Should I move to my mums for support with new baby

[Sammy6388]

I've just got home after a c section delivery and my DH's reluctance to help out is really getting to me. He complains almost every time I ask him to do anything and called me a spoilt brat because I asked him to get me a water.

I was discharded from hospital after 1 day (too soon in my opinion but that is another topic). I'm in a lot of pain and struggling to get around.

Earlier, he swore at me and stormed off in the huff as I asked for a drink while he was cleaning up juice that our 2 year old son had spilt. But if I'd waited until he'd left the kitchen, he would've complained. I have to time when I can ask him to do anything.

He stomps around the house like Kevin the teenager and said that I'm ungrateful for what he has to do for us. He's taken 2 weeks off work to help and our little one is in nursery.

It's now got to the point where I'm sat in pain, choking for a drink but it's easier than asking him to help.

He said that he hoped it was going to get easier for him and I snapped at him saying that he's got it easy, he hasn't had a painful pregnancy and isn't recovering from major surgery.

Am I being ungrateful?

Should I move in with my mum for her support until I've recovered?

Yes, move to your mum's and consider whether you want to be married to this selfish pig

Hell yes. Move to your mum's and take the time to decide whether you want to stay married to such an arsehole.

Yes, move to your mum's permanently.

Has he always been like this? If you moved to your mum’s would he have improved when you move back?

Wow he is a disgrace. He hasn't just carried a baby for 9 months and then given birth involving major surgery. And he can't get his wife a drink without moaning?!
Definitely move to your mum's and rethink whether you want to be with this man.
What does he mean when he thinks things will get easier for him? He is off work, your other child is in nursery so what did he think he would be doing with his paternity leave? Some men need a reality check.

Is this a temporary thing or is he generally a dick?

Mine has been waiting on me hand and foot as I’ve barely been able to walk for the last few weeks. We have a toddler too, he works full time, I know he’s knackered and there’s still 3 weeks to go until my c section. He’s been nothing but lovely about it. I would be devastated if he treated me the way your husband is treating you. What a selfish baby man. Like others have said, this is how he acts when you need him. I would also be giving serious consideration about whether I wanted to stay married to him.

Agreed.

What a fuck wit.

Go to your mums, now.

His moods are up and down. He wasn't very supportive with our first, but he blamed that on stress with work. We had relationship counselling before I fell pregnant again and he promised to be more helpful this time. He wasn't very supportive throughout the pregnancy, but we've just moved house and had a major renovation. The thought of moving out with a newborn is quite daunting.

Could your mum come to you?

Tbh, I'd sling him out. What a bastard.

Move to your Mum's. You need support at this time and your husband is not providing it.

I don't think he's generally a dick. He works in care and is a really nice person to his family and friends. He just seems to run out of kindness by the time he gets home. He's a different person behind closed doors.

Have your mum move in and if he doesn’t like it he can sod off. He sounds vile.

Sounds like a Dick to me.
The fact that he can be nice if he chooses to and saves his Dick behaviour for you actually makes it worse

my advice comes from experience 😢, go stay with your mum, and insist he goes back to work and takes his paternity leave when you come home

This.

I cannot imagine going through a C section essentially on my own.
I spent two weeks in bed just breastfeeding.
DH did my injections, made every meal, changed DD, cleaned my wound, helped me shower etc.
The one time I got up to see to DD I ripped.
I understand we all get stressed but both parents should be working together navigating a new born. It's not about mood and mental health, you have to get on with it and be supportive. How many women, myself included, have PPA and PPD and we have to live and support our new born. A partner should do the same. I couldn't get over this I'm afraid, especially not second time around.
Can you sit down and have a chat before you leave and give 1 more week? Then you will know you did your best.
Once you leave and have help and support I don't think you are going to want to go back.
All the best x

I don't think he's generally a dick. He works in care and is a really nice person to his family and friends. He just seems to run out of kindness by the time he gets home. He's a different person behind closed doors.
Can you not see how wrong this is?

I had a c section 20 + years ago and remember just how hard it was to move around for the first few days/ weeks. I stayed in 5 days at the time which I think was needed. Luckily I had support when I got home.
If I were you, I would move today to your mums and revaluate where you want your relationship to go as you are obviously not going to get any support from your OH.

Move out. Or have your mum come to you. And seriously consider your relationship

DH and I were on our knees with exhaustion with a toddler and me having a c section, and yes I think we probably snapped at each other a fair bit, but no way would he swear at me or refuse to get me a drink

Who he is behind closed doors is the real him.

I really hope you are financially independent because your marriage is never going to last.

Go call you mum this morning and stay with her for a week to recover. Tell you husband you are going to your mums as you are recovering from major surgery. I didn’t have a C-section I had forceps with my first but the lack of help in the early days meant I had no rest and this set my recovery back by months.

Absolutely. I am recovering from a c section and being waited on hand and foot. Can't imagine doing this without support. Please go where you can get the help and recover properly.

Move to your mums and leave him with the 2yo.

Or send him back to work... he can tell his colleagues that he's coming back early because he's bugger all help at home.