syndrome/

look up the fourth trimester. Please cuddle your baby and enjoy it. I promise you can do this!

Just to echo others and send huge hugs. You're not failing. It is beyond exhausting and nothing can prepare you for it but know it is normal and you are doing brilliantly. The main thing is to just be responsive to your baby's needs and as others have suggested, finding strategies to help you survive whilst doing that eg sharing holding overnight etc. Whilst at times it can feel like forever, it will pass.

For some women there is also a pretty severe hormone crash several days after giving birth. I, and many of my friends, had it and spent a few days crying and feeling like I was failing as a parent already - despite doing totally fine looking back. It sounds like your baby is very normal and these few days can just really suck!

You are not failing. This is all very normal... and very hard! Firstly, how are you? How was the birth and how are you feeling? Are you BF or FF? Have you had any sleep yourself yet? Have you managed much to eat and drink? Are you taking some paracetamol regularly?

Get lots of pillows and build them up to make yourself reclined but not flat, and fully supported. Put baby in just a nappy, and yourself topless. Lay baby on your chest, and cover yourselves with a thin sheet or muslin if you need it. It's fine to sleep like this, with baby fully supported by your body.

I think everyone feels like they are failing at 2 days! You aren't though.

I would swaddle with a nappy! My baby loved a swaddle. Just use a 120x120cm muslin.

And yes, what everyone else has said, baby has probably only just realised where they are. Lots of cuddles and take turns so you get some rest.

I remember this so clearly - I was sure that my baby hated me for the first night at home! Some babies need to be held for sleeping, both of mine did, but then grow out of it after a few weeks. Sleeping shifts like PP suggested worked for us, and then safe co-sleeping. You got this, it's not easy but you can do it!

For goodness sake don't be so hard on yourself, your not failing, you've barely started the biggest, hardest, most rewarding job, you'll ever have. Your just learning.

Congratulations!

Baby's are generally very sleepy the first 24hrs, birth is exhausting for you both. Then your hormones start to drop.

I'd try and keep the house as cool as possible, keep the curtains/ blinds closed to stop the sunlight coming in warming it up, use fans, open windows for airflow.

I'd maybe swaddle using a thin sheet rather than a blanket.

Aside from the baby, please look after yourself. As previously mentioned there’s a HUGE hormone shift post delivery, and I was warned about day 5 blues, which hit me like a truck - non stop crying and panic. It didn’t last very long and because I knew to expect it, even in my floods of tears, I was able to think “ah yes! Day 5 crying! This is ok.”

congratulations OP. You’re doing fine x

And you do not need to: get dressed or have a tidy house!

This is completely normal OP. I remember when DC1 was two days old DH phoned a healthcare helpline to ask what we were doing wrong!!