3.5 YO suddenly showing signs of ADHD following arrival of new sibling

[rachel200811]

My 3.5 year old has always been a live wire, but since the arrival of his sibling 8 weeks ago he has had a complete personality transplant. He is acting dangerously, doing things like walking out of the front door, touching things I've told him will hurt him or running into the road. When I try to talk to him or tell him off it's honestly like I don't exist and he's even had a 40 minute night terror incident.

I see the usual signs of new baby jealousy like toilet regression, baby talk and wanting to revisit breastfeeding, but these other behaviors seem severe. He can't even keep his attention of a book without getting distracted by playing or talking or making noise, and he used to love books, two or three a night and 3 months ago he'd listen intently most of the time.

Surely ADHD doesn't appear this fast and is the big change just a coincidence? My first born and I are inseparable, so feeding a newborn on demand and sharing my bed with her is a huge thing for him to accept from me.

Routine is unchanged for him and he's showered with love and affection. We've also brought books on the subject and prepared him best we can. He's included in the daily baby stuff as much as he wants too.

Had anyone been through it? Thanks in advance.

What was ableist about it? I can see you’re very angry so I’m guessing I touched a nerve in some way!

I'm not at all angry, juts pouting out you are talking shit. It's really important.

There is lots of evidence to say both adhd and asd are a spectrum and that is why it can be incredibly hard to diagnose and treat.

Everyone is not on the spectrum, which is what you previously claimed.

The child in question might not fit this perfect ‘box’ which is why I said it’s about focussing on the issues at hand as he may not get a diagnosis. And assessment can take years. However it might be worth trying to get a referral all the same

I wasn't talking about the advice re the child, I was talking about your ableist comment.

@Newnamenewname109870

It’s is a very big spectrum.

No.

Perhaps you need to look more into it.

You are the one who needs to 'look more into it'

Anyway, I’m sick of getting attacked when I’m trying to help someone.

You are snot being attacked you are being told the same thing, repeatedly, because you keep posting the offensive ableist comments. Perhaps if you took it on board??

OP I'm really sorry this has happened on your thread and that the person responsible didn't accept they were wrong in spite of their post being deleted.

It is highly likely you are seeing behavioural changes because of the new sibling and hopefully it will settle down soon. It's absolutely fine to be aware and in the look out for any possible ND though.

The spectrum doesn’t mean what you think it means. It isn’t linear from “not autistic” at one end and “very autistic” at the other. You might find this helpful.

The spectrum isn't a line and some people are at the left side some on the right. It's like this pic.

To whoever the uneducated person is and their health visitor (!!j do some proper learning.

My DS has ASD. He is on the autistic spectrum. Neurotypical people (the vast majority) aren’t on the autistic spectrum. HTH.

Look, I’m sorry I used the phrase ‘everyone is on the spectrum’. I can see now that was the phrase that has made me ableist. I take it back. I suppose what I was trying to say is that a lot of people are on the spectrum and a lot of people don’t know. They suffer through life in various ways because they are neurodiverse and often in ways that do not tick the box. I am aware it is not linear! I promise you I am very aware of how complex it is and how difficult it can be to get a diagnosis. There are a lot of children and adults suffering because of this, which I am sure I don’t need to tell you.

Routine unchanged, showered with love, well prepared ... I don't doubt any of those things but I don't think children (however bright, interested, engaged they might be) of that age can possibly comprehend the sheer permanence of having a new sibling. We tell them how exciting it will be and they might know someone with a sibling but then this baby comes along and the baby doesn't want to play and can't talk, etc.

When people talk about attention seeking behaviours they are not suggesting you are neglecting him but the truth is your attention IS split now and he DOES have to share you, and that is a hard pill to swallow for an egocentric 3yo! Stay consistent, be firm, set boundaries and keep showering him with love.

This will be ok in the long term and having a sibling will be so good for your child, but right now it's hard, and that's ok.

@Newnamenewname109870 you've had a hard time here. Appreciate your latest comment on this. It does rather contradict your first point just repeating what your HV said..... quite different views...

It is a spectrum of behaviour not that we're all on the spectrum. No one person with a neurodiverse condition will display the same symptoms. Everyone will have a different presentations and severity. @Newnamenewname109870 your hv is a bit misinformed. https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/

My post got deleted so quickly I honestly can’t remember what I posted 😂 but I think it was a phrase about all being on the spectrum.

You’ve all made me wonder if I need to be more angry about my own support.

Literally this! Every child with bad behaviour now is automatically labelled as having ADHD. My family member is exactly the same she thinks all her kids have ADHD or Autism. Some kids are just more "naughty" than others. There doesn't need to be a label.

Op it seems like he's just trying to adjust and needing attention.

I also have an 8 week old and my almost 3yo is being exactly the same. I can’t take them both out together because I’m terrified he’ll run off and I won’t be able to run after him. Previously he’s always been good at staying with me. At home he also does things that he has known for a long time that he isn’t allowed to do and is much noisier. It’s especially apparent when I’m bf. It’s all attention seeking and hopefully it’ll pass. I definitely don’t think you need to rush anywhere for an assessment or diagnosis.

I'm certainly not trying to blame ADHD. Maybe I should have made clear that the correlation came from the night terrors. I understand toddler behavior and wasn't shocked by it. I actually love him being on the lively side, it's the new dangerous behaviors and others out of character that worried me. I was hoping for reassurance from others who had been through it is all.

Appreciate the advice and I hope he gets past it with lots of extra attention. Fingers crossed.

Thanks for the rude reply. I'll be sure to come back here next time I'm worried.

My mention of ADHD was behaviors that ticked a box, including night terrors. I'm not a professional, don't want a trendy diagnosis, I was merely looking for comfort or reassurance from other parents who had been there.

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. Perhaps in my newborn bubble I've misworded, Im not saying he has ADHD, I was merely asking if this was typical reactional behavior to the new baby as such symptoms and behaviors, such as long episodes of night terrors, which correlate with ADHD are worrying and so I was hoping for some reassurance that it might pass. Google led me to ADHD, I know it's not reliable source, hence why I came here to hear from real parents. I'm sorry this post kicked up such a storm and some even seemed cross that I had the audacity to mention ADHD. All children who have it show symptoms at some point and if those parents are scalded for asking I'm sure it doesn't help them. I also understand the term of the condition is misused by some parents.

Thanks for all the advice.