Nanny v nursery

[3isthemagicnumberrr]

Help! Our nanny left with no notice yesterday. She’s the second nanny to leave which sounds terrible (first one went to set up her own business, this one doesn’t want to work an additional hour in the morning when I finish mat leave) and I’m almost embarrassed to advertise again.

Has anyone moved from having a nanny to nursery and been happier? I know the pros and cons of both but feel really nervous about putting a just turned 1 year old in nursery. I know lots of people do, but for personal reasons (we lost dd1 a few years ago) I’m very nervous..

DD is 13 months and her nursery's baby room is staffed by the older/more experienced staff. They also go outside a lot. I would say they are outside 9 times out of 10 when I arrive to pick her up (which is rarely at the same time every day so not like it's for show).

Not all nurseries are the same

No. The majority though are staffed as I described. Pay is disgustingly low, benefits non existent, hours are long and management frequently treat staff like crap which leads to low morale and/or high turnover.

And even a good nursery isn't an ideal environment for under 2s.

If you can afford it a nanny is preferable until close to age 3. That’s when children actually start to benefit from socialising with peers. A secure attachment with a familiar carer is better for 0-3.

Generally childcare workers are poorly paid and staff turnover is high. If you can offer good terms and consistent hours you should be able to secure a nanny.

Another benefit of a nanny is children are less likely to get sick and if they do it is less disruptive to your work schedule as the nanny will still care for them whereas they will be excluded from nursery and you’ll have to take time off.

You’re not describing DT’s nursery. I’d recommend it 110%.

Same. Nothing like my baby's nursery at all.

The pay is low and they absolutely deserve to be paid better but parents can't control that, the pay is also still low if you don't use a nursery until they are 2. Of course, some would also be out of jobs if the baby room was empty.

For me the stress and uncertainty that comes with a nanny, as you're now experiencing, far exceeded any downsides of a nursery. The reliability of a nursery is bliss.

Nor ours.

The pay is shocking, and a national disgrace. But the staff clearly love the owner of ours - she can't change the economics and pay them what they deserve but I suspect she's good to work for in terms of flexibility and understanding in times of need etc. There is no hiding that the staff are on the whole happy and appreciate the environment.

Plus some of them just clearly love kids, which is wonderful. There is no way I could do their job for any money as I just don't have that setting!

Yes this. I loved DD’s nursery which she attended from 10 months until she started school. I cried when she left! Many of the staff had been there for years and had infinitely more experience with children than me. I’d have no hesitation sending a baby there.

But if you can get a great nanny then that will give you a lot more flexibility.

It’s weird how nursery slating is encouraged on here but if you dare say anything remotely critical about other forms of childcare you get roundly told off. I can only think that it stems from the days childminders would use MN to advertise. It was smaller then and I suppose more intimate in a way. People would lavish praise on the posters who were childminders because they were established posters and so this attitude that home based childcare is superior was ‘born’ if you like.

I think everyone should do what works for them but I’ve never been enormously convinced that a ‘home from home’ environment is the absolute best. DS likes a change of scene, and it isn’t like they have the run of their own home and toys, it’s still a childcare setting. Not sure why there is a vast difference between a childminders lounge and his nursery room!

People get defensive about most parenting choices and probably fair to say feeding and childcare are two major areas where we feel het up. There are crap nurseries but the ones I’ve seen just haven’t been: beautifully decorated and child friendly and very loving and helpful staff. Equally there are very dedicated childminders but there’s a hell of a lot who watch TV, do the school run(s), ignore their children at toddler groups in the mornings then more school runs and TV in the afternoon, before serving an Asda frozen pizza (that was a real MN thread IIRC and it was staunchly defended.) One isn’t better than the other BUT if one person providing childcare doesn’t work for you, that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, just as having a preference for one dedicated caregiver is!

I had this happen and my youngest had to start nursery at 10 months. Honestly I'm really pleased with how things have worked out. She does 3 full days a week there and does loads of activities, including lots of messy play that I wouldn't often get round to doing at home, so on my days with her I feel a lot less pressure to do those sorts of things and we have lovely chilled days pottering about and seeing friends.

The other big advantage for us is the reliability, with the nanny there'd often be days she couldn't work or would have to bring her own children if they were unwell (which we'd usually say no to and end up with no childcare). With nursery the show always goes on!

Nursery is also great with updates on what she's been doing during the day, we get photos and updates on the app they use which is lovely.

The only real disadvantage has been the illness... honestly it's been relentless, she's been almost constantly ill since starting. It's been awful and at times I do feel guilty for sending her into somewhere where she's constantly picking up germs. But I think it's pretty normal when they start so young and hoping it'll improve soon!

Oh just to add, our nursery is attached to a private school, same price as other nurseries locally but beautiful setting and low staff turnover. A lot of private prep schools now have nurseries attached so worth considering.

Childminder's? You get the benefits of socialising with a few other children, as well as someone usually very experienced taking care of your baby. They will also do toddler groups etc.

Nursery slating is usually because people have really odd ideas of nurseries, they often have little experience with them, outdated experience or their own bad experience but apply it to all nurseries.

