Okay tell me truthfully about 2 under 2

[anyoneused]

I've just found out I'm pregnant, 8 months post partum. We really struggled to have dd, it took years to conceive her with lots of failed fertility treatment, failed ivf, successful ivf then a miscarriage before I fell naturally with dd out of the blue. I've always said I want one more, but now I'm pregnant it's like shit !! I know it's going to be hard, but how hard ?! I know it depends on the babies too, they're all different but I just can't imagine not having this baby.
So I'm asking for honest experiences. Thanks

I found it easy because we were at similar ages/stages. Going from 0 to 1 was really hard but 1 to 2 under 2 was fairly straightforward. Part of that will be because DC2 was a really easy baby who just slotted into our family. Other things that I think affected it was that I had a VBAC with DC2 so I was up and about and running around soft play 2 weeks postpartum, I had a double buggy that meant I could get out with them really easily, and I breastfed and coslept so night feeds didn't involve running around the house at 3am trying to sort cooled boiled water, unlike with DC1.

Congratulations!

My second baby was incredibly sleepy and mostly slept, waking for feeds, for the first four months. I got really lucky there and it really helped. I found the sleep deprivation of babyhood hard both times, so I would recommend focusing on trying to get your first baby into a decent routine before number 2 arrives.

I really felt the change from 0 to 1 much more than 1 to 2. I was more relaxed, more confident and although there are some wild moments, I have cherished these early years and look back with love and pride at the two of them and how we all managed. They are mega cute together now, and on a level, which is great and I hope means they have some lifelong company/witness to their life even if they don't turn out to be close.

It was fine in the early months, tough once they youngest got mobile, but at 4&6 they are truly best friends and often easier together.

I had a really great section and was it on day trips within the first week and going on the big slides in soft play within 2.

There are pros and cons tbh. With such a small gap, the oldest will probably be more content to just hang around house/garden then a toddler a year older. Late pregnancy will be knackering but it would be for several years. You may well have two children waking at night but a bigger age gap is no guarantee with that given many children don't start sleeping through until 2-4ish.

I found it very hard because the younger one was the kind of baby that needs to be held all the time and didn’t sleep well.
However we all got through it, I look back at the stage and mostly remember the lovely parts(because there are plenty of them), they are almost teens now and get along mostly and we went on to have another baby so it can’t have traumatised me too much!

Mine were 19 months apart. I found evenings hard in the beginning; there was a rough patch between 5 and 7 when they were both tired and cranky and I didn't always have enough hands to deal with it. Aside from that, it's been brilliant. I loved having them at roughly the same stage at the same time, and they've been great together. Now they're 11 and almost 13, they're really close. I definitely don't regret the age gap.

@anyoneused - what is your first like at the moment?

She will be 17 months when LO is born. This is the age where they start to want to be helpful but often haven't started the full on meltdowns of a 2 year old. She won't understand being gentle, so you will need to watch them together closely. My tips are to make games out of her helping you. Everything will take so much longer but it will include the eldest and make it easier.

Try to learn early how to help your toddler follow instructions. Watch some videos to help you. It's tough and constantly changing but makes a huge difference if you can do it effectively and keep a strong bond

If you can afford it, I would recommend getting baby a very stable but raised "bed" in the living room. So baby can be safe while your little one plays. It challenging at the beginning if baby was on the play gym, because eldest would be drawn to that area but yet clumsy.

A double pushchair (with attachments for baby to lie down safely) and where the seats reclined so the toddler could nap saved me.

Baby wearing can also help but hard in the first few weeks after giving birth.

Although all this equipment costs money, you have time to buy second hand

Good luck

My experience was fine because my eldest DD was a really easy toddler (and now kid in general). Either of my boys as the toddler in that situation would have been a different story.

DS was 21 months when DD was born, they are 5 and 3 now. We were fortunate that DS was a good sleeper. DD was not, at all, and if they'd both been poor sleepers it might well have broken me. We had a good bedtime routine with DS though and we did whatever we could to slot DD's bedtime into the same routine, once she started actually sleeping. We went into lockdown when DD was 4 months old as well, which added it's own set of challenges.

There have been good bits. We found that they used a lot of the same stuff, things like the bassinet, high chair, bottles, bibs, plastic plates, cups, changing table etc etc and clothes and toys too. We only had to babyproof everything once. We went through a phase with DS and then very quickly DD seemed to follow along, so we never really got rid of anything until DD was done with it. DD basically wants to do the same as her big brother all the time.

DS started potty training at 2 y 3 mo, while we were in lockdown seemed like a good time to do it. DD followed along at just turned 2, having seen her brother using the potty, and wanting to do the same. Likewise DS had a booster seat at the table rather than a high chair so DD wanted one too.

