Should I stop BF and move to FF

[Whyisitsosohard]

I have a 4 week old, my 2nd. 1st was combi fed till I gave up BF at 12 weeks. I don't know what to do this time and need some advice.

Pros - I like the bond and easy comfort of BF (though I'm concerned she's using me as a dummy), my eldest didn't sleep better being FF (only slept through at 18 months) so there's no guarantee this will help her

Cons - she falls asleep BF and then wakes as soon as you put her down, I'm exhausted as she is waking every 1.5-2 hours at night and only seems to sleep longer after formula (but is more gassy so harder to settle), I hate all my clothes getting covered in milk and feel my toddler is getting short-changed by the amount of time I spend BF plus DH hates it.

I'd stick to BF, you're so early in and in a few more weeks and you'll find your groove. BF is so much better, there's no comparison (also FF is such a faff with sterilising bottles etc plus the cost etc). I'd give it a couple more weeks than reasses. All the best

Im feeling the same way OP. My dd is 3 weeks and BF is challenging, isolating (DH can't feed her) and takes up so much of my day. Sometimes she's not even feeding she's sucking on me for comfort and I get trapped on the sofa for hours at a time

The health benefits for us both are why I pushed through and established BFing. After tongue tie, neck trauma from birth and a seriously gassy baby it really has been a labour of love and would have been easier to stop and FF.

I go back to work in January so I think I'm going to push through to 12 weeks so she has a good solid chunk of time on breast milk and then transition to formula. My job is too busy and stressful for me to have time to pump during the day so I'm not even going to put myself through that

I've noticed since having a baby (my first) that mums mental health doesn't get considered enough. When she wouldn't latch and wouldn't sleep and my breast were solid and hot and painful and I was limping around with stitches with no time to eat or shower I was close to the edge. And the midwives said, just keep going don't give up!

If it doesn't suit you, give up. You are important too x

Look up the recent study showing that BFed babies are healthier and more intelligent than FFed babies, regardless of their mother’s circumstances.

I’m up because I’m BFing a 7 week old, and I also have a 3 YO so I get it.

There’s plenty you can do with your older child so they don’t miss out on you - colouring, reading, sticker books ect can all be done while feeding the little one.

The milky clothes isn’t a reason to stop something so wonderful. And unless your DH has good reasons for hating it he doesn’t really get a say.

As you know, FF babies don’t necessarily mean more sleep.

I'd ignore the 'breast is best' guilt inducing line and do what you think is best.

If formula is going to be the best for you, your family and your baby then go for.

You're an experienced mum, trust yourself x

At 4 weeks, she will be ramping up to the 6 week crying peak no matter what you do. If you BF, she will grump and want to be on the breast. If you FF, she will feed and then just grump.

I would keep BF. I would much prefer to be stuck on the couch with a baby using me as a dummy (where I can still read books to the toddler) rather than washing bottles and trying to settle a grumpy baby.

Do what is best for you and your family. Whatever you decide is the right decision.

This is actually wrong - recent (proper) studies actually show basically no difference. Check out Dr Emily Oster, OP - there is no point in persisting with breastfeeding if it’s affecting your mental health. Happy (fed) baby and happy mom is what’s best for everyone!

Happy mum and baby is best I agree. But breastfeeding really is far superior in every way I don't understand why people try and ignore this. Your body is literally making something especially customised for that individual baby, nature is amazing.

But there are literally studies showing that it isn’t “better”…

This is what I had in mind - last week and in the BMJ (then widely reported) so recent and proper :)

https://adc.bmj.com/content/early/2023/05/04/archdischild-2022-325148

No don't stop this early. You're doing great.This pros and cons list doesn't include all the lifelong benefits to your baby that are totally invisible and therefore you'd never know you deprived them of.

Also I think you're expecting a lot of her and not giving her enough time here. It's almost like her normal newborn behaviour is a bit inconvenient for you. She's still in the fourth trimester. She's growing into her body and the world. She's supposed to be waking for feeds all the time. She's supposed to want to suckle for comfort. Dummies are replacement nipples not the other way round.

Please keep going!
Benefits to your baby you can't see

Emily is an economist who wanted to write a book to feel better about her own breastfeeding struggles. Her reviews don't undermine the decades' worth of meta analysis on this subject. Even her own summary supports breastfeeding has many invisible benefits though!

"While researching Cribsheet, I went through the evidence on links between breastfeeding and a wide range of outcomes. In a number of cases, I found that the best evidence does support a link between breastfeeding and outcomes for babies (and mother). Breastfeeding seems to improve digestion in the first year, lowers rashes for infants and is especially important for preterm babies. It also seems likely that it has some impact on reducing ear infections in young children and lowers the risk of breast cancer for the mother."

I would stick with BF until you are sure as you can't go back when your supply is gone. It does get quicker and is really very easy when they are only on the breast for minutes at a time and your supply has balanced out a bit. I would say this happens around three months in experience.
Why does your DH hate it? Is it because he wants to be feeding baby too?

Oh bloody hell ignore the ‘your baby will be more intelligent and healthy lines’ I’ve had 3 formula fed babies, one is tiny so hard to know but the other two are top of the class and have never had a day off school, don’t have any allergies etc.. I can’t stand this pressure we put on mums, no wonder people struggle with their mental health when other mums make out your having a huge impact on your child’s health and development by giving them formula!!
Do what you feel is best for you and your family. If you’re not enjoying it, stop. Your baby will thrive and be absolutely fine.