I think many also secretly or not so secretly believe that babies should be at home with their mums so a nice bit of sexism too.

Unpopular opinion I know, but I think 1 is too young to be full time on a nursery environment. Far too busy, not enough adults etc. I'd try again with the nanny and consider nursery in a year's time when she can walk and communicate better.
Good luck, and I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine OP ❤️

It’s really not an unpopular opinion - it’s generally upheld on here.

@SouthLondonMum22 i think you’re right. I think some do believe that they spend the day in one room. Ours is clearly structured between free play in the room, painting type activities, stories, outside area (which is a lovely orchard with ducks) and of course eating!

But of course there are nurseries where it’s a bit more chaotic. I just wouldn’t send my children to one!

My DC1 went to nursery 3 days a week from 11 months old.
Was assigned a keyworker who was basically an honourary 3rd grandma, and who was the main caregiver every day until DC was old enough for the big kids group at age nearly 3. The nursery was very free-range with loads of different activities and lots of time outdoors every day.

I thought it was brilliant and have no regrets, there are loads of different nurseries and obviously some will be better than others so do your research.

The biggest advantage is that when a nanny is ill you simply have no childcare but when a nursery worker is ill there's no impact on you. However the other side of the coin is that a sick child can't go to nursery whereas a nanny will still usually look after their charges when they aren't well.

Exactly!

Mine is 6 months so in the baby room.

Ours has a separate area for sleeping and changing, an amazing outdoor space, a 'cosy space' for them to relax, a book area including puppets, role play area, a sensory area with treasure baskets, messy play area and a music area with little instruments.

It's very homely too.

Have a look round the potential nurseries - you'll honestly know for yourself. I went round two and swore I'd never send my kids to nursery, then I found one absolutely lovely place which my kids loved.

A good caregiver is the most important thing, be that nursery worker, nanny or childminder. I personally think a good childminder is the best of all worlds. But it can be a stressful job with multiple kids, and there's not the same constant, visible accountability that there is for nursery staff.

I think it depends a lot on the nanny and the nursery. DD went to a childminder and then to nursery. When DS came along the balance of cost with 2 children shifted and DH was working longer hours so unable to share drop off and pick ups.

We ended up doing a mix - 3 days of a nanny and 1 and then 2 days at nursery. Worked well. He’s eligible for his 30 hours in September so will doa mix of old nursery and preschool at DDs school.

If you want more outdoor space look for a forest style nursery - that’s what we’ve done but hours are shorter so use a nanny and do a longer day those days. But it’s a juggle

Nursery was also the correct decision for us too. Mine started at 6 months old and has thrived so much, it’s like a different child. The baby rooms tend to be staffed by the more experienced people, many of the carers in my son’s room have a decade if not two of experience working with children.
no matter how much me and my partner tried to entertain our baby, it was never enough. At nursery they get up to so many activities, go outdoors when the weather is good and trips around the city, he absolutely loves it.
The staff at our nursery clearly care about the children and on a personal level they have helped us so much with weaning, milk and egg ladders for allergies and speaking to me when I’m struggling (we have no family support close by). They really don’t get paid enough for what they do and as I said, my once constantly unhappy, screaming baby is now a really happy, sociable toddler.
I would definitely recommend visiting as many as you can and getting a feel of the place. I think you’ll know when you see the environment and children there whether it’s the right fit for you.

It’s weird how nursery slating is encouraged on here but if you dare say anything remotely critical about other forms of childcare you get roundly told off. I can only think that it stems from the days childminders would use MN to advertise

Not me. I wouldn't want to leave a baby with a childminder either.

I'm giving my perspective as a former reception teacher who has also worked in nurseries and pre schools.

OP asked a question and I'm giving my opinion, without an agenda.

I'd stick with a nanny, if you're not happy with the idea of using a nursery it seems counterproductive to start that just before you go back to work.

For the next one, pay weekly a week in arrears as it stops nannies leaving with no notice.

There are crap nurseries but the ones I’ve seen just haven’t been: beautifully decorated

You wouldn't believe the pressure the staff are put under to ensure they stay that way.

Our nursery isn't beautifully decorated in truth - it's an old converted house, a little creaky around the edges. It's got lots of lovely toys though, and the decoration is all art done by the children - both of the messy scribble variety and the stuff that's clearly had a lot of adult input to make something recognisable!

It's all about the vibe imo. You can't really describe it, but to try: staff who clearly love DC. I always note with new staff who interacts with my other DC that they haven't been looking after. The ones who show an interest almost always turn out to be the ones who are great at their job because they actually care.

Some nurseries I viewed, as I toured with baby DC1 the staff would (as expected) greet me, talk to me about the room. But in the one we went with, they swooped on the baby in my arms, asked about her, cooed over her etc in a way that didn't feel forced. The baby room lead sat on the floor with me to chat through the routine and settling process while she rocked a baby to sleep who wouldn't settle in the cots. All that stuff that you can't put your finger on but demonstrates they do give a shit about their job.

The matter of the fact is that largely, parents are going to use a nursery or a childminder because nannies are out of reach financially for the majority. Especially if we're talking about one baby.