Is the school being reasonable?

[ArnieMB]

Hi I just wanted to ask if people think my kid's school is being reasonable here.

My son is 13. At his school there is a new prank called "benching". 1 kids sits down (on a grassy area. Another kid is enticed to stand behind the sitting kid whilst a 3rd kid pushes the standing kid over the sitting kid. Usually the pusher and the sitter are in cahoots about this. My son appears to have been in all 3 positions in the last few days!

Last week he pushed a kid over another, and the kid being pushed gets up and throws 2 punches at my son's head, and the threw 5 or 6 punches at the kid sitting down, who threw 2 punches back. It was all over in 30 seconds, and no one got hurt at all.

the school's punishment was to suspend the boy who threw 5 or 6 punches for 1 week, the boy who was sat down and threw 2 punches for 2 days and to put my son on weekend detention and stop him going on the end of year trip. My son only escaped a suspension as he didn't retaliate to the punches he received.

The deputy head then told my son that the parents' of the boy he pushed had the right to go to the police as it may be considered assault.

I was flabbergasted by all this. It's a minor prank where 1 lad overreacted. That is it. I think the school has massively overreacted and I didn't take kindly to the school raising the issue of the police being involved. Personally if this required police action, it implies that the police would be at every school in the country every week.

For context, the lad sitting down is in my son's circle of friends. I don't think he is good friends with the lad he pushed but he is certainly "friendly" with him and they usually play football together at lunchtime. I don't know the disciplinary record of this lad, but the lad sitting down hasn't been in major trouble before (eg suspension).

I was just wondering what other people think to this, and what constitutes suspension at other school's these days.

I am 49 so went to high school late 1980s/early 1990s and suspension was a really big deal at my school. In 7 years I can only recall a couple of suspensions.

How the hell do you only get a 3 day suspension for kicking someone in the face over and over. Dear god, the poor kid.

"My son is 13. At his school there is a new prank called "benching". 1 kids sits down (on a grassy area. Another kid is enticed to stand behind the sitting kid whilst a 3rd kid pushes the standing kid over the sitting kid. Usually the pusher and the sitter are in cahoots about this. My son appears to have been in all 3 positions in the last few days!"

The sitting kid (child 1) could very well have their neck broken, spinal damage, concussion.

The standing kid (child 2) could suffer the same as child 1, plus broken bones, sprained wrists, etc.

This is a really dangerous 'prank' and needs to be taken very seriously.

Also called “table topping”, this method of pushing someone over has been around for literally decades if not centuries.

I get the whole boys will be boy's mentality, but this IS a stupid thing to do
It's all fun and games until some ends up seriously injured
Put yourself in the schools position, if they're aware of this type of prank, do nothing and a kid ends up with a neck/spinal injury, there would be huge repercussions
Use common sense OP, a short, sharp shock will do your little darling the world of good, and put the others off doing it too
Life lessons, some learn the hard way

Hopefully the school taking it so seriously means that no other boys will be tempted to 'prank' each other in this incredibly stupid and potentially dangerous way.

This isn't a minor prank.

It's a stupid, unkind and potentially really dangerous thing to do.

All it takes is for one of the kids to fall awkwardly and you could end up with a severe injury. This kind of prank risks head and neck injuries, both of which could be fatal or lead to life changing injuries. It's unlikely, sure, but it could happen. So the punishment needs to fit the possible consequences the action could have caused.

The school are absolutely right to have taken this seriously, and to have mentioned police involvement. Your son needs to learn that dicking about like this is an idiotic thing to do, and to think of the potential consequences before he acts. You need to support the school in trying to teach him this lesson rather than dismissing it as an overreaction and your son's behaviour as no big deal.

If the seated boy had been injured by your son's 'minor prank', and you were that boy's parent, I think you'd be seeing this very differently.

I will add that I am a teacher, and as another poster has said, it is heartening to read so many posts in support of the school. Detentions and punishments should be rare - the fact that your son has had a few lunchtime detentions and is only in Year 8 (I'm assuming, as he's 13) - suggests that he is no stranger to causing trouble at school, and perhaps you ought to be taking his behaviour more seriously than you currently are.