They play with all the same toys, and play together a lot. They bicker and fight sometimes, but on the whole they are each other's little companion, which is lovely. I worried that I couldn't possibly love a second child as much as I loved DS. But it turns out you really can. I wouldn't change what we have for the world now.

There have been bad bits though. At times it has felt like we're in the trenches a bit, having two small ones relying so much on us to do everything for them was exhausting and relentless at times. Going out with two children in nappies is a bit of a mission, I always seemed to have to take a tonne of stuff. Finding someone willing to babysit both of them at once was tricky, although it's got easier as they've got older. We invested a lot of money in two sets of really good 360 rotating car seats, because putting them both in and out of car seats, and switching the seats from one car to another was killing our backs. We spent a lot of time teaching DS to be gentle with DD when she was tiny, he was a chunky monkey and not aware of his own strength, and could eaily have hurt them. When it got to the stage that they were both walking, I had to watch them constantly, because they were capable of getting into mischeif in the blink of an eye. That phase was particularly relentless. And I have regularly felt pulled in different directions, when they have both needed me for something at the same time, particularly when DD was tiny and still breastfeeding, I had to be there for her, and I felt it so much when DS needed me and I couldn't be there right that second for him.

But as they've got older and become more capable themselves it's got a lot better. They are both independent little things, and they clearly adore each other. And the baby and toddler phase is done and dusted, never to be worried about again, thank god. (Although I do get broody when I see squishy little newborns).

I found it absolutely mind bendingly stressful and difficult in the first few months. I had never known stress and overwhelm like it trying to manage my newborn whilst also be the mother my 18 month old needed me to be.

Now they are slightly older it's still hard work at time with them arguing or fighting but it's manageable and the best thing is that their connection and love for each other is something I could never have imagined. They are two peas in a pod and they are best friends.

We had the exact same gap between dd and ds. Planned, but I can remember the panic when I did the pregnancy test!

Honestly, it’s fine. Physically tough, as you’re lifting and laying two smalls into car seat and prams etc, but if you have a partner who pulls their weight around the house and with the kids, it’s grand.

It wasn’t twice the work or anything- we were already doing all the nappies, the washing, the bottles etc so adding a newborn only a little more work.

The small gap means that now they’re 4 and 5, they’re the best of pals. They’re into the same stuff, same kind of stage developmentally which makes it’s much easier to find and do stuff they’re both engaged in.

We have family who have recently had, or are about to have, a baby after a bigger gap when they’ve just got used to dc1 being a bit more independent. That’s a different challenge, and our small gap worked out well for us!

I found out I was pregnant again 6 months pp DD is now 12 weeks the first 6 weeks were extremely difficult but dd had a milk allergy and dp was unwell and ended up in hospital since then I have gotten into a wee routine that works for us and I don't find it to stressful it's busy and exhausting but not stressful congratulations op

Loved it and did it a few times! My advice. .. Get a decent double buggy. Synchronised sleeps is possible. Use that time to sit and have a cuppa and recharge not to do bloody housework!
Work on getting dc1 into a fantastic bedtime routine that sees you and dh taking turns so you aren't absolutely necessary to get dc 1 to bed every night alone!

Thank you everyone for all the detailed posts ! It really helps.

She is a good sleeper, she only cat naps during the day but sleeps well at night. I hope it remains that way at least ha!

I feel Guilty almost ? Like I'm not going to keep that bond with dd, it's hard to explain, she is my little baby and I don't want her to have to grow up too fast if you know what I mean...

Yeah think we will definitely need a double buggy. Any recommendations?

I fell pregnant when my DD was 10 months old, DD was going to go to nursery but with 2 of them close in age I decided to stay home.

DD wasn't the easiest baby but she weaned from breastfeeding at 12 months and started sleeping through the night.
DS was born 5 weeks early so DD was 17 months.

We had bought a double buggy but DD never goes in it and never went in it when she started walking at 12 months.

We have no family nearby and the 2 of them is exhausting and really hard.
If you have help from family then it might not be as bad.
DS isn't a terrible sleeper but trying to be there for both of them when they need me at the same time is tough, one of them always ends up having to cry longer than I'd like.
DD is 22 months now and is so up and down with tantrums and DS just wants me all the time.
Some days are better than others but the hard days feel sooooo hard. However, I've had hard days when it was just DD so I know it's all a phase and it will get better.

I'd say definitely get a decent sling/carrier and get used to having baby in there a lot of the time while they're going as it's the only way you'll get most things done.

Try and make time for you and your DD alone and include them with things you're doing with baby. I've found my DD has coped pretty well with having a little brother but there are occasions where she'll cry if he has a toy that she wasn't even playing with.

