3.5 YO suddenly showing signs of ADHD following arrival of new sibling

[rachel200811]

My 3.5 year old has always been a live wire, but since the arrival of his sibling 8 weeks ago he has had a complete personality transplant. He is acting dangerously, doing things like walking out of the front door, touching things I've told him will hurt him or running into the road. When I try to talk to him or tell him off it's honestly like I don't exist and he's even had a 40 minute night terror incident.

I see the usual signs of new baby jealousy like toilet regression, baby talk and wanting to revisit breastfeeding, but these other behaviors seem severe. He can't even keep his attention of a book without getting distracted by playing or talking or making noise, and he used to love books, two or three a night and 3 months ago he'd listen intently most of the time.

Surely ADHD doesn't appear this fast and is the big change just a coincidence? My first born and I are inseparable, so feeding a newborn on demand and sharing my bed with her is a huge thing for him to accept from me.

Routine is unchanged for him and he's showered with love and affection. We've also brought books on the subject and prepared him best we can. He's included in the daily baby stuff as much as he wants too.

Had anyone been through it? Thanks in advance.

it sounds like he might be trying to think of ways to get your attention. all attention is good attention for kids and they're usually guaranteed to get it when they play up/have tantrums/do what you ask them not to do.

it's a bit transition having a new sibling. hopefully it should die down in a few months. 'I'd recommend carving out alone time with him away from the baby at regular intervals, maybe on a weekly basis

We are all on a bit of a spectrum, we only tend to worry about diagnosing if it is severe enough to interfere with every day life and need extra help.

Where did you get this shit from

I'm sorry OP but ignore this absolute clown

He's just stressed out and trying to regain your attention. His whole world has been turned upside down.

@Newnamenewname109870

We aren't all a bit on the spectrum at all. What BS.

Why is everyone so convinced their child has ADHD?

Mine does and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

OP - it sounds like your child is just trying to get your attention. No, ADHD does not 'appear' that fast. My child was 'not right' from the moment he was born. Having said that, you mention he was always a bit of a live wire and with him being your first, maybe you didn't realise that's not how all kids are. So maybe he does, maybe he doesn't but in the meantime, pay him extra attention and firm up the boundaries and consequences (especially for dangerous behaviour)

And just for anyone reading who is desperate to blame ADHD and will do anything to get a diagnosis and drugs - just a warning. ADHD drugs will make your child's behaviour worse if they don't actually have ADHD, so you may find out the hard way your child actually is just in need of better parenting, boundaries and consequences ( as someone who I know did, after paying for a private diagnosis after school said they didn't and QB test indicated it was a No too)

This. It's classic.

Why was my post deleted?

Presumably because it was ableist crap

Um actually there is a scientific way to look at it. I have a science background thanks. My health visitor even told me just that. It’s an incredible spectrum. I’m having a LOT of related problems with my child which is why I posted, actually.

Excuse me? I was trying to help the op who is having a lot of issues and quite similar to what I was going through. I was trying to say, as I was told, it’s about getting help that works for you which is why I asked how things were with nursery and to speak to the health visitor. The HV can refer for an assessment btw.

I have some serious concerns about my son with adhd/asd and I’ve been told exactly what I posted so I don’t really understand why it was deleted.

Well your HV also talked crap then!

@Newnamenewname109870

I will just keep reporting it. It was ableist shite no matter how you try to put it, so it was deleted. Just as it should have been.

Because it is not true. If you genuinely have concerns for your child then do some reading and research and learn about what you are looking at instead of talking nonsense.

The time of a massive change isn’t the time to start thinking about any additional needs. It’s highly likely it’s just his way of understanding the change goinb on

Because you've repeated something that someone told you, and that person was wrong. We are not all 'somewhere on the spectrum'. To get a diagnosis of any ND condition the symptoms have to be enduring and cause significant difficulty in day to day life.

@Newnamenewname109870 your HV isn't an expert and doesn't know what she's talking about. If your child has SEN you will learn over time to get angry when people say ignorant things. For now, maybe just assume those of us with DC with diagnosed SEN know what we'e talking about.

What was ableist about it? I can see you’re very angry so I’m guessing I touched a nerve in some way!

There is lots of evidence to say both adhd and asd are a spectrum and that is why it can be incredibly hard to diagnose and treat. The child in question might not fit this perfect ‘box’ which is why I said it’s about focussing on the issues at hand as he may not get a diagnosis. And assessment can take years. However it might be worth trying to get a referral all the same.

I’d say keep pushing with nursery (they should have a sendco), HV and all avenues if you can.

@rachel200811 it does sound like he's distressed at having his world change and is pushing boundaries to make sure everything is safe. Just continue to give him lots of positive reinforcement of his sensible behaviours and be neutral about any other behaviour. He'll adjust in time.

It’s is a very big spectrum. Perhaps you need to look more into it. Anyway, I’m sick of getting attacked when I’m trying to help someone. This has actually made me quite tearful so I’m going to leave. I hope you get the help you need op.

No OP, don't jump to ADHD - he is attention seeking and acting up in response to getting a new sibling. Loads and loads of kids do this all the time. Regressing back to babyhood as he sees eat baby getting attention - it's a classic. He will get used to the new baby in time. Make sure he gets 1-1 time with you, plenty of routine and keep any bad behaviour in check.

@Newnamenewname109870 ADHD and ASD may have a spectrum of behaviours and differences, that doesn't mean everyone is on it. Just those with ND are. I have a degree and training and a DD with ADHD, I don't need to research anything. I already know. You don't.

You really need to stop listening to ignorant people. Specialists, peer reviewed studies, qualified people. And parents of kids with SEN.

I have 3 children 'on the spectrum' ranging from special college requiring 1:1 in a secure building, to special school because she can't cope with people, to top sets in all subjects in mainstream but socially difficult. I think I get the spectrum. I've been living the spectrum for over 17 years.