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Parenting

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Original poster

Partner not here at weekends

46 replies

Baby2023 · 05/06/2023 21:01

my partner has kids with with his ex ( 3 ). We recently had a little boy together who is 9 weeks old. We don’t live together right now due to finances. Every weekend Friday to Sunday he is at his all weekend with his kids. He dosent come round to see us at all during the weekend. He sees him for a few hours after work in the week before we go to bed . I habe told him I would like him here at weekends but he has said it is the way it has to be ! Is it ? Is it even worth us being together when I do most of the parenting on my own anyway

OP posts:

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 05/06/2023 22:22

I don't think that I'd be happy either. What are the financial matters that stop you living together?

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/06/2023 22:24

Is it a space issue ? Can you go to his ?

did you discuss this before the birth but no I wouldn’t be happy either.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2023 22:26

So have his half sibs not even met the baby.? Is there room at yours for his 3 kids? Can you take baby to his?

Tbf you don't live together and he has his other kids to care for too, so him seeing both part time isn't an issue per se, but the siblings need time together too

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GrazingSheep · 05/06/2023 22:26

So he has his other 3 children at his own house every weekend?

Wicksytricksy · 05/06/2023 22:27

Are you sure its his ex?

Flopsythebunny · 05/06/2023 22:28

Why don't you go to his?

GrazingSheep · 05/06/2023 22:31

Does he live with you 4 nights per week?

Fiddlerdragon · 05/06/2023 22:34

It’s hard not to be judgmental here. Has this always been the way since you got together, moved in together, got pregnant, went through the pregnancy and had the baby? Did you not discuss what was going to happen when you gave birth? I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable for him to want to keep his two families separate, all I see on mn is how families shouldn’t be blended. His children have the best of both worlds. You and your child has him five days a week. He gets full weekends with his other children. My opinions may be different to other people as my oh works offshore and I’ve raised 3 kids with only seeing him two long weekends a month, but it sounds like an ideal situation when you’ve picked a partner who’s already a parent

Codlingmoths · 05/06/2023 22:38

Obviously any woman expecting a partner to you know, be a partner wouldn’t be happy with this. Has he always had his dc every weekend? Does he ever help you? If you’re single parenting shout it to the rooftops by being single with the occasional hour of very mediocre care from the waste of space who donated sperm, don’t go showing the world a couple face so everyone thinks someone is helping you.
maybe you can find a weekend boyfriend. Suggest that to him since ‘ it is how it is’ according to him.

Original poster

Baby2023 · 06/06/2023 03:53

He dosent invite us round at the weekends he goes to his mums or plans to do stuff and we are never invited. He lives in a 2 bed house and I also have two kids so there is definitely no room. It wasn’t this bad beofre the baby was born we would see us some weekends but now it’s every weekend he is not here. It’s Father’s Day next week-end and he isn’t seeing the baby only his other two. He is at mine Monday to Thursday however one day in the week is around at his ex’s seeing them. Yes the children are at his on the weekends

OP posts:

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 04:18

Sorry, but why wasn't this all sorted out before you got pregnant. Sounds like a complete mess. I don't understand how is cheaper to run two households, that doesn't make any sense

knittingaddict · 06/06/2023 04:20

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 04:18

Sorry, but why wasn't this all sorted out before you got pregnant. Sounds like a complete mess. I don't understand how is cheaper to run two households, that doesn't make any sense

Claiming benefits.

Haywirecity · 06/06/2023 04:26

It's confusing to me. Has he only just started to have the children every weekend? If so, that's not fair of him. But if he's always had the children every weekend, then why would you have thought it would change? They're all equally his children. If he can't live with you, how else can he see his children but in how own home?

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 04:40

knittingaddict · 06/06/2023 04:20

Claiming benefits.

Show quote history

Oh great. Winners 😒

weirdas · 06/06/2023 04:54

Talk to him about his kids getting to know the baby. Suggest they all come round for a few hours one weekend afternoon or you all meet at the park? Also surely yours and his kids need to spend time together because presumably you plan to live together at some point?

weirdas · 06/06/2023 04:57

@Emptycrackedcup yes it's appalling we live in a society that pays wages so bloody poorly that people need to live apart to afford to eat/survive.

Isthisexpected · 06/06/2023 04:59

Do you have a long term plan to live together? I think this situation with him suddenly wanting his weekends exclusively with his older children may have highlighted you're no longer on the same page about how you want to live and what your shared goals are. This is a conversation I'd revisit, so it's not specifically about how you spend weekends but where your relationship is going. If this is it, as he puts it, for the future and there is no desire from him to have equal relationships and your shared child to be a part of their siblings' lives then maybe this isn't the life for you.

CurlewKate · 06/06/2023 05:10

What were you expecting when you decided to have a baby?

Original poster

Baby2023 · 06/06/2023 07:26

I am a student at the minute at uni. He used to come round with them
at weekends or invite us to his mums with him but that has all stopped now. I know they are his children but so is this baby the responsibility can’t just be all down to me to look after him

OP posts:

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 07:30

weirdas · 06/06/2023 04:57

@Emptycrackedcup yes it's appalling we live in a society that pays wages so bloody poorly that people need to live apart to afford to eat/survive.

Best not to add a fifth kid in the mix if you can barely survive 😕

Original poster

Baby2023 · 06/06/2023 07:32

I can survie thank you ! I am a student at the minute.

OP posts:

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 06/06/2023 07:36

Be careful here op. Make sure he is contributing to your household financially when he is there. This all sounds very convenient for him, and I bet its much cheaper too. Have a think about whether you would be better financially if he wasn't there at all and you just claimed maintenance.

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 07:37

That's good then. Can he at least help in evenings to give you a break, what is he doing to do his bit? Sounds like he needs to massively step up, and quickly

Oubliette86 · 06/06/2023 07:38

Emptycrackedcup · 06/06/2023 07:30

Best not to add a fifth kid in the mix if you can barely survive 😕

Show quote history

Actually it’s a sixth child, OP already has two from a previous relationship & her partner has three so baby makes number six.

Original poster

Baby2023 · 06/06/2023 07:41

He dosent pay anything when he is here no. Picks up the odd bit of food but that’s it. I buy all the babies formula , clothes and any extra bits he needs. He will somtimes pick up a pack of 85p nappies for him but that’s it. However with his other two he is always buying them clothes stuff they need. He went to the shop the other week and brought them clothes to have found their mums and dropped them off to them

OP posts:

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