I'm still early days into 2 under 2 and it is definitely a struggle but as each day goes in it gets better.

Congratulations on your baby news. X

Thanks for your reply. That sounds really tough. My husband had his own business so it will really be just me in the daytime, my mum would come and help though if I asked her too, so that's something.

I am excited but I think the reality has hit just how hard it's going to be 😆 glad I don't really have to buy anything though, except a double buggy! I really need to start driving lessons again as can't see that getting on the bus lol

We have a 15 month gap. Tbh the first 12 months is a blur - DS1 was still crawling when DS2 arrived, soft plays were v tricky as DS1 wanted me with him usually when I was breastfeeding DS2 ! Constantly walking around with one on each hip. I distinctly remember a lot of crying from the kids, and just needing to get out the house a lot to keep myself sane (but not to the soft play :))

BUT when they hit maybe 2 and 3 it got a lot easier, and a lot more fun. They became really good buddies (still are), and I wouldn’t change it.

Good luck !!

Congratulations! After the first couple of years it's a great age gap.

We have a similar gap and I have to admit that when they were very young it was exhausting and though I loved them, I didn't really enjoy their early childhood.

It gets easier as they get older, and if they're close in age you can take them to the same activities (soft play, farm park etc) without having an older child who's bored. And this continues into their teenage years.

We didn't have grandparents locally and all the childcare fell to me so I was permanently exhausted. So take any little bit of help that's offered!

18 months apart here.
Hard work but I would definitely choose the same age gap if I was to do it again.

We had the maclaren side by side double buggy. It packs up small and was fairly easily to get through doors.

My friend who had a one behind the other felt hers was hard to manoeuvre

@anyoneused although it's hard, it is worth it. Seeing DD try and comfort DS if he's crying or showing him her toys is really lovely.

It's nice not having loads of things to buy. Just having to buy clothes isn't so bad. We bought a second set of furniture aswell as DD was outgrowing her wardrobe anyway.

You'll likely have times where you think "why did we have a second one" but those thoughts disappear pretty quickly. I was told the first year with them is the hardest and then it gets better.

Not so bad. Knackering. But it's pretty short lived. They are into the same things at the same age. Play well together. Now at 17&18 they can barely say a civil word to each other.

I have twins under 2 and a 2 year old and love every minute, you just end up doing things a little differently but it's great they all play well together now

I'm 3 months in with a 3 month old DS and 18 month old DD so very much in the thick of it . The new baby is one of those babies that needs to be held all the time . Honestly , it is really, really difficult ! The worst part is not being able to spend proper time with my toddler as I am constantly pacing the room trying to keep the baby from crying . There is a lot of hey bear and miss Rachel being watched just to survive the Day until daddy comes home from work !

I remember thinking one baby was difficult but this is a whole other ball game!

People tell me it gets better and is worth it once they're older and play together ...

We had the Joie Aire Double buggy which is comparatively cheap (so if a double doesn't work out it wasn't a humongous investment), lightweight, and has the added advantage that it fitted (diagonally) in the boot of my VW Golf. We did keep our single pram from DC1 as well, and once he was mostly out of the double buggy we started using the single with DC2 and getting DC1 to walk places.
We had zero family support and DH went to work abroad when DC2 was 6 weeks old until she was 8 months, which was an added challenge, but I found that keeping them busy with lots of outings was the best way to deal with it (I just stuffed some nappies and wipes in my handbag and didn't worry about taking loads of stuff out with me). I also recommend a pushchair clip if you don't have one, so you can put your bag on it for ease of grabbing things quickly to avert tears.

15.5 months apart and similar experience - took years to have DS and then DD came along v quickly and unexpectedly.

DS was a unicorn baby and also first covid lockdown so not much else going on! DD is an absolute diva and for the first three months this I wondered what the hell we had done. What I really struggled with was two little people crying with neither really being able to tell me why. As DS vocabulary grew it made a huge difference to how each day went.

There was then a blissful period where they both napped for a solid hour or two every afternoon which gave me some sanity.

They are currently 3 and nearly 2 and it does get easier!

Double buggy was a must. We have a mountain buggy duet which is great for getting on public transport etc. I sort of found that easier than faffing around with both their car seats etc. pack a bag, strap them in and off you go.

Get them afternoon napping at the same time and use that time to do nothing other than have a cup of tea and scroll MN.

Good thing is that they are entertained by the same things - on small scale toys/playgroup etc but also bigger days out/holidays and things.

I'm back at work and childcare is bloody expensive. Currently using some savings to cover them both and counting down to 30 hours kicking in for DS.

Ultimately, we were at the point where I wasn't sure if we would be lucky enough to have one DC so having them both is a total blessing (something I try to remember every so often!)