Help please -Shaken baby syndrome

[DreamOn86]

Hi all. Im a new mom for a 4 months old baby girl. And even though im very in love with her, im living the worst anxiety in my life about her. Every single thing i do i get scared that i accidentally done something harmful!
i havent slept tonight because yesterday i went up the stairs running, holding her, one hand on her nappy area and the other hand holding the stairs so not supporting her neck or head. at some point her chin was hitting my shoulder because of the running but i didnt think it would he an issue at the time. Straight after, my anxiety started escalating thinking i might have caused shaken baby syndrome and today its out of control. I called 111 yesterday and spoke to a gp and she was reassured that shaken baby syndrome cannot happen from such a thing. I was reassured for some time but then again, reading more things on google and then reading that jogging with a baby can cause it. Today i woke up paranoid that she s behaving differently: she seems calmer ( not sleepy) and her suckling is slower when im breastfeeding her.
i really really dont know what to do. My husband think im totally loosing the plot. She had a very difficult birth and cane after a late pregnancy termination (week23) i n really not coping!!
if anyone have any thoughts about shaken baby syndrome happening this way.. please share. Thanks xx

My DC is now 21 months.
I had similar experiences when they were 8 months old. I had constant fear they were dead / dying / seriously ill. It isn’t normal to think like that.

I have been on 100mg of sertraline since August and it has been life changing. The intrusive thoughts disappeared so quickly and a course of therapy literally saved my life. I was able to get free therapy from Adlerian Society literally the week after I enquired.

I hope you find reassurance from this thread. X

@DreamOn86 This level of anxiety must be so hard to deal with. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Well done for speaking to a professional about it. There is help you can get and hopefully they will organise that quickly for you.

Try to look at the situation rationally. You were concerned that your baby could be injured so you did what any good, responsible parent should do and you reached out to a health professional for advice. If they had any concern whatsoever about what had happened, they would have asked you to take your baby in to be seen.

Jogging with your baby would be referring to going for a prolonged run with them I would think. It’s very very different to jogging up the stairs for a few seconds. From a safety point of view, I wouldn’t run up the stairs with baby again incase you fall.

As for baby being calmer today - baby’s change from day to day! You’re absolutely right to always watch out for unexplained changes with your baby but there’s are many reasons why she could be calmer today. Maybe you’ve held and cuddled her more this morning because you’ve been worried and she’s calmer because of all the contact with you? Maybe she slept better than usual last night and is just feeling more settled in general? Maybe she’s feeding a bit slower as she’s not as hungry this morning? Or maybe your milk flow is slightly different today.

I really hope you manage to get help with your anxiety soon OP.

No, it isn't debunked, but there were a few cases where a dodgy expert claimed to have found it without evidence. However, as everyone said, you don't give a child shaken baby syndrome by running upstairs with them.

Thats why im crying a lot because i feel i exposed her to real danger by running on the stairs… just to avoid dirty hands on her.
thats just so stupid of me

She wasn’t in danger either way, the germs won’t hurt her and neither will your running up the stairs. It’s only you that’s getting hurt with all this worrying, that’s why everyone is recommending you seek some more medical support

OP I have been in this exact place and it will keep escalating to extreme paranoia.
Please speak to your GP, postpartum anxiety is absolutely crippling and very common. You will come through the other side of this but you do need to speak to your GP. My OH too thought I was losing the plot and so did I to be honest. I knew it wasn't rational but I couldn't shake the feeling of terror at every little thing.

Op firstly you are doing a wonderful job taking care of your baby and being so careful.

Can you please show your dh or family this thread? So they fully understand how difficult this stage is for you.

I think you are suffering from more than anxiety and need a professional specialising on post natal care and assessment. Your dh could call the local mental health team today and get the ball rolling. This can be treated, and you can feel much better - and enjoy your baby. It seems like it could be postnatal psychosis - a good option now is not to wait, but to get checked out properly op so you can start to feel better.

Can you ask your dh to take some time off? Extra support would be so beneficial to you and the baby.

Please ask dh to call today, I don’t think you should wait op.

Ah no need to keep worrying or baby will soon feel it and start being grumpy. She's fine your fine 🙂

@DreamOn86 OP you haven’t hurt her and nor would her Grandads hands.
I suffered with post partum anxiety just like you describe, it was horrendous.
Reach out to your health visitor, they referred me to the perinatal mental health team.
Ecitalopram, CBT and trauma focused therapy have saved my life and my relationship with my children.
It is going to be okay, you won’t feel like this forever. Accept the help that’s there 💐

You sound like a wonderful mum and no harm has come to your little baby. Please speak to the GP on Monday, how you're feeling isn't how you should be, but it's really common. They won't judge you and will make sure you get some help with how you're feeling. You must be so exhausted! Please try and get your head down for a few hours, as the sleep deprivation makes anxiety even worse! X

OP you are good enough. Everything you are doing for your beautiful baby is good enough. You are being much too hard on yourself. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't blame yourself for harming the baby. It's OK to not be OK. None of us is superwoman

Get some rest today please. Pass the bubba off to a family member and sleep. No harm will come to either of you if you do it and you will feel better for it.

