Should I move to my mums for support with new baby

[Sammy6388]

I've just got home after a c section delivery and my DH's reluctance to help out is really getting to me. He complains almost every time I ask him to do anything and called me a spoilt brat because I asked him to get me a water.

I was discharded from hospital after 1 day (too soon in my opinion but that is another topic). I'm in a lot of pain and struggling to get around.

Earlier, he swore at me and stormed off in the huff as I asked for a drink while he was cleaning up juice that our 2 year old son had spilt. But if I'd waited until he'd left the kitchen, he would've complained. I have to time when I can ask him to do anything.

He stomps around the house like Kevin the teenager and said that I'm ungrateful for what he has to do for us. He's taken 2 weeks off work to help and our little one is in nursery.

It's now got to the point where I'm sat in pain, choking for a drink but it's easier than asking him to help.

He said that he hoped it was going to get easier for him and I snapped at him saying that he's got it easy, he hasn't had a painful pregnancy and isn't recovering from major surgery.

Am I being ungrateful?

Should I move in with my mum for her support until I've recovered?

Kick him out and move mum in - I never even had a section and was waited on hand and foot. Please don’t have anymore babies with this man.

I'm old enough to be your mum, if you were my daughter in this situation, I would be round yours in a shot. I would either take you to mine or stay with you for the day. Your husband ( no DH from me) is behaving appallingly. You have had major surgery and need time to recover. Oh, and I would not be happy for you to return unless he seriously changed his ways. We can all become I'll, elderly and need help, will he be like this if that happens?

So agree. What a twat the OP is dealing with.

He is a dick he just like everyone thinking he's a saint by working in care and being great to people (who don't live with him).

You deserve better.

Sling him out and move your mum in. Then divorce him.

He's a dick to you because he's an abusive man. Lots of people think abusive men are nice because they put on a facade for the rest of the world.

Move to your Mum's. You need as much help as possible at the moment.

Consider carefully whether your relationship with selfish twat has a future or not. I couldn't live with that sort of abuse, and abuse is what it is.

Jesus Christ he sounds absolutely awful, please do go and stay with your mum if you're able to and I would seriously urge you to consider leaving him for good. I'm due to have a cesarean soon for our second child and my DH would never treat me like that.

You've just carried his child for 9 months and been through major abdominal surgery, he should be bending over backwards to make sure you're comfortable and well looked after. I'm so sorry you're going through this at what should be a happy time but you deserve so much better.

Go to your mum's. You don't need to take loads, just the main things. You’ll get the support you need and hopefully, he’ll get a wake-up call. Sorry you're having a tough time, you really shouldn't put up with being treated this way.

If you're honest to your mum would she consider moving in with you for a couple of weeks? If so id ask him to leave and stay home.

Thanks for all of the replies. It's reassuring to know that I'm not overreacting. My mum would happily move in with me for a bit, but he won't leave. He's very stubborn. We had a conversation about separating before I had the baby. His response was that I'm the one who is unhappy so I am the one who should leave.

I am financially independent. If I wasn't on maternity leave, I could afford to buy him out of the house and I put more into it. But I just know that he won't let me. He won't make things easy if I try to leave.

He works in care?!
and he treats you like this? That’s worrying

Please get in touch with Women's Aid and get some advice for your situation.

Making things difficult is abusive man territory.

Every post you've added has red flags all over it.

It might be hard for you to see it but please take seriously all the replies telling you he is not a good man.

You deserve care and kindness from your partner as a general rule and even more so when you are recovering from major surgery as a result of birthing his child. His behaviour is completely inexcusable.

It's not a question of whether he will 'let' you do anything. It's that he is behaving very badly and is abusive. You need to take legal advice on getting him out /divorced. And I second contacting Women's Aid, you need to talk to professionals about his behaviour.

Based on yo ur last update then I’d just get your mum to come and stay. I lived with my ex for a year after we split. It was necessary but I didn’t see why I should leave a house I paid for. It was all sorted out by the time we divorced.

Oh op l feel for you, l had two c sections and after each l was in hospital for 4 days (USA) being looked after. At home my DH cooked, got my medication, brought me food and drinks and looked after our DD for a solid two weeks....l could not have coped all without this level of help...and nor should you.

Seriously, you have had major surgery and should be treated as such. Move out or move your mum in whichever is better for you right now.
Take a month to recover, do as little as humanly possible.
You need to get well for your Dcs as you will sadly need to leave him, and they need a well mum.

He is a nasty abusive man.

Move your mum in, hopefully he will move out.