Help please -Shaken baby syndrome

[DreamOn86]

Hi all. Im a new mom for a 4 months old baby girl. And even though im very in love with her, im living the worst anxiety in my life about her. Every single thing i do i get scared that i accidentally done something harmful!
i havent slept tonight because yesterday i went up the stairs running, holding her, one hand on her nappy area and the other hand holding the stairs so not supporting her neck or head. at some point her chin was hitting my shoulder because of the running but i didnt think it would he an issue at the time. Straight after, my anxiety started escalating thinking i might have caused shaken baby syndrome and today its out of control. I called 111 yesterday and spoke to a gp and she was reassured that shaken baby syndrome cannot happen from such a thing. I was reassured for some time but then again, reading more things on google and then reading that jogging with a baby can cause it. Today i woke up paranoid that she s behaving differently: she seems calmer ( not sleepy) and her suckling is slower when im breastfeeding her.
i really really dont know what to do. My husband think im totally loosing the plot. She had a very difficult birth and cane after a late pregnancy termination (week23) i n really not coping!!
if anyone have any thoughts about shaken baby syndrome happening this way.. please share. Thanks xx

Sorry- please ignore my posts above. I hadn’t read your updates. You were running upstairs with a purpose. I misunderstood.

Op also speak to your health visitor they are there to support you, highly likely you have post natal anxiety I had this with pnd and it’s really really tough. Get all the help and support available and be kind to yourself. Avoid googling health stuff and ask for some understanding and support from your husband.

Get back to the gp and be honest about how you feel, I remember my health visitor badgering me and I was like I’m fine I’m fine rgen one day she said I don’t think you’re fine and I wasn’t but you so so want to be ok and a great mum who copes etc I felt like a failure I wouldn’t let anyone near him etc it was a tough time - he’s now 18 and I got through it with help and support it took some time though. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and support, you’re not the only person going through this, I did a support group with other mums run by the hv team and it really helped.

Did you tell the gp just how unwell you are feeling in yourself? Your baby is fine but you are not

Exactly this. Your baby doesn’t have shaken baby syndrome, that’s madness. I’ve unfortunately dealt with babies who have, it’s not the case here. Grandpa’s hands also wouldn’t have posed any real threat. The real issue is that you need urgent medical assistance. Please return to your GP as soon as possible. It would be a good idea to show them your posts on this thread. They can assist you, there are things that can be done pretty much immediately that will help you.

I thought shaken baby syndrome had been debunked a few years ago

No, it’s a real thing. Just not in the context of the scenario OP describes. It’s actually pretty hard to achieve and is quite a deliberate act with extreme force/movements.

I’m glad you have already told your gp, but I think you need to see them again.

your DD is probably quieter today because its so warm, not because you have caused her any harm.

You need urgent help. I've been where you are, crippled by intrusive thoughts, constant panic and heightened emotions. Get help. I'm on 50mg sertraline and it made a huge difference.

Totally normal to feel anxious but your baby won’t have been harmed. I’m glad you’re getting some help for your anxiety, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and if I had my time again I would have sought help myself.

You don't need more information on shaken baby syndrome - you already had input from a health professional. You need some help with this unmanageable anxiety - could you speak to your GP about getting some CBT? Or the HV or peri natal team. This early in your hormones are still all over the place and this will massively affect your anxiety. Lay off google, try to notice when you are overthinking - if you go down the road of trying to reason out or answer all these worries, you will drive yourself to distraction.

Anxiety/PND is horrible. I suffered alone for about 6 months, was driving myself crazy. Over thinking everything, I was totally irrational. Eventually spoke to my GP, started sertraline and got therapy. What a difference it has made and I wish you all the best.

As others have said you need some help urgently for yourself (not for your baby - your baby is fine).

She will be fine
But from now on please do not run up the stairs when holding her
There is a Risk of tripping and falling
Take it easier
There is no rush

Rest assured this will not cause any damage to you lo. The damage caused by shaken baby syndrome is the equivalent to a high impact road traffic accident. It's repeated shaking at some force.
I used to care for a lady who was a victim of it. Her mother was a witness (no judgement on the mother she was a victim of domestic abuse and was secured down and was unable to save the child) her account of the incident was that the force used was extreme.
Please please listen to us all, your lo will be fine. It sounds as though you are suffering from post partum anxiety, it really is debilitating. But you must speak to your hv about it as it isn't something you have to live with, you can get help for it.

Hi,

My lovely I completely understand. I was like this with my first and was constantly terrified I had hurt her.

I'd lay awake googling and crying so scared and anxious.

I got diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and OCD and had therapy that helped a lot.

I still have OCD but had my second a year ago and it was a completely different experience.

I promise you have not hurt her tho❤️

Hi OP, I had very similar anxieties about shaken baby syndrome when my son was a baby. I was terrified I would accidentally hurt him. I remember misjudging a few steps and his pram bumped down them more energetically that I was anticipating. I also once didn't support his head properly and his head rolled about for a couple of seconds and I spent hours googling, worried I'd hurt him. I may have even started a mumsnet thread!

He's a bright, healthy and happy 12 year old now.

I'm absolutely sure you haven't hurt your baby. But if you feel you need help with the worries, please seek it out

In the States it is now called Abusive Head Trauma to reflect to force required to cause the injuries in question.

Op I had horrific pnd and intrusive thoughts. I ended up having to take lexapro and felt so so much better.

I once walked past a door frame holding ds and accidentally bumped his head. He was fine, but I then performed various experiments on my head/doorframe to see how bad the impact would have been!

Your baby is ok. It isn't your fault. Your baby isn't suffering - you are.