They’re absolutely being reasonable - and your DS is getting away quite light.

My DD and her friend did this go someone when they were 12. The girl they pushed broke her wrist on one side and her hand on the other. They both were invited to move schools and understandably the mother of the injured girl still gives my DD filthy looks more than 10 years later.

it’s not a simple prank. It’s bloody dangerous. And disruptive.

Why are you huffing that the police could be called? It’s accurate.

It's not a minor prank.
A boy in my Ds2's year spent the majority of Year 7 in a wheelchair with a broken pelvis after some dicking around like this.

So he pushed a standing kid over a sitting kid and 10 punches were thrown but absolutely no one got hurt? I find that hard to believe.

In this prank, you say they normally know it's happening which means they are also, like your son, pushing unsuspecting peers over on purpose / pushing someone onto an unsuspecting peer. And yo u think that's great and should be permitted to happen?

I don't think the school behaved reasonably - your son should have been suspended as well.

The only thing I would have done differently is probably given all 3 the same punishment as they were obviously all in cahoots.

Suspensions are I think more frequent in schools now as there is not the space/capacity to isolate a child with school as punishment, although weekend detention I'm assuming means private school. I'm assuming it's the loss of the end of term trip that bothers him the most?

Let the school deal with it and support them.

Kids should not ge playing this 'game'.

Of course it's assault. It's ridiculous and dangerous, and I'm glad the school is taking this seriously (although I think your son has got off lightly). Parents downplaying this type of behaviour is contributing to the normalisation of it. And you wonder why there are behaviour issues in schools...?

why are you normalizing this behavior? This type of behavior is my dd comes home constantly complaining about her male classmates. There is no way I will defend them because it doesn’t deserve defending. I remind her it isn’t all of them, but that does little to help. It is enough of them though that if I had any options for an all-girls school she would be there in a heartbeat, but in my country they are extraordinarily rare unless also very religious.

you should be thinking about what type of man you are raising. Not all of them outgrow this behavior. You need to stop it now before it sets in even further.

What they did is not ok. Those kind of pranks are dangerous.

When I was at school people got quite hefty punishments for pulling people's chairs away - same reason, it is dangerous.

I think you're minimising your child's behaviour here. He needs a talking to about behaving sensibly. There are better ways to let off their energy.

It's not a minor prank. Its potentially very dangerous. And the violence as a result is also awful.
All three boys have been lucky. Back the school up, and tell your son to stop being such a pratt. The only good thing he's done is not retaliate to the punches.

School is reasonable.
It's violence.
It's not a "prank"
Sort your kid out, or others will.

Totally agree with this comment. You are minimising unacceptable behaviour, the other boy could have been seriously hurt. Just because it’s a common “prank” in your opinion that doesn’t mean it’s an acceptable way to behave. School have acted totally appropriately about the event, even warning you that the other child’s parents could go to the Police is correct.

Pranks a bit of a laugh for most of the kids involved but probably annoying for most of the teachers (accidents, arguments, fights ect). They are probably cracking down on it.

I was flabbergasted by all this. It's a minor prank where 1 lad overreacted.
That is it. I think the school has massively overreacted and I didn't take kindly to the school raising the issue of the police being involved. Personally if this required police action, it implies that the police would be at every school in the country every week
They absolutely wouldn't be at every school in the country every week.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of secondary school pupils who actually behave themselves and don't spend their school breaks involved in dangerous pranks.

What's concerning is that you seem to be minimising this as a minor prank.

You're flabbergasted?! I'm flabbergasted that you think this is just a harmless prank and an ok thing for your son to do at breaktimes.

Meh, it's not a new prank we used to do it at school 20 years ago and a lot worse. Suspension I think is more for the fighting rather than the "benching".

Kids are so bloody stupid. The school was correct in the punishment.

It actually sounds dangerous and not funny at all.

I think you are under reacting

If they were adults then it absolutely would be assault. Also you should treat your friends better than average not worse. The boys doing the prank are equally to blame as the boy who reacted with punches (understandable reaction for a youngster if you ask me).

I would be disappointed at missing the trip but respect the schools decsion. Really i think the two pranksters who started it should have had a harsher punishment than the boy who reacted.