Get your family team to reach out for help for you while you sleep because no-one should feel as anxious and awful as you do and help is out there.

You done the right thing by contacting 111 and your GP. Please don't worry.

Glad you've booked in some therapy, it'll really help you.

4 month old babies are a lot sturdier than they look, I'm sure LO is fine 🙂

I had exactly the same experience with anxiety when my eldest was little and the therapy came through quickly and really really helped - please engage fully with it, it will change your experience of motherhood much for the better

Well done in seeking help.

Your baby is absolute fine, you are not. I'm still taking medication and having counselling and my daughter is four, for chronic post natal anxiety. Not helped by having another two in quick succession but also not helped by me hiding it. So well done and be proud for even asking here.

Have you had any therapy for the late termination situation? This in itself is a huge psychological event to go through, and now she is here you are afraid of hurting her/or someone else harming her. This is an awful lot to contend with - anyone would struggle in those circumstances op. Please accept all the support and help you can possibly find and know you are going to be okay.

Do you have other means of support?

I lived somewhere for a while where newborns are routinely carried in back slings with no head support. They were jiggles all over and were fine. You haven’t harmed your baby but your anxiety is harming you. You are minimising you are hugely over thinking. The GP is correct - get away from Google. Newborns do not get harmed like this by accident and you have not hurt your baby.

Well done in seeking help. Both in asking 111 for their advice and help with your anxiety from the GP. The 111 GP will have been super cautious too so that’s good they said don’t worry.

with regards to your dad or FIL, that is gross and would also be my line. Tell him or get your partner to tell him to wash his hands after using the toilet or he is not welcome.

Oh OP, you haven't hurt your baby, please be reassured about that. It does however sound like you may have post natal depression or even post traumatic stress disorder after your late termination that's making you feel so anxious. Please talk to your HV or midwife about your fears, you're absolutely doing nothing wrong ❤️

Thank you all for your messages. I had a terrible day trying to convince myself that she s fine and to let go. I feel better reading all your messages. Its going to take me time to get over it as im feeling really unwell emotionally and this is not ending now at 4 months and still hyper anxious over everything. Its a nightmare.
i really hope i explained to the gp properly.. because now im remembering she said “ if her head was on ur shoulder i cant see to which direction it could have moved” and i agreed with her .. i didnt know what she means at this time. But she proposed understood that her hear was resting over my shoulder which isnt the case. Her head was up and not resting anywhere !!

Just so you don't feel alone, I'm completely the same atm! I went to take her into A&E the other day freaking out she couldn't breathe.... it was a bogey. Every time she's sleepy I panic somethings wrong, then when I can't console her crying I'm breaking down sobbing thinking something is seriously wrong. I'm washing my hands every few mins thinking I'll make her sick.. was even googling types of fungus infections, viruses ect I most certainly am losing the plot over fear. I too had difficult birth and she was a rainbow baby, I am beyond terrified. I don't trust myself to know if somethings wrong... but I don't trust anyone else either 😅 I feel in a similar boat. Xx

Did you tell the gp just how unwell you are feeling in yourself? Your baby is fine but you are not.

Op, I thought every little thing I did caused shaken baby syndrome. It's one of those things (like Sids) that worried me constantly. I was told by many health visitors that shaken baby syndrome can only result from real, intended violence. Especially at 4 months I think you've got nothing to worry about.

I had similar feelings for at least the first year, probably the first 2 1/2 of DS life.
GPs didn’t take me seriously because I was so used to intrusive and anxious thoughts I was masking them to others and spoke about other things at the appointment such as “I fear I have lost my career”.

as a result, I was not taken seriously and was fobbed off by several GPS and NHS counselors, before finally having a breakdown and needing to go to a residential centre to try and get myself back together.

you haven’t done anything wrong.
you have anxiety which is caused by chemical deficiencies in your brain, likely catalyses by hormones and sleep deprivation.
write down everything that makes you anxious, detail it all to the GP, try to be objective in your retelling of the situation and the emotional reaction you had at the time and how this changed your day/week etc.
it might help to name a drug in your appointment- put the idea in their heads. You need to advocate for yourselves these days at NHS appointments.

CBT isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t really work for me.
and the correct titration of drugs may be needed before you can even engage with CBT.

thinking of you - good luck OP