That paper reports 'modest' rather than significant. Also who is to say that other factors weren't involved, less identifiable.
Personally I'd be weighing up what you can do to make your life better for you and your family. I found combi worked for my ability to get sone sleep in the day/evenings so DH could feed our babies, which gave me the strength I needed to get through.
Good luck

It’s really up to you OP, only you can decide.
I don’t understand the bit about DH hating it though… I’m not sure how that factors in.

I combi fed my DS for 3 months only because he started to prefer the bottle and was a nightmare breastfeeding so I felt like I couldn’t do it out in public so didn’t go out much.

I’m pregnant with my second and the main thing that’s making me want to try to BF longer this time is to protect against all the horrible toddler germs my DS brings home from nursery.

Do what you feel, maybe BF in day and FF at night? I'm BF and my goodness it's been so mentally challenging for me :( I've almost given up so many times. To start with she was tubed as she was Prem. so every night feed would take an hour, trying to get her to latch, then little rests to then continue. Then she got quicker but then she had reflux. It's been like pulling teeth and no end of stress, at one point my milk supply dwindled due to stress and exhaustion so made it even harder. Top this off with it then all being down to me as no one can help when you BF 😅 I'm 3 months in now and i'm still finding it challenging. I'm trying to plod on to 6 months then reassess it all.

My issue is my partner is so pro BF that i know he doesn't mean to, but I feel guilty and horrible if I give up 😭 so I feel like I'm running myself into the ground trying to persevere. Plus he keeps comparing me to his Ex and how she did it for 2 years and gushes what an amazing mum she was doing it all for them 😭😭😭

It's entirely your choice, which is scary for sure. It feels like such a final decision. But remember that feeding is only the tiniest part of being a parent, and there are so many more decisions along the way in parenthood, it's not worth making yourself miserable over something that will soon be over.

You have to think about your mental health, you matter as much as your two DC.

Bottle feeding/formula is just as convenient as breast in my experience. Well actually more convenient because if you have a partner they can take more of the feeds giving you more rest, your boobs don't leak all over the place day and night, and it takes less time to do a feed than on the boob.

The down sides of formula for me are that the transition can cause some constipation and gas, and that you have to pay for the milk obviously. Gas is gas though, you'll find a knack to get it out and constipation will settle.

Ignore the breast is best discourse - informed is best. Inform yourself of the pros and cons of each and then make a decision that works for you. You have not and will not fail your baby by making a decision that keeps you happy. The baby doesn't care how they get their milk, they care that you are physically there when they need you.

Hi OP. I struggled with BF at first, including for all the reasons you listed but shortly after four weeks, it's like something clicked and it's become so much easier. DS is now 9 weeks old. He feeds so much more efficiently than he did at four weeks, my supply has evened out and the ease with which I can feed him when out is priceless. Health visitor said that he won't sleep all night because he's breastfed but the past week or so, he's been sleeping for 4/4.5 hours at a time at night which is really only one wake during the night. Last night he went down about 11, slept til 3.30 then went back down until about 10 mins ago.

When DS was only going two hours between feeds, I would express so that DH could do one of the feeds and give me a rest. As DS got better at feeding, I would do all the feeds without getting out of bed then pass DS to DH to change and settle and that worked really well as I was only awake for a very short time and would generally be sleeping again before his nappy was even changed.

The first few weeks are really tough - I cried so many times, was in pain and sleep deprived, the infant feeding team were out to the house multiple times and I was so close to giving up but the last few weeks have seen such an improvement. It's been difficult getting to this point but I'm glad I persevered. Just wanted to share that it can get better.

I think you need to go with your gut feeling. If your gut says wind it down and stop then do that. If it says you’d actually feel really sad about that but are struggling then there are things that can help with the cons section.

Falling asleep bf is really normal but if it’s not convenient for her to sleep on you could you try a sling? I used to feed baby in the sling then when he fell asleep pop him off the boob, tighten sling back up and keep him in there, that way I had hands free to play with my toddler

what does your DH not like about it? Is he struggling to see you struggle and feeling a bit powerless to help? Or is he being a bit of a dickhead and needing a bit or a reminder to be supportive?

Theres nothing saying it has to be all or nothing as any amount of breastmilk has benefits for baby. Could you combi feed again? Would that help take the pressure off a bit? There are ways to do it that protect longer term breastfeeding

I think the first few weeks are the hardest (it got a bit easier for me after 6 weeks, but will be different) so may be worth trying to push through with some breastfeeding IF it is not causing you too many extra difficulties. The waking every couple of hours and crying when they are put down just sounds like a 4 week old - is there any evidence to suggest these are any better with a FF baby?

Combi feeding might help a bit, reduce some of the time you are spending feeding and mean you can get someone else to give the baby the bottle. We started giving DS one bottle at about 4 weeks, the rest was BF but do whatever ratio works for you (if that is exclusively FF that's fine too). I carried on BF until DS was a little over 3 (just a couple of times a day by then) because it was convenient - it would often be the quickest way to calm him down and the quickest way to get him to sleep.

Have you looked into any groups for support? And if you feel like she is just sucking for comfort you can also add a dummy?

I will add as much as people talk about breast is best and the pushing of breast feeding. The uk has the lowest breast feeding numbers in the world.

Thanks all. It's not really intended to be a beast vs formula feed thread, this is really about my personal circumstances. It's not that I find her inconvenient but I can't do wake ups every 90 mins through the night. It's not sustainable.

I was where you are back in February. It's so much easier now!

You're 4 weeks in, it's normal. It's going to get better. Seek support from an IBCLC or bf group.